CONDOM

"I bought a condom yesterday," said the man.

The woman's eyes nearly popped out of her head in disbelief, before she returned her eyes to the newspaper.

The man continued, "It was my first time."

The woman didn't even want him to clarify what exactly was his 'first time'.

The man laughed, "I'd never been in a shop before!"

The woman half-smirked, concluding that he had in fact just been having a laugh.

"Have you ever bought a sex toy?" asked the man.

The woman was startled. Again.

He began, "Shall I tell you what I did last night-"

"No," snapped the woman. "Don't."

The man had a glint in his eye. "You know human nature though, don't you, love? About how if you say to someone, 'Don't', then they probably will do."

The woman frowned, "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" chuckled the guy.

The woman angrily straightened the paper. "If you don't shut it, I'm going to shove this paper where other paper usually goes."

"Ooh!" laughed the guy, "That's what I like to see - someone coming down to my level!"

The woman tutted.

"So, when are we going out?" asked the guy.

The woman puzzled, "You what?"

"Come on," said the guy, "You want to know if I'm really as mangy as you think I am, don't you?"

"I'm not even thinking about you," said the woman.

"You're saying that now," said the guy, "But when you're in bed with that same miserable git tonight, you'll be wondering about me."

"There is no miserable git," said the woman.

"You're completely happy with who you're with then, are you?"

"I'm not with anyone."

"Good!" said the man, "Then all the more reason why you shouldn't turn me down! Who wants to be lonely, eh?"

The woman huffed, "I'd rather be by myself than with a wrong 'un."

"How will you know if I'm a wrong 'un or a right 'un, if you don't give me a chance?"

The woman shook her head and laughed, "This is your chat-up tactic, is it; confuse your victims until they're almost driven crazy by you?"

The man smiled, "Will you be my victim?"

The woman glanced out of the window. "It will be my stop in a minute."

"Well, what a coincidence!" enthused the man, "Am I stopping with you?"

The woman folded the newspaper, "If I regret it, you'll end up regretting it far more than me, buddy."

"If you regret it, I'll eat my condom," said the man.

"I don't think you're supposed to eat condoms," said the woman.

The couple rose from their seats at the same time.

"Well," said the man, "You could always show me what to do."

Around 2002