022005

Thank God there's some place I can go to write. It ocurred to me
just now, looking in the mirror, that I have spent most of my life
victimized to the point where I was afraid to identify with myself,
constantly driven to the netherland between life and death. I have very
poor circulation and I grew up in a freezing climate; my hands were
always cold and my skin usually pink. I have always been socially
ostracized. I am prone to constant sickness. I won't go into other
causes of my sufferings.
But I will say this: "I cannot be evil." Evil requires much more power
than I have ever had. Actually, in light of my generosity toward
others, I think I must be a morally good person. And seeing as that's
the case, I should be very careful never to be down on myself. Whatever
my fortune is, I deserve good fortune. I, at least, can love
myself.