D: I Am..

... feeling tired and a bit ill, but glad to be here. Haven't been
out dancing for ages. Me and Alex go and sit in the upstairs room,
where they're playing some banging drum and bass. The lights are going
in time to the music. Wickedly colourful place - all around are these
great paintings of psychedelic animals and faces.

Alex goes to the bar asks me if I want anything, "Jus some water mate."
I say. I have discovered from past experiences that alcohol and E don't
mix too well together.

I sit and watch the people dance, smiling faces and wild uninhibited
dancing. I wish I didn't have such a horrible headache, cause the music
is really good. Just my head is pounding. An attractive girl comes and
sits next to me. I must be looking how I feel cause she goes," Hey is
it all too much.. you ok?"

"Yeah man," I say," Just feeling tired you know."

She smiles a sympathetic smile.

"Hey I'am ok, the music's great," I say.

Alex comes back with the drinks. I sip my water, I feel really rough. "
Hey I've put my request out through the various channels, so we should
get sorted for pills soon. How many you want?"

"Thinking I'll do two tonight Al."

"Safe be right back."

I sit there and wait for Alex to come back with the pills, watching
everyone dance. Then I hear a familiar voice beside me, I turn to see
my friend Louise. She looks really great tonight. Her hair is all
multi-coloured and dreadlocked. She has this psychedelic symbol painted
on her forehead, which goes really well with her smile; a smile that
always seems to be pasted on her face. " Hey Rufus its really great to
see you. Haven't seen you at any parties for a while. How are you?" she
says.

"Not bad you know.. how are you?"

"Oh great, are you doing any pills tonight?"

"Yeah jus waiting for Alex to get back.. gonna do some then."

"Oh its so great to see you. Do you want to share a spliff?"

"yeah safe."

She sparks up this huge spliff.

Alex returns and sits down next to me. "Sorted.." he says.

"Nice one, what did ya get?" I ask.

" They're called bullseyes..." he pulls out the pills. They are wrapped
in some rizla paper and they look like swizels. He gets two pills out
and puts them into my hand. I close my hand, discreetly putting one in
my pocket and one in my mouth. Taking a swig of water I swallow the one
in my mouth down.

" I wonder what state your gonna be in an hour?" Louise says.

"Hopefully a more energetic one." I say. She passes me the spliff, I
have a toke and it is soothing. Alex and Louise stand up and start
dancing. I stay sat were I am, I still feel rough and my head is
splitting. So I just sit and watch for a while. Their both smiling and
I am smiling as I watch them reaching out for the beats. The music is
fantastic, even though I've got a headache, it's really sending my mind
to other dimensions.

After a while of sitting there watching, I start to feel a smile creep
on my face. An unmistakable warmth and a glow within, a nice tingle on
my scalp. Oh yeah its gonna be a good night. My hands go a bit clammy
and I feel a bit sweaty. I really want to stand up and dance now, but
for some reason I stay sat where I am. Its nice sitting still, but I
really wanna dance.

Some people come and sit next to me. They ask me if I've got a light. I
pass them my lighter and they build a spliff. Then sit and share it
with me. We talk about stuff but I can't really remember what we talked
about; as I was just coming up on my pill at the time, and the world
was suddenly opening up around me, as if by magic and all I could think
was WOW!

Suddenly they're up on the dancefloor giving it all their worth
punching the air; and I am stood on my feet without realising and I
feel so incredibly blissed out. Man I haven't felt this good in a long
time. No more aches and pains, no more tiredness and throbbing
headache. I feel like I've been given a shot of life. I get on the
dancefloor and suddenly find my body moving. So good this movement, my
fingers hands are in the air trieing to reach for the music--climb
inside it. The music sounds even better now, like I've just un-locked a
whole new dimension of sound. I can't seem to stop my body moving man,
it seems to be doing it's own thing, but it feels sooo great. I look
around me at all the smiley happy faces, and they're all so beautiful.
Louise and Alex come up to me and hug me, man it feels so good, being
hugged. I feel myself tingling all over. " Hey Rufus you should write a
short story about a rave party." Louise says - her voice sounds so
wonderful.

"Yeah.." I say, " I could try."

" Oh it would be so good if you wrote a story about a rave
party."

"Ok I will,"

"Can I be in it..?"

"Yeah... and I tell you what... I will write another short story about
you as well... it can be part fact and part fiction and you can be the
hero who saves the day." I say feeling deeply sentimental and
soulful.

"Oh really.. that would be really great."

Man I feel so good, I had forgotten how good this feels. This is just
what the doctor ordered. I feel so connected to everybody and
everything. Everything's gonna be alright, life is good - life is
sweet.

" Come on lets go downstairs to the techno floor," Alex says.

"ok,"

We very happily bob our way down the stairs, I feel like I'am walking
on air. Man this is how I should be feeling. Wish I could feel like
this all the time. Everyone's so great, I love them all. People keep
coming up to me with massive smiles on their faces. " Hey Rufus.."
hugging me welcoming me.. I feel like part of the family.

Oh and the twisted techno is twisted and I am really loving it. People
whooping and clapping and whistling and all on the same wavelength as
me. Everyones nutted and having a great time. My body just can't stop
moving. It feels so freed up, spontaneous movement flowing naturally,
and I don't feel tired, I feel wired.

"Lovely party," Alex says to me, his voice sounds so euphoric, I love
the sound of people's voices when I'am on e.

" Lovely jubbly.." I say.

" alabakadrekneforia." is all I could catch from his next garbled mass
of words.

" WWHHHOOOOOEEEEEAAAAIIII!!!" Alex whoops and suddenly there is a
Mexican wave of cheers on the dancefloor in answer to his warrior call.
We the warriors on the edge of time. " WWWHHHHOOOOEEEEAAAIIIII!!"
jumping up and down, with a huge smile on his face. I feel like I am
glowing with empathy and happiness. This is what life is all about.
Forget stress, what is stress anyway? I can't remember... what was it
that was bothering me before? Ah life is truly good sometimes.. truly
fantastic. No stress here - just freedom, lots of safe people talking
and dancing expressing empathy, all of us on the same vibe. That truly
beautiful emotion of empathy. Empathy, that's what the world needs a
massive dose of empathy; then there would be no more wars and
divisions, everyone would be happy.

It feels like we're all sending out waves and waves of positive energy
into the universe. We of the chemical generation united in a single
purpose here on this sacred dancefloor. No divisions here, all are
equal, all are welcome, all are happy, and all are stress-free. Nutted
loved up crazy eyed mortals weaving our hands and bodies to the music
that speaks volumes to us - but without words. We have had enough of
words, no more words, no more labels, no more names. The music of no
words: the music of the underground culture. This is us, the people
together. Alex grabs my hand, " Come with me, " he says, and he
introduces me to these really sound people, these are the ones who
sorted us the pills.

" This is Rufus," Alex says, " He's a writer."

"Your a writer?" they ask me.

"Yeah," I say.

" What do you write about?"

" Oh pretty much everything," I say.

" Hey you should try and write about this party man,"

" Yeah I'am gonna try"

We all shake hands - sealing the unwritten agreement that everybody
here is sound.

so sound - deeply deeply sound.