Battlefield

Black
Dawns every morning
Uncertainty poisons the first thoughts of day
And ice runs through my veins

I was alive once
In a place of warmth
Where the miniscule splinters of time
Between waking and awareness
Were filled with the soft glow of your touch
Like rays of light
That filtered through the brittle walls around my mind
My feelings dancing dust motes
In the warm sunshine of your love.

Locked in the bleak room of my solitude
My life is now a battlefield
Of mixed emotions
Feelings lying in wait like snipers
Attacking when least expected

At war with myself
A victim of my own emotional terrorism
A casualty in a civil war
Against memories and pain

Trying to build barricades
Against invaders
Throwing petrol bombs of anger
Against invisible targets
My soul a military training area
For a field exercise
In the war of love

I need to defuse the emotional bomb
That is about to go off
Anytime now
Leaving only ruins and devastation

But how?

Which ransom do I have to pay
For not being held hostage any more
By past events?

What gives me shelter
On this battlefield?