GAA Channel

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" I'd just like to say hello to the listeners on the GAA channel .
This is Brian the Blue Dub on Mother Liffey FM . Welcome to the program
."
There's a muffled sound of a struggle with the odd thud coming through
as an the muffled voice of Colin O'Connor hits the airwaves .

"Will now Brian hand me over that bloody microphone . Now give it to me
or I'll have to hit you again . "
Brian replied,
"Colin you've got your own microphone in front of you ."
"Oh Jeazus so I have . Sorry about that Colin . I'm not used to this
radio game show thing . Are we on air ?"
Colin asked as Brian gasped and said ,.
"Don't tell me you pressed that green button Colin ."
Red faced Colin said ,
"I think I did . Why ? "
Brian turned the volume down on the channel waving his fist at Colin he
said ,
"Oh God we're on live ,"

Clearing his throat Brian composed himself and said ,
" Welcome back again listeners . We've been having some technical
hic-up's but finally we've got them sorted . This is the GAA Channel
and we are broadcasting the all Ireland hurling final today live from
Croke Park . My name is Brian the Blue Dub and I'd like to thank you
for tuning in to the program . My guest broadcaster in today's game is
the retired Cork hurler Colin O'Connor who is 85 years young today and
I'd like to welcome you on the show Colin ."
Colin grabs the microphone and starts to talk , Brian turns the mic off
but Colin presses the green button and opens up with a soft flowing
phrase ,
"Sure enough. There's only one superstar here today Brian and we all
know who that is and I'd just like to thank you for the brief
introduction and the half hearted welcome . I'd also like to thank all
the listeners out there who send me on a birthday card . I'll just give
out the address again on the show for anyone else who may have
forgotten and would like to send me on a little something for my 85th
Birthday . Send on your registered mail envelopes to Colin's Birthday
care of the GAA Channel on Mother Liffey FM ."
Brian tries to make a joke of it and laughs saying ,
"Colin you're such a case . Right now all eyes are skinned and the
games about to begin . Half the crowd couldn't get in and they're still
out on the road . The match is being televised right across the entire
globe, from Dublin to Peru in Sydney and in Timbuktu Gaelic football's
the language that people will listen to ."
Colin shouts out aloud trying to attract some attention .
"Excuse me Brian. "
Brian starts to get a little unsettled and talks over the top of Colins
voice ,
" Yes folks this is Brian The Blue Dub . Stick with us today here on
the GAA Channel . Don't you dare touch that tuning dial because its
D-day in Dublin and the all conquering Dubs are about to give a lesson
in hurley to those visitors from Cork .
" Brian . When do I get to talk."
Colin shouts out again and raises up his arm .
" Brian it's me the guest here on the GAA Channel . When can I say
something to the listener ?"
Brian continues as if he was talking through concrete .
"It's going to be a great game today . Who knows what will happen . If
you do then stick up your hand . Lokk at that for a response I can see
that quite a few people know exactly what's going to happen . Look at
all those people in their blue shirts with their hands in the air .
They know the out come of this game ."

Colin has his hand held high .
"Look here Brian . I've got something I want to say "
Brian ignored Colins comments and continued to talk into the microphone
.
" The stage is set at Croke Park stadium . There is a sea of colour out
there and they're all swaying one way towards Dublin in a stream of
tri-coloured flags and ribbons. Its great to see the Dublin colours
flying . Its great to hear those old Dublin songs being sung . The
Dublin supporters are over-spilling in the terraces . "
Colin stood up and began to look a little angry and said ,
'Brian when can I talk ."
Brian looked at Colin and said into the microphone .
"Colin you can almost hear the thumping hearts ."
Colin sat back down in his chair and began fumbling with his ears .
Pulling out a device from his pocket he said ,
"I've got my hearing aid turned down hang on a second Brian ."
"Oh sure you're a case Colin . You could almost cut the tension with a
knife out there today ."
"When do I get to talk Brian ."
"Sure Colin there is a sense of apprehension growing the ranks of the
Mighty Dubs and here we are now . Listen to that crowd as both teams
come on to the field with their hurley bats in their hands ."
"Brian . If you don't let me talk I'm going home . "
" Yes indeed up goes the ball and it's on. A mighty roar sends the
clouds running for cover behind the blue sky as the sun breaks through
and sends a golden ray of warmth down on the field .'
Colin grabs Brian's microphone and muffled sound's are put to air
.
"Give me the mic Colin "
A audible slap and thud can be heard on air .

"Next time include me in the broadcast or I'll break your glasses . Now
take your microphone and do a proper job . Right ."

"Right ah with me today I have the famous flyer from Cork Colin
O'Connor Tell me what are your thoughts on the game here today Colin
?"

Colin clears his throat and in doing so has a coughing fit , Finally he
says ,

"Well now I won't beat around the bush and to tell you the truth
Bernard like today's game reminds me of a special tree that grows in
Blarney Street .
I remember the day well when I cut off one of it's limbs and I hand
carved and shaped my first hurley bat from that tree . Today they've
built a pub around the tree in honour of myself and I know all the lads
will be gathered in there today watching the game . So I'd just like to
say I know how you feel boys . I'm sorry I can't be out there for Cork
today and you know if I could I would could be out there today with a
hurl in my hand . At eighty five I am proud to say I still love a field
of green and the touch of a hurl and a ball in my hand . I'd be a happy
man to be playing out there today . Don't you know I'm much too young
for this commentating business . I'm still fit and I can still hit a
ball to the other end of any field in the County . So as far as I'm
concerned Hurley's the life for me Brian "

"Do you think Cork has a chance today then Brian ?"

"Well we all know who you've put your money on today and as I've
already said and I know that the good people of Cork will stand by me
with this
there is only one team out there today and after we collect the trophy
I'd like to buy everyone a drink at the tree in Blarney Street . If
you're not there then you'll will never understand the Craic and the
meaning of the word GAA . So after the game Brian if you have time I'll
see you there where time is easy and friendship is free . Just come on
in and plant down your feet with me inside the tree at Blarney Street
where we will celebrate our great victory over the losers from the
Liffey ."

" Now Colin as you know I'm a Dublin man and there's no point me
wasting any time going to Cork after the game . You see I've booked out
Poolbeg Street and after Dublin win today I'd like to invite you to a
Street Party I'm putting on to celebrate the victory ."

"There's nothing I like more than a party but sure it's a celebration I
want, not a wake. So I don't think I'll bother Brian if its all the
same with you ."

Suddenly Cork score a goal and Colin leaps up knocking Brian it the
head .
Jumping for delight and doing a jig around the commentary box Colin
said ,

"Sheer genius there that was . What a great goal . Did you see that
Brian ?"

Brian was furious and shouted ,
"You just struck me with you fist . Is it trouble you're after ."

"Colin laughed and replied ,
"Trouble is in your half of the field , We've just scored ."

"That was not a goal . It didn't cross the line ."
Said Brian .

"Don't be daft Bernard . It was a great goal . The keeper couldn't hold
the ferocity of the shot . It was a well time shot . "
Said Colin .

Brian replied ,
"The referee must be a Cork man by the looks of it . I mean the it was
Corks first shot and it never crossed the goal line. Why the referred
allowed the goal is beyond me "

Colin sat back down and said ,
"Ah now come on. You're just jealous . Settle down and enjoy the game
."

Just then Dublin equalised .
"That's just what we needed boys . Go the mighty Dubs . Do you need
to
borrow a respirator Colin because the games just warming up .Anytime
you need me call you a doctor let me know ."

Colin let fly .

"Keep it up . I've had the likes of you for breakfast . Anytime you
want to step outside just say the word ."

Brian stood up and took his coat off and screamed ,
"What about right now then . Come on then ."

a knock came to the door of the commentary box and a old woman came in
.
She smiled and said quietly .

"Colin and Brian for heaven sake keep it down will you . The people are
starting to talk . "

"Sorry Mum , but you know Dad . He just gets so stubborn about Cork .
"
Said Brian .

Colin replied ,
"It's not my fault my love . You know our son and his team . Its Dublin
or die as far as he's concerned ."

The old woman smiled and said ,
"Its both of you . The problem is you're no different each time your
teams play and I'm the one who has to pull you apart . Then tomorrow
its like nothings ever happened . So just for once will you try to keep
things under control "

"Ok Ma '
Said Brian .

"All right "
Said Colin .

The old woman said ,
"I don't really care who wins boys . Juts as long as both of you share
some good quality time together . Now its really up to you both to get
along ."
She left the room and closed the dooe behind her .

"What's hear problem anyway ?"
asked Brian .

"Don't know . She must be a Dublin supporter son ? "
Colin said .

The both ahd a good laugh and sat back in front of the microphones
.

The End

By Paul McCann