01603 406006

I grafitied my phone number
because I like the sound
of my own ringtone.

Sometimes when my phone rings
and it's from a number I do not recognise
I answer it and pretend I am dying -
I tell them to rush and get help.

Sometimes I ask them to meet for sex in the woods
I made a lady my mum's age sop
into the topsoil.

Once a man from the council rang me
wondering why my number was in yellow
on 'his patch.'
I told him to look slightly to the left of it
at the words written in red biro
and smiled as he read out loud
"fuck you"

Since the benches were replaced
by patio furniture with parasols
I've grown to miss
unanswered calls
and hearing teenagers giggling
on my voicemail