On A Plate, by me!

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Tue, 2006-11-21 22:36

ggggareth

On A Plate, by me!

I don't normally flag my own stories, but I'm feeling like a martyr:

http://www.abctales.com/story/ggggareth/on-a-plate

200 words!!!! I think I know the challenge of this format now. Anyone that feels like telling me how crap it is, please help yourself...
(:0I

Wed, 2006-11-22 09:01

ggggareth

Having read it again this moorning, I don't like the ending. I think it's too blunt. I think if the blooke just showed a little regret, this would suffice. This might take more words though.Where can I shave off wordss from elsewhere. Any ideas?

Thu, 2006-12-07 01:50

H OHara

I personally think the blunt ending is set up with how much he loves lamb and his wife. The part about "noticed the start of laughter lines on her incessantly-tanned face" made me think something was coming at the end since he talks of how young, beautiful, and a good cook she is. Overall, I liked the story. I'm not sure what him showing regret would do for it other than drag out your point at the end. I enjoyed reading this, and will have to try to write a 200 word story one day. It can't be easy. Hope this comment helps. Harrison O'Hara

Harrison O'Hara
www.ginotiamain.com

Thu, 2006-12-07 09:34

ggggareth

Thanks for the comments. Most appreciated. I have to say, with the aid of a bit of distance, I don't like this at all. The ending especially. I think there's too much gloating going on. I didn't want the husband to be sympathetic in any way, so I think somehow he needs to get his comeuppance. I'm considering doing a sequal - from the wife's point of view...

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