The Road of Dust

** Part 4 of my story entitled "The Solitude of Fireflies **

I’m back. The whole place sets off a wave of déjà vu within me. I double over and fall to the floor, my knees hitting the ground with a hard thud. Pain reverberates through my body, but it’s distant, numb. In another place I would have screamed in agony, but not here. Everything is all too familiar. The white mist slides through the air like vapor, bathing me in light and injecting me with a sense of purpose. The emotions make the mist thick, acutely cold against my face, along with the memories of countless others who walked this path before me. It’s like I’m living the most life-changing moment of my life again; everything is as is should be, or was. But something is a little off kilter. I can feel a pang of doubt spawn in my head. But I’m too full of awe and wonder at how real everything is. The visuals are easy enough to remember when I’m awake, but it’s the tapestry of feelings that really brings it all back. Depression to epiphany, pride to joy, greed to grief, love to lust. The combinations are endless.

Above me is Eden. I’ve come to see it as my waypoint, a signal pointing me in the right direction. But I always end up back at this spot, at the beginning, with feelings of bliss and utter terror. An odd combination, but my dreams were never exactly normal. This time it’s very different; an allusion of providence perhaps. Maybe a sign that the time is coming closer…

Noah?

“Welcome, Reclaimer”. Mari stands directly underneath Eden, dressed in exactly the same outfit as before; a simple pair of plain boot-leg jeans and t-shirt, her hair tired up neatly in a knot behind her head, held in place with two long finely adorned needles. Her large white wings are tucked behind her, bristling as if with anticipation. She didn’t have wings before…
“Mari?” I say this without moving my mouth. Meaning is evoked through the mist, carried upon its surface to the intended recipient. It’s like a giant sponge, absorbing the feelings and experiences of those it touches. It is as much a part of Eden as I am.
“Yes, Reclaimer. Do you know why we’re here?”

Noah, don’t listen to her!

“To shatter the world?” I say this as if it will bring meaning into our conversation. It does not.
“No”, she says. I can feel the words carried through the air like bullets, as if with anger at my response. “That’s what you said before”
“Before? I’ve only seen you once, back in the real world”.
“The real world? Is that what you think? You are a fool, Reclaimer—“
“Stop calling me that! My name is Noah!”
“— You are here because you want to be here. You want answers. What better place to be, than the beginning of everything?” She sneers and sweeps her hand in a smooth arc to encompass the surroundings; a mocking gesture it seems.
“And where everything begins, you will always find an opposite; light and dark. Here you will find many things are possible, and nothing improbable. Truths are cast into the open, set free from a silent mind, and I begin to wonder in honesty and consideration. Perhaps you are the snake, sent to tempt me to do the bidding of another? Maybe it was you who got us cast us out the first time?” Her eyes drop to the floor in a heartbeat, then realign with my own, a thoughtful look upon her face. “He tempted us to believe that we didn’t exist, to believe in nothing, only in the fact that we never were. How is that possible?”
“That’s only a fairytale, and I am no snake. Please stop speaking in riddles, Mari. I only want to know how to achieve what I'm destined to do."
She laughs manically, and begins to change. I look at the person I used to know as Mari, and see a parody of life; a black mannequin standing motionless before me. The wraithlike creature returns my gaze with a stone cold stare, a smile etched upon its broken face. I know I should run, but cannot. I have no control over my body.
“Who are you? Where is Mari?” I cannot think clearly, and the questions come out empty and childish.
“I am here to warn you, that is all.”
“Warn me? About what?”
“About Eden. Something is trying to corrupt it. I have constructed a frame to suspend the infection, but it won’t last.” The being before me stops, waves of flowing blackness caressing her angular face, like oil. She pauses for a while, I presume deep in thought. Then she speaks again, her voice sounding crackly and muted, like a broken radio.
“They must have had extraordinary abilities to find this place, abilities like your own. It might even be Eden itself, warning us to stop meddling. But I’ve been here long enough to know how it operates, on a human level at least. No, this is something else”.
I’m paralyzed, unable to move any part of my body. I try and work my mouth but it doesn’t respond.
“Who is it?” I think.
“I do not know. I am only an avatar…” Her body snaps upright, rigid and motionless. When she speaks, it’s like the dying tune from a ruined vinyl.
“Can you feel it, Reclaimer? The essence of an instance without end, the rhythm of another place, another time before time, to stagger through the sands that fall and dance and claw your feet when you walk the road of all dust, an endless vista only up to the point at which your journey becomes ephemeral? Will you be there, when revolution is an afterthought, and death is a misplaced word upon the lips of a broken world?”
‘You’re insane!”
“I am dust, Noah! We are all dust, to walk through the ruins and kneel beneath your feet. We should never challenge the will of the Reclaimer!”

Noah, you shouldn’t be here! Get out now!

And then it happens. The air cracks loudly with a sound that echoes inside my head, an arpeggio of bass-like instruments. It’s deafening, and I clasp my hands around my head in a futile attempt to buffer the vibrations. A scar of light filters through my closed eyelids, blinding me.

Something in the distance speaks; its voice cold and malevolent, but with echoes of other voices from other times, other places far away, weaving their accents through its own.
“Let me show you then, Child of Eden. Let me bring back to the Beginning, to witness the birth of God.”
And with that last phrase, I am nothing.

***