I can make you a man (rewrite!)

It had been twenty years ago now. Today would have been Simon’s fortieth birthday, but Simon had been dead for the last twenty years and his father was also dead. Simon’s mother was now in her mid sixties manic depressive and the only thing that kept her going was her anti depressants which she was no good without.
It all seemed such a long time ago now, well it was but some things a person never gets over. Mary had lived with this pain for too long now. She had given up on life and kept herself to herself. She used to have some friends but had cut them off long ago as the constant sympathy was too much for her. Her social skills had also diminished somewhat as she had a tendency to shout at people for no apparent reason and then falling to pieces immediately afterwards. But that had stopped as she had now become a recluse and only went out once a week for groceries, which consisted of a large bottle of Gin, cigarettes and a couple of cans of soup. Her health had disintegrated badly. The flat was now run down and a complete parody of its former self. Mary had not looked after the flat and over the years it had fallen to rack and ruin. The net curtains were ripped and stained and on the verge of falling apart. The walls were nicotine yellow, the curtains and lampshade had been half devoured by moths and the floor was awash with empty Gin bottles, over filled ash trays, newspapers and T.V guides. The television itself was permanently on, hardly ever watched but always on.

Today was a special day, it was Simon’s Fortieth birthday and she intended to celebrate. She got herself dressed, brushed her hair back but did not wash; she never bothered with that sort of thing anymore! Mary was a bit more anxious than normal as today she had to venture out further than the local shop, which was at the end of the street and was always an ordeal but never really too strenuous. Today however involved a long journey on two different buses to the other side of town to the cemetery at the top of the hill where she would be going to celebrate Simon’s Fortieth birthday. Mary frantically looked around for her bus pass as organisation had long left the agenda. It was always an ordeal looking for something as she usually spent her days just staring into space. It was eventually located down the side of the sofa. Now she was ready she made her way down to the end of the street to the bus stop where she had to wait twenty minuets for the bus. It then started to rain and quite heavily too. Mary had no umbrella so inevitably got drenched. The bus eventually arrived and Mary boarded it absolutely soaked to the skin but completely unperturbed. She was on a mission and nothing was going to stop her, especially the elements! Which was unfortunate as the rain was now becoming so heavy that Mary could hardly see out of the window and the driver had to go along at a crawl. A flash of lightning flickered in the distance followed by an almighty crash of thunder that would keep hammering away for quite some time.

The journey took longer than Mary had anticipated and eventually she arrived at her destination. She slowly got up in her damp and dripping clothes which made her very cold indeed and very uncomfortable but Mary did not care, getting waterlogged and saturated to the skin was really the last thing on her mind. Mary got off the first bus after the bus driver asked her if she was going to be ok, but she never really noticed and wasn’t really listening to him anyway. Fortunately as fate would have it the newsagents next to the bus stop sold umbrellas and even though she didn’t care much she thought she would be sensible on this occasion and equip herself with the necessary materials against the elements. Well it was a half hour wait for the next bus after all. The rain had eased off somewhat and the thunder was still rumbling away somewhere in the distance. It seemed like an eternity for her connection to arrive and any other day she would have given up but not today, she would not let anything get in the way of her mission.

Eventually the next bus arrived and poor Mary embarked for the last part of her journey up to the cemetery. As the bus drew nearer the Heavens opened up once more and Mary looked even more depressed and had now started sneezing considerably. Once more Mary disembarked and stepped straight into a very deep puddle which added insult to injury. The bus pulled away and splashed her unintentionally. Mary stopped for a while at a florist where she bought a very large and expensive wreath for Simon from a very sweet young lady who asked Mary if she wanted to stay for a while and have a hot drink and use some towels. Mary declined saying that there was no point as she was only going to get wet again anyway. To which the lady replied that she was more than welcome to seek refuge until the storm had cleared up but Mary was having none of it. She politely refused once more and told the kindly assistant that it was Simon’s Fortieth birthday and that she must not keep him waiting. So off she went back out into the raging storm clutching her now bedraggled umbrella and the wreath. As the rain lashed down on her she made her way up the hill to the cemetery. The gates creaked open and a flash of lightning lit up the gloomy sky in front of her and then she disappeared from sight amongst the gravestones.

TWENTY YEARS EARLIER

It was a most delightful film that Mary and her only son Simon sat down to watch together. They both new that they would be safe watching it as Simon’s father was out of their hair watching a football match round one of his friends houses, as was usually the case during the football season. So they knew that they would not be disturbed and settled down in complete comfort for once with a huge box of chocolates as an extra treat.
Kevin had always wanted his son to share his passion for football and had attempted to take Simon as a child to the local park with a football for a manly kick around, but Simon had absolutely hated it with a passion much to his father’s annoyance. Kevin had a very short fuse and would loose his temper at the drop of a hat and would more often than not end up screaming and shouting at poor Simon who would inevitably cry his eyes out so much that Kevin would be extremely embarrassed and have to take him home to which he would always run straight to his mother who would clean him up and tell him not to worry about the nasty old football and instead tell him to help her prepare the dinner. Which they did whilst singing along to the show tunes on the Sunday afternoon radio show. This would annoy Kevin even more who would accuse Mary of turning Simon into a ponce and a raving poof. He would then run crying into his mother’s arms for comfort. Kevin would then loose it completely and would start smashing up the kitchen sending the dinner flying across the room before storming out of the house leaving the pair of them quite terrified and shaking.

It was during these times that after cleaning up the kitchen together in a bout of silence they would afterwards seek solace in a movie together. It would provide them both with a fantasy world which would take them away from the horrific problems that they shared. Although they are very uneasy not knowing when Kevin would be back or in what mood. Sometimes he calmed down and would just slink off to his room saying nothing but other times he would come back in a drunken rage and smash the flat up. It was a very difficult situation indeed which had continued over the years. Like the last time Kevin had gone out and had got lashed up with his cronies, he had come home in a filthy mood to discover his effeminate son crying his eyes out whilst watching the end of “Casablanca”. Kevin’s immediate reaction was to hit Simon around the face as hard as possible, making his lip bleed and sending him off crying and screaming into his room which was now Simon’s sanctuary.

Kevin had only ever gone in there once and once only. So disgusted by what he saw, that he refused to go in there ever again much to Simon’s delight. It was all totally beyond Kevin’s wildest imagination what he had discovered in his son’s bedroom that day. It was indeed what you would call very camp, in the centre of the room was a gigantic poster of Judy Garland, completely surrounded by other framed pictures of old Hollywood Dames captured for all eternity in their most glamorous poses. There was Garbo, Bette Davis, Ginger Rogers, Mae West, Jean Harlow, Joan Crawford and an equally huge poster of Marilyn Monroe all covering the walls. Then of course there were the plush pink curtains and matching duvet set. Dotted amongst the faux leopard skin scatter cushions were numerous records by iconic gay idols including Bette Midler, Liza Minnelli and Elaine Page and dozens of theatre soundtracks.
In the middle of Kevin’s “nightmare” was a large dressing table which Mary had given him when her bedroom had been redecorated a while ago. Simon had made it up to look like a Theatre dressing room table with light bulbs all the way around it. This was topped off with pictures cut from magazines. Julian Clary, Lily Savage and Hinge and Brackett looked down over a prominent picture of Judy Garland as Dorothy. On the side of the dresser was a pile of Theatre programmes, souvenirs of Simon’s Theatre trips. This was far too much for Kevin, a Millwall football supporter and a huge Oasis fan, but worst of all a member of the BNP. Kevin was brought up from a very old fashioned family that stated that men should be men and that any sign of emotion was a weakness and effeminate boys were an abomination and a terrible humiliation. Any sign of the “Fairy” should be beaten out! His son’s adoration of the old Hollywood Dames was a serious issue and one he was very embarrassed about. Kevin’s attitude was that these “old has beens” should be nothing more than nostalgia for little old ladies that remembered them first time around and certainly not for a growing lad and son of his.

Kevin would lash out regularly at both Simon and Mary both emotionally and physically which made the bonding between Mother and Son even stronger as they both lived in love and pain. On one particular Saturday afternoon Kevin had met up with his football friends to watch the afternoon match at one of their houses, so was safely out of Simon’s and Mary’s way. The two of them had spent the afternoon making fairy cakes and singing along to the soundtrack from the “Sound of Music” safe in the knowledge that Kevin was well and truly out from under their feet that afternoon. After there cakes were cooked and ready they both settle down to watch the film “Ladies in Lavender”. That starred Dame Judy Dench and Dame Maggie Smith. Simon could emphasise completely with Dench’s character and situation in this film. He too had strong feelings of love for someone who in this case lived in the same street and he knew tragically that his love was one sided in the same way that Judy Dench’s character knew that the emotions she had were all ill matched and were never to be reciprocated. Simon was actually very scared of admitting that he was gay and was in complete self denial. He was terrified of his own feelings but absolutely petrified of his Father finding out. This of course did not help Simon in coming to terms with his homosexuality and really screwed him up. This was made even more painful when Kevin kept telling him that he should get himself a girlfriend and that a good woman would turn him into a real man and to make matters even worse Kevin had even offered to pay for a prostitute, much to Simon’s horror and disgust. Thankfully Mary had stepped in and had put a stop to that one. It did not make life any easier though. Kevin had turned round and told Mary that Simon needed the fairy beaten out of him, leaving her shaking as he stormed off to the pub once again.

Simon often told his Mother that he fantasised about having two friends like Maggie Smith and Judy Dench. Dreaming about summer afternoons spent in the garden with tea and cucumber sandwiches. Simon of course absolutely loved the arts and had done very well in Drama at school. In fact he had excelled in it. He was like most creative people, had always been the last one to be picked for the football team during P.E and had absolutely loathed sport with a passion. He made up for it by excelling himself when it came to Shakespeare!
It had always been Simon’s dream to go onto a career in the Theatre and he was really hoping that he would be considered for a place at R.A.D.A. His parents could not really afford the fees or more to the point Kevin had stated that he was not going to spend his hard earned cash on sending his only son to a place that would turn him into a mincing luvie ponce! Kevin thought that it was bad enough that Simon belonged to an amateur dramatic society that specialised in Shakespearean nonsense. He wanted his son to become a boxer and tried to encourage it by buying him boxing gloves and taking him along to boxing matches, every time Simon would just look at the floor and cry. This of course would send Kevin into a rage as others had seen this and as soon as they were back home he would beat Simon black and blue for showing him up in front of “real” men.

Well getting back to that ominous afternoon when Mary and Simon were watching “Ladies in Lavender” together, whilst Kevin had been out watching football round one of his friends houses. The film was coming to its conclusion, the young lad had gone to London leaving the ladies behind which had left a devastating affect on Judy Dench’s character as she had clearly fallen in love with him. As usual when Simon watched an emotional film he would inevitably start crying. It was at this point when Simon was sobbing uncontrollably that Kevin came crashing into the flat followed by five of his football friends. The sight and embarrassment that befell Kevin was too much, especially with his hard nut friends present he felt humiliated and angry which was particularly worse considering that he had to stop watching his match at a crucial point due to a power failure at his friends house.
So racing across to the other side of town to catch the end at home he was confronted by the sight of his son showing him up in front of his mates. Flying into a rage he ejected the DVD from the player, snapped it in half and threw it straight at Simon and then punched him in the face as hard as he could telling him that it was about time that he started acting as a real man for once and turned the television over to the concluding part of the football match. Mary got up to protest and Kevin slapped her round the face with the back of his hand telling her to shut up or else. All the time his Neanderthal mates were giggling and laughing enjoying the added entertainment which really made the whole situation worse for Mary and Simon. The football match continued and Simon and Mary were forced to watch it. Then it happened………..

Kevin’s team lost and badly too. He went mad and with the mixture of being extremely drunk and outraged by his son crying he lost it completely and asked his mates if they wanted some real entertainment and a good laugh. With that he took them all into Simon’s room telling them that they were about to go into “poof’s paradise!” and that they should all help him by turning Simon into a “real” man. So with that they set about smashing Simon’s room up. Tearing down the posters, stamping on the CDS, ripping up the all the Theatre posters and programmes and lacerating his teddy bears to pieces. They pulled down the curtains and the heart shaped lights and stamped on them. Kevin systematically smashed each light bulb on the dressing table
One of his friends actually urinated onto Simon’s bed. Poor Simon went to pieces this was far too much for his extremely sensitive nature. He sobbed and sobbed into Mary’s arms. Mary could not do much for him as she was too scared. Kevin came storming out of Simon’s room his face filled with rage and hatred, he pulled them both apart and threw them down on the sofa whilst his zombie friends came out absolutely loving all this drama that was playing out before them. They positioned themselves very close to Simon and Mary, so close in fact that they both felt very intimidated. It was then that Kevin told them both that he was not going to put up with Simon’s life style anymore. That Simon was to attend all of the football matches with him and his mates. That he was not going to do amateur dramatics anymore and no way was he going to run off to R.A.D.A but stay at home and become a real man. He was going to be taught boxing and would be entered in for amateur competitions. His room was to be completely redecorated and to top it all off, next week was of course Simon’s Twentieth birthday. Kevin told him that for his birthday present he was going to exorcise the fairy right out of him by paying for a prostitute and that he was going to watch with all of his mates just to make sure that the poof was flushed from his system. Simon once more broke down uncontrollably. With that Kevin said that he was going down the pub with his mates and when he got back he expected the mess in Simon’s room to be cleared up and that he was to look forward to becoming a real man or else be beaten into submission.

A week had now passed since those dreadful events and it was now Simon’s Twentieth birthday. Mary had kept on and on at Kevin trying to stop him going through with his sadistic promise but alas all she got for it was yet another beating.
It was then that Kevin went storming into Simon’s room to tell him that the prostitute had been arranged for that evening and that his football friends would be coming round to watch him become a “real” man.
When he barged in he found Simon on the bed, naked and very dead with a bottle of pills next to his now cold body. The whole experience had clearly pushed poor Simon over the edge and he had lost the plot completely. There was a note next to him which only had two words on it……..”Fuck you!”……………
Mary collapsed into a heap on the floor, crying her heart out uncontrollably, her whole body consumed with pain. Kevin freaked out and fled from the flat as fast as he could.

Mary was later informed by the Police that her husband had jumped off a bridge in front of a train and had been killed instantly……..

Today was Simon’s Fortieth birthday. Mary sat on a bench in the pouring rain holding onto a pathetic umbrella that was too week to take the full force of the storm, which still raged on. She looked down at Simon’s grave crying her eyes out thinking what might have been. Kevin had been buried over on the other side of town as Mary had not wanted their bodies to rest together. Mary had never visited Kevin’s grave in fact she never even went to his funeral.
After about an hour crying the whole time, Mary began her long journey back home. A week later Mary’s body was found in Simon’s room. She had taken an overdose.

Next to her was a note with just two words……..”Fuck you!”………………………