So much anger and confusion inside

that
i feel primitive,
the violent
sick thoughts and emotions inside
are tethered togethered, vined
in strange fashions,
they breathe
through terror films,
through avenues of shock.

i did not know where i was going,
only that i felt so guilty.
i felt as though i had killed them
i had simply watched,
dropping eyes, liquid fear and sorrow...
what was i supposed to do?

so many dead under my eyes.
they fell in silence, some screamed
then a rain of bullets
cutting away at our roots.
is it possible to live under
such weights, umbrellas of unbearable skies?
am i anyone
when i shut inside
as a flower shuts its roots
when there is no
....

i wanted to lie to people
to say i was a silent person
my lips had been pursed by a band
of thieves who made me swear that
i would not tell,
but did not trust me.
i wanted to change my name,
to change my past, the signature
to manipulate
and say i did not see it
but i wanted to tell someone...

i wanted to pass some sorrow to you
some understanding from you...
i wanted you to see that i was human
i wanted you...