Forlorn Hope (verloren hoop)

Cherry

By lenchenelf

Tue, 09 Feb 2010
  • 2257 reads
6 comments
 

Brindle shanked war, remorseless ire,
scored sod and turf, raked Ranger's fire.
Raven wing flight-feathered night
clawed sense and reason from warriors sight.

Spirits lowing, battle plume tossed,
cattle driven through sulphured mist riposte
of cannon's roar in Earth's fair face;
insult, injured, her human trace.

Dying embers, chance meet in lees fair lough,
rarer leave, in fervour hale and bluff.
Solitude spoils rank, rots file, breaks hearth.
Old bones, wold washed, cold moon reveals.

Wights cry their name, North soothe replies,
Forever Glory, hearts melt in lies.

title edit 14.02.10
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Certificate PG
Camera Obscura
Fantasy

Comments

Submitted by rjnewlyn on
I liked this a lot. The alliteration is very effective and obviously suits the genre and subject matter. Reminds me of Chesterton's Ballad of the White Horse - although obviously in a different form.

 

Submitted by lenchenelf on
Thank you, doodling again :-) (minor edit) atb lena

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Gosh...wish I could doodle like this. Clever stuff. Admired and enjoyed. Tina

 

Submitted by lenchenelf on
Thank you Tina, you are very kind :-) atb lena x

 

Submitted by jennifer on
An uncomfortable read, with regards punctuation, short-sharpness and vocabulary, and therefore effective. The rhymes are fierce. Great imagery. J x

 

Submitted by lenchenelf on
11.2.10 Hi there! Thank you, yes I was attempting fracture within a fairly tight trad solid rhyme structure, wasn't sure it would carry the weight of disjointed internal nightmarish effect or just look and read plain naff! Thanks again, atb Lenax Still tweaking :-) 13.2.10 hmmn, sort of.