Twenty Red Roses

A Dozen Red Roses

So this pair came in at a quarter to five. I mean, thank you very much. I was about to put my coat on. But they were desperate. All the punters are desperate but I mean this pair seemed desperate for real. Nice looking too. I mean it shouldn’t matter, but it does. Not flash, just smart. Brushed hair, clean nails, first impressions, like your mum used to say before you went to school. Manners too, they had.

“Sorry, sorry,” he kept saying, “But we just finished work.”

“At Gateway,” she went on, “Got off early. Sorry, I expect that’s what you wanted to do, get away early? But we have to have somewhere to go. Can’t go on staying at my friends, they are getting fed up.”

So we went through all the lists. All they wanted was a one bedroom. Not much to ask. They weren’t after a garden, not a mention of a patio, not even a balcony. But there wasn’t anything.

“You’ll have to come back next week when the new list comes out. They are in short supply, one bedroom self-containeds. “
I might as well have said everything is in short supply, unless you are bleeding rich. But Shirley the boss says I’m not to say things like that. She says that punters, sorry customers, don’t like to be compared unfavourably to others who are better off. Don’t know about unfavourable but definitely unfortunate.
Anyway I couldn’t find them a thing, not nothing. So they went all quiet and looked at each other and then he spoke up again.
“O.K It will have to be sharing then.” Big sigh.

I mean I would have offered them sharing but one bed self-contained was what they asked for. More luck with sharing.
“Now you’re talking, “I said waving my list at them. “I ‘vet got plenty on this here paper.”
By about half past five I had them all set up ready to visit 16 Clarion Gardens. Very posh, suit them to a T. Woman was off crewing on a yacht to Portugal, it’s all right for some. She wanted someone for her room, temporary, but six months was plenty of time. Her flat mate was none too happy about letting out the room to strangers but she had to come up with the rent somehow.
Anyhow, we all went off happy, them to Clarion Gardens chucking a thank you a second at me as they were off out the door and me right behind them all pleased because it gave me a good feeling getting them sorted.
The evening didn’t turn out to be a thrill a minute; Jed didn’t show up till after closing time, pissed as a newt as per usual. Even then I still went into work the next day all chirpy and ready for my next good deed

Then would you believe it, Interflora turns up with a dozen red roses from those two. All right I admit it, just for a moment I thought they were from Jed, just for a second though, I never get that lucky, me.
“Thanks for setting us up,” the card said. Funny way of putting it, but red roses are red roses so I was well pleased me.

About half past three the phone rang. I put on my best smiling Samantha phone voice but it was wasted. The frost coming down the line did my head in. I didn’t catch the name but it didn’t take long to work out who it was.

“Those people you sent, they are not working and I did specify no DSS. But what is more and what is worse, while they lounge around my flat they are smoking pot.”

“Oh dear,” was about all I could say. When I told Shirley, she said the owner would have to call the police.

“Not our responsibility once they have signed the lease. We take people on trust. The lessor must satisfy themselves as to the suitability of the lessee its all in the small print. I expect she didn’t take up the references. It is astounding how many people just take at face value they are given on a piece of headed notepaper. You’ll have to ring her back. I don’t want the agency taking the blame for this.”

I rang her back. All the great jobs, that’s me. It was a hold the phone a mile away from the ear number, this one.

“What call the police? Have they arrested? In my flat? I thought I had paid an agency to do all this for me. What do you do for your exorbitant fee? What a dreadful business.” On and on she went.

Not that I didn’t feel just that teeny bit responsible. First I got all steamed up over it. Red, bloody roses. Not me that set them up, they set me up good and proper. Sold me a right dodgy story. Then I started to feel sorry for them. I wouldn’t have found them anywhere if they had said they were DSS. And they had to have a roof over their heads even if did have horrible habits. Bit bloody stupid though, should have kept their heads down for a few days. Hung out in the bushes in the park to smoke the wacky baccy or used up an aerosol of air freshener like kids sneaking a fag when Mum’s out. Perhaps I should have asked a few more questions instead of being in a rush to get away. Like what where they going to tell me? Really. Maybe if it hadn’t have been for the roses, I wouldn’t have felt involved somehow. Anyhow one way or another I could not get the silly pair off my mind.

So five o’ clock comes around and what do I go and do. I went round there, didn’t I? Right little angel of mercy wasn’t I? It was the flowers. Kept thinking how chuffed I’d been by them. Couldn’t take that away from them, it was a right nice thing to do.

Anyhow I rang on the doorbell and the man answered and I asked if I could step in and have a quick word. All three of us stood in the hall and I said my piece about keeping their heads down, being discreet and he just said “Oh” and “I see” and “Thank you” and she didn’t say anything, just kept nodding her head like one of those plastic doggies.

And I went off home pleased with myself again. Thinking even if they were stupid they were at least polite which was more than I could say for most people I know.

Next day, I went in to work in a right old mood. Jed finally decided to show his face at midnight again, rat arsed, surprise, surprise. The usual, at six o’ clock a phone call.
“Just a few beers with me mates girl, see you in an hour. I’ll bring a take away.”
“Great, another night in front of the telly.”
“Romantic, yeah.”
“No, boring.”
“Don’t be like that Stell. See you in an hour. ”

And I was fifteen minutes late for work so I walked in all ready with my excuses and there they all were looking back at me as if I’m some bad smell.

“Didn’t you see the policeman?” Shirley started on me, “They only just this minute left. They wanted to see you. They have been here since we opened. It’s been stripped, taken the furniture, the whole bloody lot. Clarion Gardens. That bloody couple causing all that trouble yesterday, they have done a moonlight flit. “

My jaw was hitting the floor. Apart from anything,’d never heard Shirley swear, not even damn.

“When?”

“Last night. The other woman stayed with her fiancée last night. Came back this morning to find the place empty. “

And to think, I had felt sorry for them. Cured me of that I can tell you. Turned out they had been doing it all over the country, move in, move out, take the lot. Once is a one thing, but five times is a habit. I told Jed that too when I gave him the boot.