We Are Worlds Apart: from the book 'The Students Sold Us Secrets Vol 1'

We are Worlds Apart

Everybody had something at school to rely on when things got tough. Some kids looked forward to exams, others were good at sports. Some kids were musicians, while others were artists. I was none of those. What got me up every morning was love. I had love in my heart, and felt it all the time. The love gave me a strength and energy that I used to push on through the school year. However, my love was only one way.
I loved Kyle Kim. It didn’t matter that he didn’t know, that’s how I liked it. I had something from him that I would keep forever and even though he didn’t know it, I still held it close to my heart every night. My love for him was something he’d never really understand, and we were far too different to ever even meet. We were from two completely different worlds. He was the school captain and the captain of the football team. He was also Mr. Popular. Everyone stopped and looked when he went by, including me. His family was really rich. Both his parents had a huge influence over the school, being involved with every special school event, and basically ruling the P. T. A.
Kyle Kim was like a god at school, and I was his loyal follower—his devoted priest. He was adored by the girls, respected by the boys, and when he entered the room everybody stopped and listened. Everybody wanted to be like Kyle as he topped most of his classes, and excelled on the football field. Everybody liked Kyle, but I loved him. Actually, I worshiped him. I even had an altar dedicated to him in a secret part of my room. In his altar was a perfect photo of Kyle, standing proud, giving a speech at a school meeting. I had four small candles surrounding his perfect smile so that his face would light up when the candles flickered. I prayed daily before my altar of Kyle. My prayer was the same every time and went like this:

Dearly beloved perfect grin
Please forgive my daily sins
Give me strength with your eyes
You are my love and my pride
I will always hide within
But you can fly with angels’ wings

But nobody heard my prayer. I wished Kyle would hear it, but I knew that was impossible. We were from totally different worlds. I was the girl at school that nobody knew or even remembered for that matter. Few kids knew my name or barely noticed me walking from class to class with my head bowed staring at the ground. My teachers couldn’t remember my name either, as I never talked in class, and always sat at the back, head down and eyes closed. I could die one day in a horrible car accident, and no one would realize it. They’d go on doing the same things they always do. I don’t even look like any of the kids at school. They wore all the latest trends and bright accessories. I wore a long black skirt every day to school, and my hair covered my face for protection. I bet nobody even knew the color of my eyes. They were black.
I didn’t mind having no friends at school. I hid behind thick novels and daydreamed all the time. My head was my best friend. In my head I could be anything, usually I would imagine being with Kyle Kim. We would hold hands, and he’d smile at me with that perfect smile. We’d dance down the school hallways, and everyone would applaud our every step. He’d guide me gently through the crowds of jealous students. They would hiss like vampires as we would float above the ground.
I dreamt of Kyle Kim too, usually every night. He was my husband, and I was his wife. We would live a perfect life together in a huge, three-storey, modern house. He’d come home from work every day in a perfect business suit. I’d greet him with a kiss, and I’d have his meal ready. Our kids would look just like Kyle. They would play freely in the yard without a worry in the world. I loved this dream and never grew tired of it.
Of course, in reality everything was different. Kyle Kim was not married to me. He was going out with the school’s Mrs. Perfect: Alice Jiang. She was extremely beautiful, and, I admit, both her long perfect black flowing hair and her huge sparkling brown eyes were amazing. I couldn’t help but be totally jealous. She walked like a supermodel with long skinny legs, and somehow got away with wearing high heels to school every day. I desperately wanted to trade places with her, but knew it was impossible.
I was way too shy to even say a word to Kyle Kim, and I knew that Mrs. Perfect Alice Jiang would likely hold his hands in the hallways until graduation. She was constantly reminding me that Kyle was hers forever. It was written on her smile. After graduation they would probably get married, and live the life that I dreamt of so often. After all they were made for each other—it was their destiny. The King would marry his Queen. He would never choose a slave over royalty!
I wasn’t going to do something about it. I wasn’t going to make a huge fool of myself in front of the whole school. If I confessed my love for him, he would probably laugh in my face, and I couldn’t handle that sort of rejection. It would destroy my world, and kill my mind in the process. The thought of this made me shiver, so I went on admiring my God from a distance. I went on silently loving him.
There was one time, in science class, when Kyle looked directly at me. He was holding his biology textbook and must have been thinking about one of the questions in the chapter. He opened his mouth, and just then I thought he was going to ask me something from across the room, but he turned back around and continued on with his work.
Another time, I was going to intentionally bump into him on my way to class. I timed my move so that he would brush his shoulder into mine, and probably wouldn’t think twice of it. This plan backfired as I got too nervous when he approached, and, as he neared, I turned awkwardly and fell to the ground, dropping my books everywhere. I watched him walk off, shouting to a friend. He didn’t even see me for a second.
I went on watching his back in class and stared at his neck and hair. I spent days following him around like a shadow while my love for him grew and grew, until I knew I had to do something, something that no one would ever notice and realize. So I did something—my way.
It all started when I managed to get my hands on the janitor’s keys. I was sitting on the toilet reading Twilight, hiding, as I usually did, at lunchtime. My mind was on Kyle, I thought of his smile and the way he walked. I was reading the words on the pages, but I wasn’t taking in their meaning. All I really saw was Kyle, Kyle, Kyle . . . all over each page.
I was suddenly brought out of my Kyle trance by a mop sliding under the toilet door, and the annoying pitch of Beijing Opera coming from outside. The janitor must have been cleaning the floor, and I thought nothing of it, until destiny dropped at my feet. The janitors’ keys sat sprawling inches from my feet. The mop disappeared, and soon after the Beijing Opera trailed off, until I heard the outside door slam shut. The keys were sitting there, waiting.
I couldn’t resist. I snatched them up, and put them in my bag. I put Twilight back in my bag, flushed the toilet, and ran out of there as quick as I could. Of course, no one noticed me. They didn’t see me smiling in the corner. The janitors’ keys were heavy, and I couldn’t stop touching them. I had the key to every door in the school. I sat there like a child on Christmas morning wondering what was I going to do with them. Then an idea struck me.
I went home and didn’t sleep at all. In fact, I wasn’t even home. I snuck back to school late in the night, and let myself in the front gate, thanks to the janitor, not to mention my destiny. I loved how the school looked at night with nobody around. The walls whispered to each other like old friends, and the windows creaked from the eerie wind. The classrooms glowed silver from the moonlight as shadows stretched like tree branches across the empty hallways, my shadow included. I thought everything was beautiful.
I could have gone to any room in the school. I thought about breaking into the Principals’ office, the cafeteria, and the library, but quickly decided to go straight to my classroom. I went straight to Kyle’s desk, and sat in his chair, sighing. His perfect smell was all over it. I ran my hands over his desk, smiling. Peering under his desk I found papers. I turned my flashlight on to find it was his math homework. His name sat perfectly written on the top right-hand side of the worksheet. I chanted his answers like a prayer. My whispers echoed across the empty room.
I rubbed the chair with my legs, noticing something else on the desk. Looking closer, I squinted to find something that I would treasure for the rest of my life—a single strand of hair. As I sniffed at it, I knew it was Kyle’s. I picked it up carefully and caressed it over my face. Smiling in the darkness I sat there straining my eyes, staring at Kyle’s single strand of hair.
In a daze of happiness I didn’t notice hours go past. I thought about leaving, until another idea struck me. Kyle’s Locker! I ran to the hallway and searched in the dark. It was easy, because I could track his smell. I was like a blind mole, underground, searching for food.
I found it moments later and tried to open it. I pulled out the janitors keys, and started jamming them into the padlock. I tried every key, all twenty-seven of them, but none worked.
Then I realized what I was doing. Of course the janitor’s keys wouldn’t work. It was his locker, and only his key would open it. I wished so much that I had that key in my hand. All those useless keys and not one of them worked. The key that I desperately needed was probably in Kyle’s pocket or in his room, a place that I would never be able to enter.
I started to get angry. Rage began to build up inside me. I felt it itching in my chest and growing in strength. It leaked into my shoulders and crept across my arms like poison. Soon the rage was all over me, and I became one with it. I was rage.
I set my rage free on Kyle’s locker—before it destroyed me—fists flying and nails scratching. I was an animal, a violent beast sending my claws into the padlock that separated me from my prey. I sent my head smashing into the locker door, and felt warm blood drip from my forehead. I kicked, hacked and elbowed at that locker . . . until, finally, I got what I wanted.
I stepped back exhausted, licking the blood that dripped from my face. The padlock opened, and fell to the ground. The echo of it hitting the ground vibrated like music through the empty hallway. The locker door creaked open, and Kyle’s sweet smell engulfed me. My rage weakened as I glanced at Kyle’s football jersey, hanging there covered in dirt and grass stains. Leaving a pool of my own blood outside the hallway I stepped into Kyle’s locker. There I wrapped myself in Kyle’s football jersey. His dried sweat, mixed with the blood, still fresh on my arms and shoulders. I squeezed myself into those three metal walls and pulled the door shut. Turning my flashlight on, I strained my eyes and saw a photograph of Alice Jiang smiling back at me, a perfect row of teeth under those stunning eyes.
My rage did not return.
I smiled back at Alice Jiang realizing this was the closest I had ever been to Kyle Kim. It was ecstasy. I pulled my knees up to my chin and sat there squashed-in like a present waiting to be opened. I looked up to see Kyle’s Biology textbook and his science notebook on the top shelf. The pain that I had inflicted on myself vanished. I closed my eyes and fell asleep in Kyle’s football jersey. It felt just like he was holding me, embracing my wounded body.
There I dreamt of our wedding day. The flowers falling from the sky like snow. The promises we made were from the heart. Tears of joy ran down our faces, and our eyes met knowing the future. Clapping hands were heard along with the fresh sound of water running. The smell of Kyle’s sweat came thick from his shiny tuxedo.
I awoke to see the beautiful shadows had vanished and horrible sunshine was creeping into the hallway. Wearily, I tumbled out of Kyle Kim’s locker, and stumbled out of the school like a drunken old man. I held Kyle’s strand of hair tightly.
A few days passed before I could return to school. It took a lot of lying to Mum and Dad, but soon everything went back to normal. I prayed that everything would turn out alright. I bowed to his photo every night, and said my prayer over and over again.
Kyle Kim didn’t seem that worried when he found my dried up blood at the foot of his locker. He didn’t even seem to care that there were bloodstains all over his football jersey either. No, Kyle Kim was above that sort of thing. He dismissed it as just random vandalism and went on living his perfect life.
No one had a clue. I continued being unnoticed all year, ignored by all. That’s how I liked it and that’s how it stayed. I never stopped loving Kyle Kim, and everywhere I went I held his strain of hair, tightly hidden in my bloody pocket.

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