traffic ticket

She steps on the brake simultaneously as she pulls over to the side of the road. Behind her the flashing lights are both obvious and annoying. She pulls down her flap in front of her to check her face but before getting the flap down she throws it back up---she knows she looks good.

The cop gets out of the car behind her. It is a he-cop, and the he-cop stands tall with his Stetson bearing not a crease or a wrinkle. He makes his way up to the driver’s side of her car. She already has her window down.

He-Cop: “Ma’am, I clocked you in at 90 miles an hour just now---90 miles an hour. Were you aware of how fast you were going?

Lady Driver: “Yes sir, I was.”

He-Cop: “Ma’am, the posted speed limit is 45. You were going double that.”

Lady Driver: “What can I say officer? I like speed.”

He-Cop: “Uh huh. Well ma’am, I need to see your license and registration.”

Lady Driver: “Uh huh.”

He-Cop: “Excuse me ma’am? Did you hear me? I asked for your license and registration.”

Lady Driver: “I heard you officer. I heard you, and I said “Uh-huh.”

He-Cop: “Ma’am, please don’t be difficult about this. Just give me your license and registration so I can go get this written up and we can be done with this, yes?”

She pauses, looking him up and down, then reaching into her glove compartment to get the documents in question.

Lady Driver: “Sure, I can do that for you officer. No problem. But I must say...”

She looks up at him when she is passing him the documents and then her eyes trail downwards as she continues to speak.

Lady Driver: “...that bulge in your pants says you might want something more.”

The he-cop steps back after receiving the documents and looks at her with a look that is both shock and offended.

He-Cop: “Excuse me? Ma’am I’ll have you know that this is just a routine traffic violation, a speeding ticket, but if you want it can be a whole lot more.”

She laughs and grips the wheel with her hands looking outward and then back at him.

Lady Driver: “You don’t have to ask me twice officer.”

He-Cop: “Ma’am, are you aware of the consequences that come with trying to bribe an officer?”

Lady Driver: “Bribe an officer? Is that what I was doing? Look sir, I think we both know what is going on here. I am not talking about the context of the situation. I am not speaking of how it was that we met. How we met, officer, is really none of my concern. What is my concern is that it is late in the evening and I am feeling a bit hungry. From the physical cues you have been giving me, I think you are feeling hungry too. And listen, all I am saying is that two consenting adults can do whatever they want to. No one is here to tell us any different are they?”

He-Cop: “Ma’am. I am an officer of the Law, and I am on duty.”

Lady Driver: “Oh yes, duty. Well, when is your duty over with officer? Certainly a strapping young lad like yourself has got to be getting home soon to satisfy the missis, doesn’t he? I bet she’s a hot young thing herself, all spread out in some satin thing, waiting for you to come n’ rock her world till’ sunrise.”

He-Cop: “Ma’am, stop. You are off base. I’m a married man, and besides that, I could have you out here and cuffed. Do you want to be going back to the station with me tonight? Is that what you are looking to do?”

Lady Driver: “Off base?!”

She laughs a bit more and then tracing the
steering wheel seductively with her index
fingertip, she holds out her hand that bears a wedding ring.

Lady Driver: “Being off base would be me hiding this ring in the glove compartment. But I’m right on base, sweetheart. I’m betting you would love to go all four bases with me right now. Your body doesn’t lie, officer, and a minute ago, before you placed that paperwork in front of you, you looked harder than a two by four just waitin’ to be widdled! I bet you’d like me cuffed. I bet you’d like a lot of things, officer, and you can have em’, you know you can. I’m offering you the night of your life, and you can go on and let that animal inside you roam free, or, I suppose, you can go on back to your cruiser and continue to color within the lines---make sure that you always wait till’ the light changes to cross the street, etcetera.”

The officer is perplexed, clearly. There is a certain power that this woman has, even though he knows that he has a gun. He is part of “the Law”---he is supposed to have the upper hand in this situation, and yet he feels like the parameters in which he normally functions---they are being stretched and melted down into something else now. He is confused and getting a bit angry at the fact that he is confused, so he unclips his holster and pulls his gun from it.

He-Cop: “Get out of the car. Get out of the car and place your hands on your hood.”

The lady driver smiles, pushes her flowing hair to the side and opens the door. When she steps out the he-cop does his best not to notice what she is wearing, what her figure looks like, or anything else that might bend his sense of focus---his sense of “the Law.”

Lady Driver: “Oh, I can do that officer. I can do plenty of that.”

The officer cocks his pistol and the lady driver hears it.

Lady Driver: “I bet you didn’t get much in high school, did ya?”

As the woman bends over and places her hands on the hood she throws her head to the opposite side and arches her back. The officer pulls from his belt, the cuffs, and comes up behind her. He places his hand on her left wrist and gently pulls her arm around back so he can get the cuffs on her. When he does so she backs up right against him and starts to gyrate slowly around, massaging his crotch. He quickly pulls the right arm around and cuffs her with both behind her back. She stands now up straight and with the hands behind her back, she gently cups his crotch, kneading him. He hesitates to pull away, with one hand on her cuffs and the other still gripping the cocked pistol. He is very confused now.

Lady Driver: “Officer, the chances of you meeting a woman like me in the middle of nowhere is slim to none, and you know it. I would bet that you have never met a woman who is so attractive and yet so forward as myself in your whole life. It’s your lucky night. You can take the time you need to write down all your little forms, or you can just dive into the main course. It doesn’t matter to me, the longer I wait, the wetter I get.”

The officer grips the pistol and looks towards her. Her neck is so smooth, her hair is like silk cascading down past her shoulders. He breathes in her perfume and it sends his mind racing. His heart beating fast. He looks around, up and down the highway---she is right, there is no one around. And even if there was, it would have to be another cop, or perhaps a soldier or an FBI agent, wouldn’t it? He is “the Law” and right now, on this street there is no one above him. If he looks at her, letting his eyes pass down over her, he feels that there will be no way out of the inevitable conclusion. He still stands by his code, his own personal drive to not be swayed by anyone in his pursuit of justice, however, and he shakes his head clear and pushes her towards the cruiser with the hand that is gripping the pistol sweating a bit. The lady driver lets go of his crotch as they start walking toward the cruiser. Instead, now, she walks in a manner by which her hips slink from side to side as if in slow motion---something straight out of a Hollywood film. Her clothes are classy, but they leave nothing to be desired. The officer walks next to her so as to not be tempted to even look in her direction.

Lady Driver: “I have to tell you, officer, I am impressed. I thought I had you back there. I mean, I could feel it throbbing in my hands. I could only imagine it throbbing inside me, and I had all that going on in my own mind---my body on fire. You were able to get rid of all that feeling so quick. That is very impressive. You are a prime example of our law enforcement agency here in this fine state. You’re a real tool.”

The officer opens the door to the back seat, presses the lady’s head down so that she will not hit her head on the roof and she obliges and gets in the back of the car. He closes the door behind her. Before getting into the driver’s seat he lets out a great sigh. He then opens the door, gets in the seat, puts the keys in the ignition and drives back onto the road making his way down the highway.

Lady Driver: “Don’t you have to check me out? Don’t you have to call all my info in?”

He-Cop: “I’ll do all that at the station.”