push-ups for jesus

johnny doe you know he did
push-ups for jesus + johnny doe
you know he did one in the morn
after watching porn + keeping his
arms strong in the characters name
he exerted himself for the savior
he did push-ups for jesus + he found
himself getting stronger + yes he did
his push-ups for the man with the
plan the messiah coming back again
+ johnny went down n’ told his
mommy “momma, i’ve just done
my reps for the day, do ya think
mr. christ will like me that way?” +
johnny went to the gym and did
his flexes n’ his raising of the
weighted bar---he kept in line he
didn’t go to far he never let them
eyes of his wander + johnny walked
the straight n’ narrow no matter
rain or shine, he’d been waiting
20 years on the one who he believed
turned water into wine + johnny
was a trooper for jesus.

johnny was a good boy he kept his
arms strong he worked at his bi’s n’
his tri’s & he pumped them quads
for the one who walked on water
just for him he knew it deep deep
down within.

down on the ground in the early
morn down on the ground when
lunch time rolled around down on
the floor when the night time
swore to everybody else you know
maybe just maybe it’s time to go
to sleepy but no no no johnny flexed
his muscular physique for the man
who he still swore had the plan.

one day while oiling up himself in
front of the mirror n’ crossing himself
while slicking his chest from the
father to the son to the holy spirit
n’ back down to gripping his
superduperjesusconnector he saw
in the reflection of the mirror
another behind him with a long
red pointed tale just like those found
in the cartoons that he always
swore were based on the same
biblical fact cause’ he knew that
no one ever really denied that one
simple truth---that everybody in
spirit always did their own push-ups
for jesus.

johnny figured that he wasn’t doing
enough + he felt he was slipping
back into something of a less fit
life + what would the man with the
plan think of him if his muscles
slunk down into spam?

he had to work harder
he had to buy protein powder
he had to spend more hours at getting
MUCH MUCH STRONGER
for jesus
because when the rapture came round
johnny doe you know he wanted
to be at the front of the line
with his oily glistening pecks screaming
in the name of mr. loaves of bread n’ fish
himself.

but that damn pointy-red-tailed thingy
kept coming round the gym n’ showing its
ugly head in the mirrors taunting
johnny like no tomorrow n’ no matter
how tight johnny made his buttocks he
feared being taken by the character called
satan.

johnny felt he had to make a stand if
he was ever gonna get to see his man
with the plan + so one morning he got up
& oiled himself down (after relieving
himself to his favorite movie) then
gone in his living room he started his
non-stop push-up-fest (gonna exert
exert exert that damn demon away)
n’ he felt he would make it all make
a difference.

down to the ground with the tip of his
nose & then back up again, with each
push he told himself “get back thee
satan! get back thee! leave me! leave
me!” & his arms became harmed by the
hours upon hours of exertion & further
hallucinations because you see when
you don’t eat n’ you don’t sleep n’
you don’t do anything but push-ups for
jesus you die doing push-ups for jesus.

needless to say the savior never came
& when the police showed up a few
days later they found the lone holy
masturbator laying face down in his
living room reeking of oil & piety.