8. Life just got better - The Hero

What would you do?

Me? … watch TV, and perhaps drink a lot of alcohol. And take my medication.

I forgot to take my medication last night so my brain is starting to fizz. They call it “brain shivers”, because that’s how it feels, every time you move your eyes, the brain lags behind, and somewhere in behind the eyes a fizzing crackle of electricity across the surface of the mind. I want something stronger, something to switch the brain off, but the doctors don’t give me the good stuff, not since the remote control incident.

It’s only 11 am. Andy's at work and he won’t be back for hours. He has my teeth. I checked the garage and my car, all battered and bloody. His car is gone.

If you were me, what would you be doing? Surely not watching TV and waiting for the axe to fall. Heroes don’t do that, not in stories. Not in the good stories at least. You would be proactive. The first Plot Point has fallen, it is time to respond. Seek out that antagonistic force and confront it. Force the first Pinch Point. Let the audience see what is at stake; let them glimpse the nature of it face to face.

Effort, I know, right?

So I watch Judge Judy. I watch Oprah.

Live free, with wings. It’s only a panty pad commercial, but it registers a tone. It strikes a chord. Last night in the rain, digging that rough pit, I felt good.

Calvin Kline says his new scent for men will get the girl.

It was her boyfriend that came crashing through my windscreen. I wonder what scent he wore. Something else too; he had a shotgun. Where did the shotgun go?

If I were a proper hero there would be so much work to be done. I would have to clean that car for a start. Burn my clothes or something. I could reflect on what exactly happened last night, and how, and why. Gather intelligence. I could even go and confront Andy at work, perhaps confess to him, confide in him. Maybe find an ally, a trusted sidekick.

Just one thing, and here it is, I have run out of smokes. Disaster!

Do you get panic attacks when you feel overwhelmed? I do. I bet you know the feeling. I bet you understand why I do nothing. And why going out into the daylight can be traumatic. Why a simple trip to the store for smokes can be terrifying.

On the telegraph poles in my neighbourhood, people tape flyers. On the flyers are pictures of animals.

Tiffy : missing since blah blah date. Please call blah blah blah.

Roach : (Staffy Terrier) has a white diamond on his chest and two white front feet - he is very friendly.

When I see these, as I walk to the corner shop sometimes, I get this feeling I am missing something. I assume it’s what they call empathy. A hero should have empathy. Even the antihero needs to feel something in the end.

Score one point to me.

A hero should seek out the events that drive the story, not let them come to him. He should be a driving force, not a passenger.

Minus one point to me.

It’s the girl. She is in a car and signing for me to get in.