Morning After 1

I am in a deep ocean. It is breathing. It's so nice in here with all these fish swimming around. I hear a voice above the waters but I can't make out the words. I want to stay inside of here forever.

I am scratching on a chalkboard, making really high-pitched sounds. Who am I? Where am I? I imagine that I am a vampire.

I hear the voice again. My dreams are drowning me. Then something pops. I open my eyes.

"Jay, can you see me? Please, speak Jay. I love you."

"Who are you?" Jay responded, looking at her confusedly.

"What the fuck do you mean by "who am I"? You don't know who I am. I'm your wife, Rachel."

"Please calm down Mrs. Lee. It's a miracle that he is speaking. He has just woken up from a coma," the nurse advised.

Tears were streaming down her face. She felt as if she had just been slapped on the face by him. Rachel, calm down, she told herself. Contain yourself... he has just come out of a coma. He's alive and he's not going to have to spend the rest of his life as a disabled invalid. He couldn't remember her. How could he not remember her? Bastard. Was the rest of his memory gone too?

The doctor smiled at her.
"The good news is that he has come out of a coma. He will, however, need to stay in the hospital for a few weeks so that we can find out what is wrong with his memory. Of course, we will also be testing his other functions."

"How can he not remember me?"

"I can't answer that question at this moment Mrs. Lee."

"Can you answer anything? Does anyone know anything?" Rachel asked.

She was crying in the car as she drove home. She prayed to God with her inner voice, asking God what was the point of having Jay back if he didn't remember a thing about her. This is one fucked up world, she thought. She entered her house, sat on the couch and lit a cigarette. Fucked up world, she thought as she blew the smoke out through her nose. Her tears started to dry. They could form new memories, new experiences. Jay with his memories laundered by an injury to the head. FUCKED UP. Why am I saying fuck up so many times today?

She went to the fridge and looked at a picture of Jay and her at Wellesley. He looked so sleek and thin. That's what she had liked about him, that is, that he looked like a go getter. He was sleek and thin and smart. They had met at a bar. He was BU student back then. He was drinking with his buddies and she was drinking alone. He bought her a drink and when he glanced at her, she felt something electric.

Was that love that she felt?

Who was Rachel? Could she be erased from a person's memory just like that? Could God erase her from reality? Who was Rachel, she wondered again. They would do tests on him to find out what was wrong with him. That was a good thing, a very good thing.

She poured herself some scotch, the gulped it down. Hours and hours and days and days she had spent with him, telling him stories about their life together, planning a trip to commemorate their anniversary, and sharing her deepest emotions with him. Sometimes she felt like she was going crazy, telling him things that made no sense. During all that time, he had been within the womb of the coma. Sometimes, his arm would move involuntarily. Other times, his leg would kick. She was wounded by a few blows herself, being so excited about his body movements. After all that, he couldn't remember her name.