Highway Part 24

Highway Chapter 16

            I was so tired I wanted to die. My eyes burned, and I couldn’t rub away the sleep. A headache was slowly building behind my temples.

I trailed behind Matt, feeling the exhaustion spread to my entire body. It permeated the rest of my limbs, and I began to walk just like a zombie. I was so tired I almost didn’t even see where we were walking.

Matt called my name, and I realized I had almost run into a wall. Matt cleared his throat and we stopped. He told me that he was going to carry me to town. I thought I had misheard him because I was tired, but he seemed like I heard him right. Was he serious? I wasn’t going to let him carry me. I voiced the thought to him, and told him I was fine. He insisted I wasn’t, and to just let him carry me. I told him I was fine again, snapping at him. He reminded me I had almost run into a wall. As I was about to yell at him, he bent down to my eye level, just as he had in the bar the day I met him.

“Please,” he said gently.

He told me to humor him. I thought a moment, my teeth clenched, but finally agreed to let him carry me. I was tired, and he was stubborn. I told him he was impossible, and then made fun of him being old. He pretended to be offended, but I knew he was joking.

I felt awkward at first, because I had never had a piggy back ride before. But the tugging on my eyelids became more persistent, and my head came down to land on Matt’s shoulder. He was warm and comfortable, and I fell asleep.

I dreamed not of nightmares, but of fields of bunnies. In that field was that boy I had seen last night, my brother. I wondered why I knew he was my brother, but I didn’t know who my other family members were. I was in the smaller version of myself again.

He smiled down at me, a brilliant row of white teeth showing. He had freckles on his face, skin almost as pale as mine. His hair was slightly overgrown, hanging in front of his face. He was tall and gangly, but with strong muscles. Many could say he looked solemn, but his smile was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. He grabbed my hands, swinging me around in a playful dance. We laughed together, and I felt a happiness so complete it filled my heart overcome me. The boy was about my age now, on the verge of eighteen.

We lay down in the meadow grass, laughing about some joke.

“What are we going to eat today, big brother?” I had asked.

“I don’t know,” he replied,

“Mom had to work late tonight. How about I make you some macaroni and cheese?”

I exclaimed with joy at this and tackled him in a hug. He laughed, swinging me high in the air.

The dream transitioned to a bedroom filled with stuffed animals. The boy played with one of them for me, making it dance. He sat on the edge of my bed, and told me a bedtime story. I watched my smaller self tell the boy she loved him lots.

“More than I love candy!” I exclaimed.

The boy laughed, and gave me a kiss on the forehead. He tucked me in, and rubbed his nose against mine in a farewell gesture. I watched as I begged him to sing for me, just one song. There was a crash from downstairs and some yelling, and I jumped. What was that? He hesitated, then began to sing quietly. I realized with a start that it was the very same lullaby I had sung the other night to sleep.

I was interrupted by Matt’s voice telling me we were here. I stretched feeling refreshed, and telling Matt I hoped I drooled on him.

We entered the gigantic city, and I marveled at all of the building, tall as the sky. I kept up with Matt as he moved through the crowd. We approached a tavern, and he told me his friend was in there. I could find him, for he felt different like Matt.

He was a big man, thicker in build than Matt, and was just as tall.  He had medium dark skin, and a graying mustache. His hair was short, a buzz cut. Matt insulted him, and he insulted him back. Then they embraced like two old friends, patting each other on the back. His laughter boomed out of him, echoing around the busy room.

Matt gestured for me to join them.I cautiously approached, and waited as he introduced me to the man, Julian. He studied me for an awkward moment, and then started laughing. I looked at Matt, confused, but he shrugged. He exclaimed something about Matt being like him now. Matt said nobody could be like him. He suddenly grabbed me for a bear hug, and I squeaked in surprise.

I pushed away from him semi violently. He apologized, telling me he didn’t mean to scare me, and calling me Victoria. Matt corrected him, sounding out each syllable in my name. Julian called him a smartass, and I stifled a giggle.

We went to check into a hotel, his friend following us. I wasn’t sure where I fit in here, where I was in the equation. I stayed by Matt, but kept out of range of Julian’s strange behavior. That was why when Matt told me I should do some sightseeing, I was more than ready to go.

He tried to give me a send-off, but I interrupted him, listing the usual things. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I wondered if I should have interrupted. I stuttered out a reply, “Thanks for teaching me the rules?” it was to butter him up, and he knew it. The corners of his lips turned up ever so slightly. He reminded me of the time and the place as I tried to leave and then released me.

Feeling excitement from such a vibrant city, I wondered around. I saw the famous landmarks, including but not limited to a giant rubber band ball and the county’s tallest building. I browsed the shops, looking at the trinkets and knick-knacks. 

Little things kept reminding me of my brother. Memories flooded back at every opportunity, tearing down the wall of things I couldn’t remember. The painted turtle reminded me of my stuffed one. The Hawaiian flower reminded me of the days we would pretend we were on vacation there. We would have fake parties and do the limbo, wearing flip flops and silly leis. The smell of gingerbread made me think of our gingerbread house. The frosting wasn’t sticking, so we just glued it together. Why was I just remembering him now? I hadn’t known about him for years, and suddenly he decides to pop up in my memories. I felt an odd sensation build in my stomach.

Shrugging it off, I continued my pursuit for landmarks. When it came close to time to meet Matt, I walked to the tavern. We ate dinner there while I told him about all of the cool things I saw today.

We headed back to our hotel, and got ready to go to bed. After I took a shower, I went out to the balcony conjoining our rooms.

Matt called to me from inside, saying Julian was going to come with us for two days. I made a face at him. He was too… everything to me. Too much was going on with that man. He told me to be nice, that he was a really good guy.

When I gave him a doubtful look, he said, “You have to learn to be open-minded with people. If you start disliking him just because he’s different, you become the same as everyone who shunned you because you were different.”

I was startled by the comment. I thought back to all the painful nights those people caused me. No, I was nothing like them. I told that to Matt, whispering. I was furious he would suggest the idea, but finding truth in the general statement. My face grew hot with embarrassment.

I looked to my fuzzy slippers, examining them as best I could, just so I wouldn’t have to look at him. He sighed, and closed his book.

“I know you’re not, Veronica,” he commented softly, “And that’s why I’m telling you this. I don’t want anyone to think you are like that, because you aren’t.”

Feeling awkward and uncomfortable, I went back out to the balcony. The night air was cool, and the white noise of the city served as a constant backdrop. It was loud when compared to the forest, and not nearly as beautiful. Still, it was calm out here. I thought to myself that I should give this Julian a chance. Matt held him in high regard, something that is no easy feat.

I trotted back in, and asked Matt if Julian was going to hug me again. It was a legitimate question, but it was mostly just to lighten the mood. He told me he didn’t know, but to bear with him. He said Julian grows on you. I rolled my eyes, but decided I would give him the chance he deserved.

As I began to grow tired, I worried about my sleep. But I had slept this morning to only have dreams full of my brother. Maybe they were over and I was just rediscovering my family through dreams. Reassured, I dismissed the worries from my mind. The only thing that remained was the odd sensation, one that had increased since this morning. It wasn’t fear or worry, but this mix of feelings I couldn’t understand.

Brushing it off as something I ate, I bid Matt goodnight. He joked with me about bed bugs, and I called him a snot.

I hopped into the plushy bed, tucking Ozzie inside the blanket. I rested my weary head on the pillow, and drifted off into dreamland. If only I had known the true nightmares waiting for me.

I’m with my brother again, this time lying on a hill as the sun set. I am both the younger version of myself and another being entirely. I can feel and hear what she sees, but I can pull back and see from above as well.

It had been the most wonderful day, as he had taken me out to explore and have a picnic. As he read to me from my favorite book, I snuggled into his shoulder, wrapping my little arms around his neck.

He sighed, saying, “I think it’s time to go back vee-bee.”

I pouted, and he raised an eyebrow at me. Reaching out in a flash, he lifted me up high.

“What’s that? Oh, no! I thought I heard the tickle monster! He’s coming!”

He rolled to the ground, pinning me under him. He tickled me, and I flailed, trying to get him to get off. I was laughing so hard I almost cried. Suddenly he stopped.

“Shhh. I think he left.” He cupped a hand around his ear. “No, he’s back!”

He tickled me again. He lifted me into a piggy back ride. He listened to me chatter happily, a smile on his face. He carried me to our house, a small little bungalow on the edge of town. We entered, and he dropped me off on the couch with a slight Thump! Giggling, I pulled him onto the couch as well.

“I got some hot dogs at the store today,” he said, smirking when I gasped, “Tonight, we shall have a feast fit for kings!”

He entered the kitchen, and I played with the stuffed bear he had given me as a birthday present for turning 6. I was seven now, and proud of it. The bear was a pretty ballerina, pink tutu and bows on her ears. I had named her Stephanie. My brother came back from the kitchen, a peculiar look on his face.

“Veronica,” he said, spacey and bizarre.

“W-what?” I asked, stuttering.

His behavior was unlike him indeed, and I felt confused. He crouched in front of me, his eyes serious.

“You know how sometimes bad things happen and we have to leave the house for a while?”

I nodded. We left sometimes, went out and slept in the park. He told me we were going on an adventure.

“Is daddy being mean again?” I asked quietly.

Sometimes daddy came home and was mean to mommy.

He paused, and said, “Yeah. He isn’t in a very good mood. Look, I need to talk to him really quick. Will you go get ready? Get your blanket and pillow. Don’t forget anything. I’ll be out soon, okay?”

I was worried about him because sometimes he would talk to daddy and come back hurt. With a gentle push, I scurried to my room. I gathered all of the things I needed, making sure Stephanie was with me.