Highway Part 29

*Sorry about the big block of dialogue*

Chapter 17(continued)

“My parents died when I was about your age, in a car crash. I didn’t have anyone to really take care of me, except my aunt. We didn’t get along very well, and I moved out as soon as I turned eighteen. I wanted to have control over something, so I got into things like drugs and alcohol. I hung out with the wrong crowd, and I did some bad things. I don’t remember everything, but I remember one night. I broke into a store, just because I needed something to do. I took too long, and got caught by the police. I was charged with attempted robbery. It was the first crime I had actually gone through with, and so they went easy on me. After I spent a few weeks in a rehabilitation center, they let me go. You see, I was angry all the time. I couldn’t understand why, but I was. It consumed me, and made me do things I regretted. I got into fights with people on the streets, trying to take out my anger on someone. Eventually, I left town because so many people were mad at me. I had just turned nineteen. I was on the road for weeks, wandering, confused and angry."

I paused, taking in a breath before continuing.

"One night, I was got in a fight with a man from a town I was visiting. I had clearly underestimated him, and wasn’t doing so well. I was in trouble, for the man was older than me, and he was very angry. Right in the middle of the fight, right before I was smacked around, a stranger intervened. He called to the man, drawing away his attention. I was sure the stranger was about to get beaten to a pulp, but he talked the other man down. It wasn’t until he walked into a nearby streetlight that I saw what he really looked like. He was as tall as Julian and I, but he had bigger muscles than me. He had dark hair, longer in the back than the front. He was dark skinned, but it was more like a serious tan. He was bigger than the man who was fighting with me, and it was easier to talk him down because he was obviously stronger. After he left, the stranger asked me if I was okay. I was mad he had interrupted my fight, despite me losing, and I cursed him out. It was strange, because he just rolled his eyes and picked me up from the ground, lifting me by my shirt. He told me that I should get my wounds attended to, but I shrugged him off. At this point I was frustrated, and I looked for something to calm myself down. I liked to smoke back then, and he offered me a cigarette. He told me about the path, although a bit more forcefully than I did with you. I remember thinking he was crazy, and almost beating him up. He was stronger though, so I just listened. Thinking I had nothing better to do, I decided to follow him. The stranger eventually became my teacher. My life was a mess, and he was the one to pick it up. Julian was his best friend, and so I spent a lot of time with him. He was the only one that could keep me in line, and I respected him for that. It made me mad, but it was also a nice change. He was special, and I needed someone who was different. As for seeing him still… he isn’t with us anymore.”

Veronica was listening with intense focus, sitting in front me on her folded legs.

She said, “I’m sorry, Matt.”

I knew she was talking about my past and the fact that he was gone. It surprised me she didn’t ask how he died, but I realized she was respecting my privacy like I did with hers. It was a sweet gesture, one that showed respect for my feelings.

I looked over to where Julian was, conveniently “sleeping.” I couldn’t tell if he was, but I doubted it. Thanks Julian, I thought to myself. Still, Veronica was listening intently, and she wasn’t withdrawn.

Figuring I should tell her the whole story no matter how unpleasant, I asked, “Do you want to know how he died?”

She jumped, startled by such a question.

“Um,” she stalled for time, “only if you feel comfortable talking about it. Don’t feel any pressure.”

She bit her lip, a quirk I was associating with her nervousness. I gave her a soft smile, ruffling her hair much to her displeasure. I began to tell the story, her lying on her stomach with her arms crossed on my legs, looking up at me. Funny how she thought I would want comfort. How could she tell it was sad?  I guess I wasn’t the only one who knew who.

“It was the best time of my life since my parents died. My teacher, Johnny, had really changed me. I wasn’t as angry anymore, I stopped smoking, and I learned to finally follow through with things. He was the ultimate positive influence, gentle when needed, but also very strong and strict. He knew how to stop me when I was angry, and he could back up any threats he made. Still, he understood I needed help, and taught me more things than I can count. Then, a month before I awakened, there was a terrible night.”

As I explained, I began to flashback, remembering the events through dusty memories that hadn’t been touched in years.

I had been pissed about something. It had to do with a boy stealing my radio in town. I was infuriated, for Johnny had given it to me as a present, and now it was gone. I was generally good with my anger now, but something on this particular night made me livid. I marched into town where the little rascal was, and I beat him to a pulp.

I felt bad afterwards, even offering to take care of his wounds and made sure he got home safe. My teacher had instilled the feelings of guilt, and it was now affecting me. He took off, and I went back to camp. When I came back, my teacher knew something was wrong. When he extracted a reluctant answer to his questions, he merely sighed, admonishing me for fighting. It had been a while since my last fight, and it was uncharacteristic for me now.

We talked for a bit, and then stopped to settle for the night. What I didn’t know however, was that the boy I had beat up was in a gang of bandits. Unfortunately, he had gone back and complained to his friends about me. So right before we went to sleep, they came rolling by in a group of 6 people. They were after me, and tried to poke a fight. My teacher tried to be reasonable, and made me apologize to them as well as apologizing himself. For some reason though, they didn’t like us.

Maybe it was because we were drifters, or because I had beat up their friend. Whatever it was, it made them closed to all negotiations. They wanted me, but not alive. I had messed with some pretty violent bandits. They tried beating me up, but I incapacitated one of them. Johnny intervened, of course, because he cared about my general well being. He wasn’t generally the most violent guy, but he did what was necessary. I was street smart and so was he, and we took out 4 other guys. We didn’t kill them, we wouldn’t ever, but we knocked them out. But as I was finishing my fight with my last guy, I heard a gunshot. I turned around as fast as I could, only to see the last man go down. I wondered where the shot had come from.

My teacher suddenly dropped to the ground. He had been shot in the chest, but he was still alive. I rushed over to him, trying to assess the damage, but it was already too late. The bullet had severed an artery, and he was bleeding out fast. He was dying. I tried to drag him to town, to get help from the doctor, but he was too heavy and I wasn’t strong enough. He stopped me halfway there as I collapsed.

“Listen,” he said, barely breathing, “You’re a good boy. You act tough and are too headstrong, but you are a good person .You’ll be a fine drifter one day. Don’t go off the path. I promise you’ll have a fulfilling life. I’ve put too much effort into you for you to fail now. Don't get into fights, or at least ones you can’t handle. I can’t be here to save you anymore. I’m sorry. I should have stopped you. Either way, you’re alive. I’ve had a good life, and it’s time for me to go now. Find Julian. He’ll teach you everything else you need to know. I’m happy I got to know you, and it’s been one of the happiest experiences of my life, teaching you. Now be a good boy and get away to get some sleep. How do you expect to travel in the morning if you don’t sleep?” he ruffled my hair in a fatherly fashion, and then went limp.

“I hadn’t lost anyone so close to me since my parents died. Julian found me the next day, sleeping next to him. We dug a grave together, and buried him in the soil that he loved so much. Julian took me under his wing after that, and I awakened a month later, on my 20^th birthday.”

I finished. I looked to Veronica, only to see her crying. I didn’t mean to make her cry. I lifted her face, wiping away her tears.

“Don’t cry,” I said, concerned, “It’s okay. It was a long time ago.”

She shook her head.

“I’m sorry, Matt,” she murmured, “It’s just so sad. I’m sorry it happened to you.”

She wrapped her arms around my neck, squeezing me tight. I hugged her back, burying my face in her strawberry hair. After a moment, I pulled back.

“The lesson for you in this story is that you can’t blame yourself.” I said, referring to her perceived guilt. “It was me who attracted the bandits, but I wasn’t solely responsible for my teacher’s death. He didn’t blame me, nor did anyone else.”

I brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes.

“I had a hard time dealing with that guilt,” I continued, “For a long time. Even after I was awakened, I still felt bad. But I learned to forgive myself, and to understand it wasn’t all my fault. Julian helped me a little bit, forcing me to ‘get over myself’ as he put it. The point is that I know it’s hard not to blame yourself, but you need to. I guarantee nobody would hold it against you now. Do you understand?”

She nodded, still misty eyed. She gave me a sad smile, and I gave her one in return. She seemed so attentive and involved now, and I hoped it meant she wasn’t going to withdraw from her sudden feelings. Now that we knew about each other, it leveled the playing field.

“Come on,” I said nodding to the camp, “It’s getting late, and we both need some sleep.”

She agreed, and we headed down the hill, Veronica’s shoulder brushing against mine. Julian appeared to actually be asleep now, and so we settled in quietly. She poked Ozzie’s head out of her backpack and made him wave, attempting to make me smile. I muffled a snicker so I didn’t wake up Julian. She was already making me smile.

We watched the stars from our sleeping bags, and waited for sleep. When I looked over at Veronica, she was dreaming peacefully. Smiling to myself, I thought about how lucky I was. I had wonderful traveling companions, and my best friends sleeping at my sides.

For all I knew, the future could be terrible. I could be alone. I could feel lonely. I could even not make it. But right now, none of that mattered. Right now, I was just going to love my life.

I looked to the stars, admiring their beauty, and felt a warm feeling spread throughout my body. It was the feeling of complete and utter peace.