VILLAINS! 4 FINAL

(Scene Change to Scene 4: The Ruin. An Arena like Board setting. Lights up all enter, DARIUS' Band on one side, STRIZAD's Gang on the other. Each now have weapons After treasure it put in centre back. each side start talking amongst themselves).

 

STRIZAD: Right let's sort out classes, I'll be the Rogue, since I'm one in real life and all.

 

HILLY: I'll be the Magic User.

 

RUTTERGUT: I'll be the Warrior.

 

THALLIAH: Plague that, I'll be the Warrior. You can be the Healer.

 

RUTTERGUT: Now look here love, I'm a professional Bandit. If anyone's the Warrior it's me.

 

THALLIAH: Oh? And how many men have you killed?

 

RUTTERGUT: Well er um... none as of yet but....

 

THALLIAH: Then you're the Healer.

 

RUTTERGUT: But I don't know a thing about healing.

 

THALLIAH: Neither do I, I don't know. Just give us moral support like you did for your union.

 

DARIUS: (His Band having ceased talking, to STRIZAD) You ready to get massacred yet boy?

 

STRIZAD: (To DARIUS) Hold your horses, Cecil. (To Gang) Let's stick with the standard defensive strategy ok? No heroics.

 

(Both groups face each other in an angled line, DARIUS and STRIZAD ring bell. GAMES MASTER holding book enters)

 

GAMES MASTER: (Very serious) I: the Games Master have been summoned, is each party aware of the rules of the Forbidden Game? (Each team mumble uncertainly)

 

QUAB: Is it like chess?

 

GAMES MASTER: (Sighs) Very well. The rounds are turn based and appointed by me, thus you only act on my say so. No substance abuse will be tolerated, no automatic weapons will be accepted and attacking me will result in the entire Team's disqualification. Are you all clear now? (They mumble yes) Then let the Forbidden Game begin. Healers pick a number.

 

RUTTERGUT: Seven.

 

QUAB: Four.

 

GAMES MASTER: Ah. (Gestures to Darius Band) Team B win out with the reward of twenty plus shielding. (QUAB is patted on back, RUTTERGUT is given dirty looks by his team).Rogues pick a month.

 

DARIUS: December.

 

STRIZAD: August, no wait: July.

 

GAMES MASTER: Ok, Team A is victorious, (To Strizad) pick an item to steal from the other team. (STRIZAD goes over and takes Sharpy from SIR GNASHING). Warriors to the board (THALLIAH and SIR GNASHING step forward) Now each select a target and attack.

 

DARIUS: Go for the thief Sir Gnashing. (GNASHING does so)

 

STRIZAD: Hi Dread Knight, erm sorry about the sword.

 

SIR GNASHING: No worries old bean, I'll have it back soon enough. (Punches STRIZAD, who falls down. For a second THALLIAH aims her bow and arrow at SIR GNASHING, but then fires at QUAB, who falls on knees with a moan. Each Warrior walks back to their team).

 

GAMES MASTER: Ah, Team A with a tactical play there. Do the Healers wish to replenish the damage done in this round or support the Magic Users in the next?

 

RUTTERGUT: I'll replenish (brings STRIZAD up) Come on mate, up and at them.

 

STRIZAD: (Dizzied) What? Why did you revive me? I was fine.

 

THALLIAH: Yeah right.

 

QUAB: (To DARIUS) I think she pierced my kidney.

 

DARIUS: You'll live.

 

QUAB: (Sighs) I'll support the Magic User. (To MAGE FOOL) You better win, fool.

 

GAMES MASTER: Magic Users to the field (They do so) and engage. (Each begin trying to push each other's hands, with QUAB helping MAGE FOOL) Okay, its clear that Team A's Magic User is on a much higher level than Team B's, however given the advantage of twenty plus shielding and a Healer backing her up I think...yes. (MAGE FOOL pushes over HILLY). Victory to Team B, Team A's Magic User now at half health

 

HILLY: (Normal voice) Damn and blast! Squiggle and piggle! (Each side go back to line)

 

RUTTERGUT: Nice to see you're your old self again

 

HILLY: Shut up..

 

GAMES MASTER: Special Round now (Rolls dice) Over 3, that calls for a blind rush. Each team at the ready: go! (Both team run to the other side, quickly attacking each other when meeting in the middle. British Bulldog Style).

 

RUTTERGUT: Ow ow, Games Master their Magic User cast a blood boil curse on me. I'm calling cheating.

 

MAGE FOOL: Tattle tale.

 

GAMES MASTER: The Book recognises rush curses as a legitimate strategy. On to the next round.

 

RUTTERGUT: Oh come on, this guy has it in for me (Meaning GAMES MASTER).

 

GAMES MASTER: Ok Rogues switch sides for your dagger moves. (Both move behind enemy team). Pick Targets and attack. (DARIUS attacks HILLY from behind, she falls. RUTTERGUT yells 'No!'. STRIZAD stabs SIR GNASHING, he falls to his knees)

 

GAMES MASTER: The next round will be-

 

RUTTERGUT: I demand a resurrection!

 

GAMES MASTER: Resurrections may only be granted by the initiation of a class duel, and since it was a Rogue who killed your Magic User...

 

DARIUS: I accept the challenge.

 

STRIZAD: As do I (GAMES MASTER puts up hand and HILLY is resurrected)

 

THALLIAH: But he'll murder you, you idiot!

 

STRIZAD: (He walks into field) Nah I'll be fine. (DARIUS licks his dagger, STRIZAD gulps).

 

DARIUS: I am going to do unforgivable things to your skull..

 

(The pair fight for a bit, DARIUS gains upper hand, knocking STRIZAD's sword away. DARIUS lunges at STRIZAD for the killing blow, but the he dodges and it instead stabs GAMES MASTER).

 

DARIUS: Um, whoops.

 

GAMES MASTER: You bastard! Attacks on my person will not be tolerated. Your Team is disqualified! Go on, get out, the lot of you!

MAGE FOOL: Oh I don't believe you, Lowy.

 

THALLIAH: You mean, we win?

 

GAMES MASTER: Yeah sure whatever, I'm going to go lie down.

 

(Exit GAMES MASTER)

 

(STRIZAD's Gang cheer and group hug while DARIUS' Band mope about. Then they take treasure)

 

STRIZAD: I think I'll be having that. Better luck next time guys.

 

HILLY: Not that there will be a next time. (Makes farting noise with her tongue)

 

DARIUS: (Stutters) But I but...but...

 

QUAB: What a ruddy disappointment, I'm going back to my cow corpse (Exit)

 

SIR GNASHING: (Rubbing injured back) You know, for the first time in my life I think I've grown tired of violence. Think I might take up sewing (Exits).

 

MAGE FOOL: (Bites DARIUS's leg, the Low Lord shakes her off, she prowls away) Hire yourself out to Low Lord Darius they said, have a wail of a time they said...(Exit)

 

DARIUS: (Goes to his daughter) Thalliah, pumpkin. You can't seriously be thinking of running off with this vagabond, I mean look at him. I may be evil but he's common for goodness sake!

 

THALLIAH: Father I have only one thing to say to you (She kicks him in balls, he keels over).

 

HILLY: Yeesh, right in the seed pods.

 

RUTTERGUT: There goes any future Master Plans.

 

THALLIAH: (Kneels) Strizad is more noble than you'll ever be (Gets up. Turns to Gang) Now come on, we've spent enough time on this fantasilly escapade as it is. Lets get going to Londres.

 

STRIZAD: Wiser words were never spoken.

 

HILLY: I've decided I'm coming with you.

 

THALLIAH: Really?

 

HILLY: Yep, being killed and brought back to life really put things in perspective for me. I've never left this dismal old wood. I think its time for a change. You coming Ruttergut?

 

RUTTERGUT: You know what? I think I will. The last twenty four hours have enlightened me: there's so much more to life than banditry. Like Lute playing, and leading Labour Unions and being a Healer in a staged death match. The world is my oyster, and I'm going to eat it!

 

STRIZAD: Then we're all agreed. And you (Points sword at groaning DARIUS) I hope you've learned something from all this.

 

DARIUS: (Defiant) I have learned nothing!

 

STRIZAD: Yeah I thought you'd say that. Oh well, come on gang: let's take our leave in high style!

 

HILLY: Last one out of the wood is a bum lick! (Runs off).

 

STRIZAD: Oh plague it then. (Rest of Gang run after her shouting after her jovially).

 

DARIUS: (Sits up right with a groan) Well isn't that just fan-bloody-tastic? The good guys got a big happy ending, and I'm even more miserable than before... still: could be worse I suppose, at least I've got a nice quiet place to end it all (He gets out his dagger and puts it to his neck).

 

(QUAB, GNASHING and MAGE FOOL enter sheepishly)

 

DARIUS: Oh what now, can't you see I'm having a private moment here?

 

SIR GNASHING: Mmm sorry about that my old cheddar it's just the girls and I don't really know our way back to the Castle. A tad embarrassing considering our whole storming out on you bit.

 

QUAB: We were hoping you could help us find our way back, if it wasn't too much trouble.

 

DARIUS: You're squat out of luck then, I've lost everything, including my will to live, you'll just have to find your own way back, or get lost in the wood forever: I don't care.

 

(QUAB and SIR GNASHING look at MAGE FOOL, who is sitting sulkily. QUAB kicks her lightly and points to DARIUS. Reluctantly she goes to his side, they purposefully ignore each other for a moment).

 

MAGE FOOL: (Sulky) Didn't even bite you that hard. (Sympathising) But I guess I'm sorry I bit you. (Genuine, looks his way) Will you please lead us back to the Castle, Lowy?

 

DARIUS: (Glances her way still holding dagger to throat) Oh, and what's in it for me then hmmm?

 

MAGE FOOL: (Thinks for a second) The Sire's Champion Knight is supposed to be returning to court next week, back from the four campaigns. If you want I could teleport some dung into his helmet at the greeting ceremony.

 

DARIUS: (Smiles) Hmmm that does sound fun. (To all) But would you all still serve me after this? My plan's for Siredom have been ruined, I am not a rich man or even a father any more. A Low Lord in title only.

 

QUAB: Of course we will, you daft old git. No one else will take us on.

 

SIR GNASHING: Come come, knowing you, you'll have schemed your way back to prosperity within a week. Within a month: you'll have an entirely new Master Plan to become Sire.

 

MAGE FOOL: And when you do make a coup style grab for the crown, we'll be right beside you: blades drawn. (She nudges against him. All smile).

 

DARIUS: (Puts away dagger) All right you silver tongued devils, help me up then (They do and begin moving off stage) Ow. Being a Villain is a most toilsome hobby I can tell you, ouch.(All Exit. Lights Down. The End)