How to die dramatically 2

YES, you are on your deathbed. Somehow, your closest relatives, your closest family members are expecting you to change your will. You have given a substantial amount of money to your Asian nurse. They are all wondering why? She was the only one who was praying for you in your darkest moments, wacking you off when you needed it, and listening to your rants which no one understood. You will not go gently into that goodnight, but fight, fight, and fight. But what are you fighting? The infinite calmness of the other side which balances the dramatic eerieness of this side. Who are all these people who have a deathwish against you? You feel like King Lear. YES, you lived like a spoiled child, amassed a large fortune, and had many women and some men, but why is everyone looking at you like you dialed 911 when there was no fire?

YOUR hair is gray and you are taking out large chunks of it with your fist with spitting on it because you are dumbfounded by the absurdity and meaninglessness of life, and they are still looking at you like you dialed 911. You suddenly remember the last time you had an ejaculation and you almost died. Un Petite Morte. Death Crawling By. Sex is more dangerous than guns. Maybe even the Asian nurse has a deathwish against you.

So how many people should you have on your deathbed? Of course, there is the bored son. This one is a philosophy major at Oxford and still doesn't get Wittengstein. You might as well implant brains. He wants you to admit "existential dread?" What do you care about existential dread when your piss is coming out red? YOUR piss doth make the multitudinous seas incarnadine. YES, your dread of death. You do dread death, but you must admit, life does really suck. He wants you to donate all your money to the Autism Retirement Fund. IT's for all those parents who have their Autistic Sons adopted by other parents and are "Retired."  

YOU find youself hating iconographic art and wishing that you were an Abstract Expressionist. In your mind, you are drawing all sorts of awesome things and asking Richard Harris how many times you have to pull out your hair and spit on it as to make the hair stick together. At last. At last. Your wife. She hated you at first, then learned to love you. She became even more cruel than you and had the Asian nurse fired and sent to jail for sexual abuse of an old man. The Asian nurse was the only one you truly loved, not that you were ever capable of true love, and now, she wants you to become a Roman Catholic and hang around with the pedophile priests in order to learn humility.