the killservative sketch

and now on BBCItv4 a party political broadcast on behalf of the kiillservative party. 

fade in 
A thin man in a black suit and a white shirt and black tie, than looks a bit like a young John cleese looks patronizingly down directly into the camera. 

JC
Good evening. 
* starts to walk towards the camera that slowly moves backwards to reveal a street scene* 
I am here, with you tonight to discuss a growing problem (...) people (...) especially poor people. We of the Killservative party have had taken a lot of flack over the past few months and years. We have been called out of touch 
*smiles coldly*
distant and uncaring. 
*looks away*
We just want to tell you how untrue this is. That is why were have come here, to the peaceful community of Bridport by the sea, to discuss with some of its many residents how much the killservatives have done and are continuing to do, for this community in this age of a growing economy. 

*a man that looks a bit like Michael Palin is pushed on screen from the left, he is wearing an old V neck short sleeved jumper, he sleeves are rolled up and he looks nervous.

JC
good after noon, now you are? 

M P
I'm pewty Ivor Pewty of 15 Lannock street Bridport on sea. 

JC 
and are you married? 

MP
yes I am married and I have a lovely wife and two lovely children. We go for walks along the promenade in the evening, and my wife smiles at me as I push the pram towards the ice cream shop. 

JC 
ahh, lovely lovely and do you work? 

MP 
Not as such, but since the killservatives have been in power I have undergone ATOS treatment , my father and mother have been taken away as they are not economically viable and my children now clean chimneys. Though I have no skill set at the moment. I have been put forward for a-

JC
*while M.P is speaking JC Pulls out a pistol and shoots MP. who falls down dead.* 

JC
and Ivor Pewty is not alone. This nation is filled with people like Pewty; those who are not pulling their weight, and who are clogging up the system. This is why the new work or starve programe is such a vital part of our new economic policy. But don't take my word for it listen to these people who we have bribed:

G. C 
I am now dead, thanks to the killservative party, and being dead is not that bad, your time is your own and you can spend the day justifiably lying about in any thing you want to wear. Thank you killservative party. 

E.I 
I used to be a concert pianist and composer, now I dig holes for a living: thank you killservative party 

T.G 
I used to shout a lot NOW I don't as I am a road kicker! Thank you the Killservative party! 

T.J 
I am a stockbroker and I have just made a killing Yah thank you Killservatives . 

JC 
as you can see, the Killservatives are not all about killing things, like badgers or poor people, or even the environment, we are about making life better. So, remember vote killservative, or spiny Norman will be coming to get you. 

fade out . 
that was a party political broadcast on behalf of the killservative party and now this: 
tv explodes.