The Best of Both Worlds

She tries her best to avoid the all-girl parties where it's all too easy for her mother's boyfriend to slip out and find her. Annabelle descends the stairs when she thinks he's in the bathroom. She hopes she can get food and scurry back to her room before he finishes. Unfortunately, Timothy turns the corner where he must've been hiding with his sickly sweet smile and her mind flashes back to the last time this happened and the unwanted touches that followed. Annabelle tries to push his caresses and pleading whispers to the recesses of her mind. 

Her mother sees his eyes being diverted from her own aging body. She strides up to her daughter and finds herself sliding into the very short distance between her paramour and Annabelle. "We're running out of food. Go get cucumbers and bananas," she barks. 

"Yes, mother," Annabelle whispers.

Walking away she heard him muse,  "Weren't they recalled at the store because of the infestation at the plantation?"

"Obviously, but we don't want her here for what I'm about to do to you," she replied with a sickeningly coy smile.  "Don't come back until you find them!" she shouted over her shoulder. 

Annabelle trudges along on her way to buy cucumbers and bananas for her mother's blasted party. She watches Emma Watson's #HeForShe speech on her phone to help pass the time and to distract herself from the anxiety that bubbles from her stomach into her throat. Annabelle dots each sentence from Emma's lips with her own verbal approvals as she gets into it. Sure, she might get strange looks from people around her, but they just don't understand how revolutionary and perfect Emma is. She could definitely turn me, thinks Annabelle. She imagins how soft that hair would feel between her fingers and what her name would sound like from the lips of somebody she grew up watching on TV. Annabelle realizes she'll never find anybody half as amazing as Emma, and she feels her heart begin breaking over a perfect stranger and impossible opportunities.

As if out of thin air, a man appears humping the air around her like a small dog that hasn't been fixed yet. She casts him a disturbed look.

"You can see me?" the stranger asks, appearing rightfully aghast. Though, he doesn't appear to be at all embarrassed.

"Yes?" Annabelle responds in a voice two octaves higher than usual. She was on the verge of panic, unsuprisingly, given her past experiences with men.

"So who were you thinking about?" he asked suggestively.

"Emma Watson," Annabelle answers honestly. Apparently, it's difficult to lie, or think for that matter, when your entire existence is suddenly being questioned.

"Nice!" the strange dude replies with a bit too much enthusiasm.

"What the hell is going on? Am I going crazy?" she finally asks when it appears he has no more questions.

"No, but I'm going crazy for you" he says while giving her a once over.

Annabelle, decidedly in shock, is hardly able to mutter, "okay" between her choked sobs and laughter.

The guy that was practically molesting her just moments ago puts his arm around her. "We are the bisexuals. Only those that believe in us can see us."

"I don't understand. You aren't supposed to exist," says Annabelle more to herself than to the man in front of her.

"That's why you didn't see us."

"Then why can I see you right now?"

"Well, Emma Watson must have you thinking about he and she," he wiggles his eyebrows and nudges her, "am I right?"

Struggling to balance her own life and knowing she was completely unable to deal with this too, she asks, "How do I turn it off?" in a very serious tone. 

"What? You don't like me?" he asks in mock disappointment.

"Um," she replies with a severe scowl.

"Okay, if you really don't wanna see us anymore, you just have to stop believing. At the very least, stop being so gay for Hermione, but then you can't get with all of this," he says while touching himself to display what Annabelle will be missing.

Annabelle awkwardly looks around to avoid eye contact and becomes suddenly aware of all the other bisexuals who are easy to identify by their scandalous acts.

There are two guys and a girl in a tangle of limbs on the grass. Given their excited murmuring, it's safe to say they're having a swell time.

There's a girl smiling mischievously as she trips unsuspecting people on their way to work. Spying a boy bent over tying his light up sneakers, the strange girl pushes him over with a wicked grin! The boy blushes profusely and looks around to make sure nobody saw him lose his balance.

Perhaps more strangely is the man sitting on the steps of a bank. He looks totally normal in his business suit and scribbling in his notebook, except for the plethora of orange peels surrounding him and the manic recitation of women's names that begin with J: "Janet, Jennifer, Joely, Jordan, Joanna, Jennifer, Janice..."

Most noticeably, though, is a small Asian girl shoveling hot dogs down her throat. All thoughts of her strained relationship with men and especially her mother's boyfriend vanish at the sight.  It's amazing that she hasn't choked, thinks Annabelle. Doesn't she have a gag reflex? She watches the girl steal armfuls of hotdogs from the unsuspecting hot dog vendor. The magical, pixie-esque girl looks at Annabelle with no shame in her eyes and winks before squirting ketchup into her mouth and continuing her feast.

Annabelle, awestruck by the girl's beauty and skill, goes slack jawed and becomes paralyzed. As if in a dream, she finds herself getting closer and closer to the hot dog stand wondering how good those hotdogs would taste in her own mouth. Annabelle wants to make a good impression, but barely knows anything about this girl except she likes hot dogs, thus making successful wooing next to impossible. Just before the small girl takes the last greasy dog, Annabelle tells the vendor she'd like to purchase it. The small girl looks as though she'd like to tie Annabelle up and torture her for hours. That is, until Annabelle hands her the hot dog. The vendor looks terribly perplexed then concerned, or maybe fearful, as Annabelle holds the hot dog out in the air, but she couldn't care less. She has her eyes on a bigger prize than this man's approval.

"Hey," says hot dog girl as she locks eyes with Annabelle and brushed all the crumbs off her flowery dress. Oh my god, she's like a magical hot dog consuming, confident stranger winking fairy, thinks Annabelle. There's ketchup smeared on the girl's face and Annabelle leans in to wipe it off. The vendor looks on, aghast at her as she stares transfixed into the air and then smudges the air with her wet finger.

Noticing his horrified gaze, Annabelle suggests she and Celia go to a "more private location."

The small girl hooks her arm with Annabelle's and says, "Alright, Dollface, and my name's Celia."

"Annabelle," the new go-with-the-flow Annabelle counters.

That's when Annabelle gets a screeching call from her mother who much have called just to torture her. She demands to know what was taking so long despite the fact they both know the answer. Annabelle wonders how somebody could be so sadistic and feels her eyes start to water. 

Celia looks concerned and whispers, "problems?"

Annabelle's mother continues her tirade until finally a few f-bombs were dropped, as is the call. As much as she dislikes being on the phone with her mother, the dropped calls are starting to annoy Annabelle. Truly, her mother needs to switch from Virgin Mobile. It fit their needs back when there was nobody to talk to, but things are changing.

Annabelle, calm and colelcted, turns to Celia, "I'm on my way to the store. Join me?"

"Yeah, I just gotta tell John first." with her short dress jumping up and down behind her, she gallops over to John who turns out to be air humping dude. He waves at Annabelle, and less on edge but still feeling insecure, she nods back politely. Celia continues her strange gallop back over to Annabelle, and they begin walking down the busy streets of the city.

As they begin their journey from store to store in search of cucumbers and bananas the clouds begin to grow dark and the temperature drops. Annabelle slips off her coat and puts it around the small girl's shoulders, completely engulfing her in faux leather.

Despite having walked twenty blocks and having gone to three different stores, they could not find any cucumbers or bananas.

"They're out of season, they're being recalled, and we ran out," each worker told them.

 

Celia gets progressively more aggravated on the way to store number four before finally saying, "Hold on, I know a guy."

Not very far into the new route, Annabelle watches Celia freeze as they hear the words 'that's so gay' from the guy she and Annabelle just passed. He was looking at some picture on his friend's phone. As though these incidents were choreographed, and Annabelle wouldn't be surprised if they were, every bisexual person in the vicinity froze. Slowly, as if they couldn't believe their ears, each of them turned toward the foolish boy who dared to misuse the word 'gay'. Annabelle can’t shake the feeling that it all looks just like a horror film as they began walking toward him. Quietly at first, then getting louder with each repetition, they chant 'sorta gay'. Annabelle was too stunned to do anything. Bisexuals just walked around her as they got closer and closer to the man who was completely oblivious to his current predicament. He doesn't realize that they follow him around for the rest of the day, tripping him, hiding his wallet and phone, and convincing his girlfriend to break up with him because he spends too much time with the guys. Annabelle, of course, who didn't hear about the full scope of the situation until later that night when she brought it up to Celia, was shocked by how much effort was put into it all.

Celia takes Annabelle down a dark alleyway filled with nearly a dozen limping gerbils. At the end of the passageway, is a man selling delectable fruits from the gardens of Eden. In a dark black hoodie that nearly covers his eyes, he is a dark contradiction to the glowing fruits and veggies. He has a cardboard sign that has the names "Adam and Eve" printed in dark ink. Under that it says, "We Do Them Both." Annabelle isn't quite sure what that means, but is certain it's an inside joke. 

Annabelle leisurely examines each bit of produce despite the rush she’s actually in. Celia walks over to the vendor and as recognition dawns over him, his smile widens. Annabelle is startled by how white his smile is. He takes two steps towards Celia in an almost threatening manner given how much taller he is than her. He picks her up and spins her around boisterously yelling, "How's my favorite little bisexual?" 

Celia, who must be struggling for breath, replies in a weak but equally excited voice, "I'm damn good, Lucy! This is my friend, Annabelle. We need some cucumbers and bananas for her party."

Lucy's smile turns to a Cheshire grin as he suggestively replies, "Alright! Well, we've got the firmest produce in the city." At that, he winks at Annabelle. Suddenly catching his meaning, she becomes frantic to correct the situation. 

"No!" she yells. "They're for my mother!" Realizing that she just made it worse she continues, "She has friends over." Her eyes widen and she thinks to herself, there is no way to fix this. "Nevermind," she mutters in ruddy cheeked defeat. 

"Don't worry, Sweetheart," he replies to Annabelle with an amused grin. He picks up a paper bag and hands it to her. Annabelle, trying to process everything, is almost too lost in thought to even say, 'thank you'. Do bisexuals exist enough on this plane that they have to go green? How does this whole multiplane existence thing even work? I should really ask Celia. John really should’ve explained all these details, she muses. As she loads her bag with the bananas and cucumbers she keeps an eye on Lucy but her thoughts continue to revolve around Celia. Will she leave me when I have to go home? Will I ever see her again? Should I ask Celia to come home with me? Invite her to the party my mother is hosting? My homophobic mother wouldn’t even see her. Nobody would. Would I have to just ignore her until I could escape to privacy? Am I selfish enough to ask Celia to do that? Would she ever be willing to live that kind of life? Certainly not, but Celia might at least walk her home. Annabelle finishes filling her bag and follows Celia back onto the main sidewalk; she doesn’t even have a chance to ask any of the thousand questions rushing through her head. Celia simply begins walking, Annabelle on her heels.

 

Despite the ever growing tension due to unanswered questions, everything's going really well until they have to cross the street. Celia, who doesn't have any concern about anything, crosses the middle of the road. Before Annabelle can scream for her to wait, an 18 wheeler mows her down. Annabelle screams in terror, but the trucks don't even notice the tragedy that's just taken place. One after another, these trucks run her over. Jesus Christ, Annabelle thinks, is there a fucking 18 wheeler convention up ahead? Unable to face the horror any longer, she turns away and finally begins to cry. It's in the face of Celia's death that all thoughts of cucumbers and bananas are erased and replaced with an overwhelming love for her dead friend. Maybe, she already did. It all happened so quickly. At that moment, Annabelle feels a hand on her shoulder.

Celia asks her, "Oh my god, are you okay?"

Annabelle screams at her, "Am I okay ‽ My god, are you okay  ‽  You just got hit by several cars! I thought you were dead!" With that, Annabelle throws herself at Celia who begins petting Annabelle's hair.

"Hey, I don't exist like you do, so I can't be killed," explains Celia in what is probably supposed to be a reassuring manner. She looks so innocent in her slightly rumpled dress. Annabelle can’t resist running her fingers through Celia's hair. Annabelle's phone starts ringing and the nuisance makes her realize how much happier and even safer she could be with this near stranger. It'd be so easy to just let go, Annabelle allows herself to hope. Her decision made, the piercing shriek of her phone instantly ceases and Annabelle feels so much freer than she ever has before. It's like her skin has always itched and for the first time, it doesn't. 

 

Annabelle fades from the homophobic plane she once knew into a safer plane where all people have the right to exist. She celebrates her new life by having mad rabbit sex with Celia with breaks to eat cucumbers and bananas, of course. Things will be okay.