Toasted Cheese.

Toasted Cheese.

When a laugh and a beer’s aw that’s stuck oan yir mind.

And yie phone yir wee pal who’s the beer drinkin kind.

Then yeez batter away tae the fox and the badger.

Wie never a thocht ae daein aught wie yir tadger.

The night whiles oan, and the beer’s soon at fault;

the farts and the burps make yeez go oan the malt.

The corn and the barley soon addles yir thinkin.

At the opposite sex, yeez urr smilin and winkin.

Withoot a wee dram, yeez urr fussy and choosy.

And never wid oanny yeez gang oot wie a floozie.

The auld whisky’s a bugger furrit lowers yir morals,

It offers suggestions, wie yir standards it quarrells.

Yir open tae aw soarts ae ideas and suggestions.

Like daein the naughties withoot oanny questions.

yeez spy twa wee wuman wie questionable peerage.

The thing passin muster is the depth ae their cleavage.

Noo back in yir flat, wie these tarts and wee strumpets,

Yeez urr jumpin and prancin aboot like wee trumpets.  

Oh, A’m awffie hungry, is there nae Toasted cheese?

A could go a wee platefae ae thone if yeez please?

Aye sure, that’s nae bother, A’ll dig oot some breed.

Tae the kitchen yeez go furtae cook up the feed.

While makin the toast and the cheese fur the meal

a wee bit here and there yeez urr tempted tae steal.

Wie guid wholesome food fae this awesome repast.

Yir morals and standards come back tae yeez fast.

A taxi’s a great idea. Aye A think that wid be good.

Noo that yeez lassies huv hud drinks and some food.

Huv yie loast it aw thegither ya skinny wee woose?

Git yir ain bliddy, taxi fur this is oor ain wee hoose.