The Joy of Sainsbury's shopping

The joy of Sainsbury’s shopping.

The single basket position:

Many people please themselves this way, there is nothing unnatural or demeaning about this.  Find what works for you and  remember take your time…

 The Front loading position:

Here the one partner (in  your mind’s eye think of a beardy man.) looks dreamily to the left  towards  the beer aisle as  your partner ( a longhaired  woman (possibly from the 70’s) inserts  the fresh fruit  slowly  into  the  front of the trolley. This is tender for the man, so remember  take your time… the man might run off.

The side  position:

 This should only be practiced  by couples whom have an intimate knowledge  of the emotions relating  to the Sainsbury’s effect.  Couples can take turns in pleasing each other, by suggesting items needed for the week. Each person takes a turn in rushing back  to aisle 7 or 9 or 11  for that item forgotten, while  the other partner remains in a stationary position awaiting for the item to be slowly inserted

The weird wheel position:

This is when both parties need, to work  together for the sake of the union, the trolley always leans  one way, so straddle the trolly and gently rock it. This is pleasing for the person  who is steering and can be beneficial for both parties.

The shit we bought too much position:

This is very similar to the weird wheel position, only with two trollies instead of one, and leads  to banking issues.

The OH NO WE BROUGHT THE KIDS POSITION!!!

Do not do this. NEVER DO THIS!  EVER!

The thank god it’s all over position:

Now all you have  to do is park the  car cram it onto your shelves and moan about the cost of food these days.

(The Joy of Sainsbury’s contains intimate images  of people shopping and looking desperate. Though these images are not pornographic in nature,  they  might offend  some people. The book is available at all good stockists price  £9.99 If you enjoy this book, then consider the Joy of Tesco,  which pretends  to be cheaper but rips  you off  and the joy of Argus,  which  usually leads  to arguments  but nevertheless complete  the range of texts. )