Nadir

Most people grow up and grow wiser

Flourish, flock to one another

With their silly shiny smiles

But I metastasise, human tumour

Growing sick and warped and ugly

Draining life from all I touch.

I was born with hidden blackness

A single venomous seed

And when it finally took root

It erased the bright child I had been.

Now I’m making up for squandered years

Caught fast in tendrils black

Fantasising teen rebellion

Half a decade too late

Stumbling down the path to adulthood

With scabs on both my knees.

Why do I have to fight harder

Stretch my hand out that bit further

Jump that extra few feet higher

To snatch one fleeting gold moment

From the inky firmament?

Is there something I don’t see?

Is it just because I’m me?

Building-block life

Tumbles grand into the dust

While I shield my ears from promises

That I no longer trust.

I want to produce things of beauty

Want a clean-snow-dove-white legacy

So no-one knows I’ve seen the world end

Every day for an eternity.

Why do I believe

The most alive I’d ever feel

Is if you put a gun up to my head

And told me to kneel?