The Three Halves of Martyn Manning--Chapter Twelve: Elena - Part One

Monika
Radountcheva normally held her introduction meetings at her Bicester
office but she’d decided this one was too important. Accordingly
she booked a full morning in a ground floor meeting room in a plush
serviced office space in central Oxford. It was expensive, and she
was loath to part with the money, but the commission, and therefore
the stakes, were too high. She didn’t want to take any chances. Martyn and Monika Radountcheva sat facing each other close to the
head of an ellipsoidal table. Elena could sit at the head of the
table when her time came. On the wall a huge screen was silently
playing BBC 24 Hour News. Martyn found it annoying.

“Can’t
we turn that thing off?”

Monika
Radountcheva reached for the remote control and the screen went
blank, then she unscrewed the top of her water bottle and took a sip.
He presumed it was water. It could be neat vodka for all he knew.

“So
Martyn, Elena is here, I’ve had a talk with her and she’s waiting
in another room till we’re ready, but I thought it might be useful
for us to have a little chat before you meet her.”

“Of
course Monika, that’s exactly what I’d expect, it makes perfect
sense.”

“Well
for a start, and I know this is nothing to do with today’s meeting,
but I haven’t been able to talk to the Tyler-Morgan’s yet about
you meeting with them. I’ve called several times and left messages
but they haven’t come back to me. I’m sorry but I’ll keep
trying.”

“Yes
Monika, please do. I really would like to speak to them before making
any commitment.”

Monika
Radountcheva took another sip from her water bottle.

“So,
Elena is a lovely girl. I really like her and I think you will really
like her too. And I think she’ll really like you as well. I know
you’ve interviewed many people in your career Martyn and I’m sure
you don’t need me to tell you what to do, but it never does any
harm to remind ourselves of the basics. Just be yourself. I know this
is an almost unique situation but try not to be too direct, don’t
scare her off. Just relax and be pleasant. I’ve fully explained the
duties and what’s expected and she accepts it all so nothing will
come as a surprise to her. And remember, an interview is a two way
process. It’s an exercise where you can find out about her, but
also where she can find out about you, which is of course
particularly important given the role we are looking at. She does
need a job but in this scenario the chemistry has to work. With all
due respect she’s not going to give her body to a strange man
unless she feels comfortable, however much he’s paying her.”

“Monika,
I promise I’ll be a warm cuddly puppy dog.”

He
made soulful eyes. Monika Radountcheva smiled.

“Good.
I know you will Martyn. Now normally I would sit in throughout the
entire interview just to be there to answer any questions or help
with anything that might crop up, especially as there can sometimes
be language issues, but on this occasion I know Elena speaks
excellent English and I think you might have some delicate and
possibly intimate issues you might want to discuss. I certainly don’t
want my presence to get in the way of you having a frank and open
discussion, so I think I’ll just introduce you, sit in for the
first five or ten minutes then disappear and leave both of you to it.
Are you OK with that?”

“That
sounds fine Monika.”

“OK
then! If you’re ready I’ll bring her in.”

*****

While
Monika Radountcheva was out of the room Martyn used the time to
consider how he was feeling. He definitely felt a little nervous, but
it seemed to him a healthy nervousness born of excitement not
trepidation. If he had a concern it was that he had yet to clarify in
his own mind the criteria he was going to apply in his decision
making. It wasn’t really a problem though. Surely the whole point
of this introduction was to allow him to clarify his thoughts and
when he got home he’d put everything down on a spreadsheet to help
him decide. He looked at the door. Why were they were taking so long?
Had Elena got last minute cold feet? As he waited he began to ponder
potential deal makers and breakers. Of course she had to be a good
nanny for the kids, that went without saying. Regarding the more
esoteric aspects of the role, well, she was two decades younger than
him which was a good start. He thought back to the photos. She might
be lucky enough to be photogenic or maybe like him she was more
attractive in real life. He would certainly be looking for
intelligence and a sunny disposition. So how about the deal breakers?
She mustn’t have bad breath, that was a complete no-no. He couldn’t
handle stupidity and ignorance and he despised bullying in all it’s
forms so if she showed any sign of racism, misogyny or homophobia the
deal was off. On second thoughts she was unlikely to be a misogynist.

He
was trying to remember the antonym of misogyny when Monika
Radountcheva re-entered the room with Elena Florescu following
closely behind. His first impression was that yes, she actually was
more attractive in real life than in photographs. He saw a well
presented young lady, someone who’d made an effort. She wore a
summery sleeveless dress of a thin light material with a floral
pattern that ended just above the knee and which clung to her thighs
as she approached the table. She was wearing quite a lot of make-up
with bright red lipstick, but it had been carefully applied and
Martyn liked that, both the heavy make-up and the careful
application. Her hair was the same as it had been in the photo’s.
It suited her. He suddenly realised that he’d never had chance to
assess her bum, the two photo’s he’d seen had both naturally been
naturally taken from the front. He still couldn’t really see it
now. He’d have to try and get a chance to check later but it looked
OK so far. In fact, although a critic could indeed describe her as
slightly stocky, maybe a little heavy hipped, that would be harsh,
and everything seemed nicely in proportion. She walked towards him
smiling with the faux over-confident gait of the interviewee.

Martyn
stood up to shake hands as Monika Radountcheva introduced them. He
noticed her delicate hands. Wanking hands. Then Monika Radountcheva
and Martyn resumed their seats and Elena sat between them at the apex
of the table. Martyn and Elena continued to smile at each other as
they sat without speaking for a few seconds, assessing each other,
two boxers facing up to each other at the start of the first round,
each waiting for the other to throw the first punch. He noticed she
had no difficulty in holding his gaze. As the silence began to become
a little embarrassing Martyn felt it was up to him to break it.

“So
Elena, thank you for coming. Did you find us OK?”

“Yes,
Mr Manning, no problem. I know Oxford a little from some previous
shopping trips. But the parking is so expensive and it took me a long
time to find a space.”

“I
know. Tell me about it. A normal town council wants to encourage
visitors but I swear Oxford wants to keep them away. And please call
me Martyn.” He noted her fluent and confident speech. There was a
slight accent but that was to be expected. “OK, then Elena, why
don’t we start by you telling me about your current position. What
you like about it and what you don’t like about it. And what would
your current employers say about you?”

“I
love my current job. I love the kids and I love Richard and Rebecca.
They are very kind to me. I’m very sad they are moving abroad and
can’t take me with them. I think they are sad too.”

She
went on to describe her daily routine of getting the kids up,
washing, dressing and feeding them, getting them to school. Then she
would do some cleaning or other housework until early afternoon, then
a break for lunch. After that the time was hers until she picked the
kids up at 3.30pm and it all started again. She described how Richard
and Rebecca gave her a lot of leeway to deal with things that cropped
up as she saw best.

“I
like it best when I have to deal with something unusual or out of the
ordinary.”

“Can
you give me an example?”

Elena
paused to think. Monika Radountcheva sat cross-legged with her hands
on her knees, staring out of the window at the passing Chinese
tourists.

“It’s
a small example but a couple of weeks ago I took the kids for a bike
ride along a country path and they both rode over brambles and
punctured their tyres, both front and back on both bikes. I carried
the bikes home then we all jumped in the car to the local cycle shop
where I bought a puncture repair kit. But even with the kit I had no
real idea how to fix a puncture so I went on youtube. I made a game
of it with the kids. Half an hour later all the tyres were repaired
and we were all out cycling again. A different route of course,
avoiding brambles.” She smiled. “The repairs are still going
strong. I was proud of myself.”

“Wow!
That doesn’t sound like it’s something you’d normally expect a
nanny to do?”

“As
I said, I like variety and I’m versatile. I take a wide view of my
role and I do what needs to be done. I’m not the sort of person who
says ‘That’s not my job’ “.

Interesting,
thought Martyn.

“I’m
impressed. So go on, how do you think Richard and Rebecca describe
you? I think it’s OK to tell you they did give you a glowing
reference.”

She
hesitated then smiled.

“That’s
kind of them. But please forgive me Mr Manning...Martyn, I’m trying
to find the right words. It’s difficult and a little embarrassing
to say nice things about yourself without sounding big headed. Is
that right? ‘Big headed?’ “

“Big
headed is fine. And that’s OK Elena. Take your time. But please
don’t be embarrassed. It’s an interview. You have every right to
sell yourself and present yourself as well as you can. That’s what
we’re here for.”

“Thank
you Martyn. You’re right of course.”

She’d
had time to gather her thoughts now.

“I
hope they’d say I was hard working, responsible and loyal, good
with...no very good with the kids.” She’d prepared at length for
this question but now her mind had gone blank. “And just a good
person to have around.”

He
made a note on the pad in front of him as Elena and Monika
Radountcheva looked on.

“OK.
Good. What else?”

She
looked at him blankly and tried to think of more words that Martyn
might want to hear.

“...Kind?”

He
made another note on his pad.

“Would
they say you were honest and trustworthy? Say with money?”

“Of
course. I pride myself on my honesty.”

Well
he could easily check that when he spoke to the Tyler-Morgan’s.

“How
about nutrition? I’m anxious that my children have a healthy diet
when I’m not there. How would you approach that?”

This
was easier ground for Elena.

“I
also feel strongly about diet. Breakfast would normally be bran
flakes or porridge with some fruit, maybe a sliced banana or
blueberries. Maybe once a week I’ll give them a boiled free-range
egg with oatcakes. For lunch at school I’ll make them a sandwich,
wholemeal or seeded bread, maybe ham or tuna, sometimes cheese. I put
in two pieces of fruit, one for morning playtime and one for lunch
after their sandwich. I admit that on Fridays I throw in a packet of
crisps as a treat. I try not to be too strict, it’s nice for them
to have a treat now and again.”

Martyn
was scribbling furiously. “And supper?”

“Well
before supper they have a snack when they get home from school.
Usually it’s a couple of sugar-free biscuits with a glass of milk.
Then dinner will vary of course, but I try to give them a lot of fish
and vegetables. I’m happy giving them small amounts of potatoes,
but never chips, except for Friday night when we all have an
expedition to the village chip shop. But they’re happy to share a
portion of chips.”

“That
all sounds excellent Elena, and I agree that it’s self-defeating to
try and be too prescriptive. But do you ever get any pushback from
the kids?”

“Not
really. Not now anyway. There were some moans and groans at the start
but if you tell them the rules and stick to a routine they soon get
used to it.”

“OK,
good. And what about play or should I say entertainment? How do you
drag them away from their ipads?”

“Again
I have rules and routine. The first hour after school is for play and
exercise. Then they have to do their homework. Only when all their
homework is done do they get to go on their ipads or watch TV, though
to be honest they don’t watch much TV these days.”

“What
sort of play and exercise?”

“Well
if it’s good weather we might go outside and play on the trampoline
or climb trees or have races round the garden. Or go feed the horses
in the neighbour’s field. If it’s bad weather we might have a
quiz or play cards or a board game. And sometimes they have friends
round.”

“Climb
trees?”

“They
are only apple trees...they wouldn’t hurt themselves if they fell
and they really enjoy it.”

She
looked down at the table, wondering if she may have made a blunder.
Monika Radountcheva looked anxiously at Martyn, but he just carried
on with the interview.

“OK.
And do you set the child settings on the ipads?”

“Naturally.
But Martyn, I should say that this is what I do at the moment. If I
worked for you I would follow your rules and instructions. Of
course.”

Martyn
made another note on his pad then leaned back in his chair.

“Good!
Thank you Elena. Now, I’m sorry if this seems a little unusual, but
I’d like you to tell me a joke.”

Elena
looked at him blankly and Martyn wondered if he was being unfair. He
wasn’t even sure why he asked this at interviews. He rationalised
that it was purely to see their reaction and find out what it told
him about them, but he couldn’t remember it ever being particularly
useful in the past. He actually felt a little foolish.

“But
Martyn, I don’t know any jokes.”

“Oh
come on Elena.” He tried to sound encouraging. “All countries
have jokes. You must have jokes in Romania?”

“You
British are famous for your sense of humour. Romania not so much.”
Then, “Most of our jokes are political, about Ceaușescu,
I don’t think you would find them funny.”

“Try
me. I’m interested, really.”

She
took a deep breath.

“This
is a very famous one. Ceaușescu
is visiting a prison. He asks to see the inmate who has the longest
sentence and an old man is brought in. ‘What is your sentence and
what was your crime’ asks Ceaușescu. ‘Comrade President,I got
twenty years for telling disrespectful jokes about you.’ ‘OK’
says the Comrade President, ‘If you can tell me a joke that does
not involve me I will pardon you and give you a house and car.’
After a brief moment of thinking the man puts on a brave face and
says “Comrade President, your wife, Comrade Elena Ceaușescu is
pregnant. It does not involve you.”

It
took a few moments for the punchline to sink in but then Martyn
laughed.

“That’s
actually quite funny. I like that. Thank you. Now….”

Before
Martyn could finish Monika Radountcheva interrupted.

“Martyn,
Elena, I think it’s probably best if I leave you two alone now so
you can talk freely. I’ll be waiting outside but I’m not in any
hurry so please take your time.”

Before
Martyn or Elena had had a chance to react Monika Radountcheva had
stood up and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her,
leaving them alone.

“Are
you OK with this Elena?”

“Of
course.”

“OK,
well let’s carry on. Tell me, why are you applying for this role.
What attracts you about it?”

The
expression on Elena’s face made Martyn think she was undecided as
to how to reply. Then she spoke.

“Martyn,
I’m happy to answer your question but there is...I think in English
you say there is an elephant in the room. I think maybe we should
talk about the elephant.”

The
first sentence was spoken with confidence. On the second sentence she
appeared to falter.

“That
is a phrase we use in English, yes. Go on.”

She
looked up from the table and straight into Martyn’s eyes as she
spoke.

“Monika
Radountcheva told me that you’d want to have sex with me one night
a week and on one weekend morning. And that you’d want me to sleep
in your bed the other nights. Is that correct?”

Martyn
was left a little off balance by her directness. He thought he was
supposed to be leading this interview. But to be fair and of course
she had every right to know what she was signing up for.

“Nearly
right. No you are right, though I was rather hoping that twice a week
as you describe would be a minimum.”

He
held her gaze. He felt he ought to offer something by way of
explanation.