The Best Wedding Yet!

Louise woke up on a sunny Saturday morning by her mother, holding prosecco with strawberries in it and she thought, ‘finally, the day is here!’

Louise did the obligatory hair and makeup and with the aid of her mother got into her beautiful ivory wedding dress with lace encompassing the front and a long flowing train. ‘You look stunning darling,’ her mother teared up. ‘I just wish your father was here to see you!’ Louise fanned her face not wanting to ruin her makeup and took a big gulp out of her third glass of prosecco. ‘Whoa there tiger,’ her mother said and removed the glass from her hand, ‘we want you to be sober on this magnificent day.’

Louise on the other hand wanted to get pissed, she wanted to get so pissed that she would forget about Patrick, her ‘childhood friend’ that she had been sleeping with. Louises family were all deeply religious and didn’t believe in premarital relations, but what Louise did in her private life was just that, private.

Patrick, a stocky, balding man, had been the Louise’s best friend since secondary school. They had had a friends with benefits policy since they were sixteen. Louise, a vain young woman, couldn’t even consider acknowledging her love for Patrick just because of the way he looked.

It was Patrick who had introduced Louise to her soon to be husband, Sean, the previous year. Sean was a hunk of a man. He was a tall, dark and handsome and was big into keeping fit. Louise took one look at him and decided that she could marry him. She kept reiterating that Sean would look great in the wedding pictures, and to her that was one of the most important traits in a man, the other was that he came from money.

It was in Dublin City University where Patrick had met Sean, they were studying Analytical Science together. They were lab partners.

Louise’s mother, wearing a blue skirt and blazer, walked her down the churches red carpeted aisle and gave her away to Sean, who stood naturally attracting attention on the pulpit. Her mother then sat in the front row with Patrick who had plenty of tissues at hand.

Louise had butterflies in her stomach. She looked at Sean and the blood drained from her face. She felt faint knowing that he wasn’t the man for her, Patrick was.

The priest spoke words, words that Louise didn’t even hear as she was disassociating in panic knowing she was marrying the wrong man. She did however hear the priest say, ‘is there anyone here present who believes that these two should not get married? Speak now or forever hold your peace.’ Louise waited with bated breath for Patrick to stand up and stop the ceremony, but to her surprise he didn’t. She was bewildered.

Just as Sean was about to read out his vows, Patrick stood up and cleared his throat. The church went silent. Patrick approached the pulpit and said, ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t do this, I can’t suppress it any longer. I love you…...’ Louise closed her eyes with relief. ‘………Sean.’ Patrick finished his sentence. The congregation gasped. Louise looked at Patrick, confusion on her face. She looked at Sean who just stood there in shock.

‘Sean, I love you!’ Patrick reiterated. Sean put a hand on his chest. ‘But you love me!’ Louise shouted at Patrick. The crowd gasped once more. ‘No, I love Sean!’ Patrick said clearly. Louise started to cry, ‘but we’ve been sleeping together for years!’ Sean looked befuddled and shouted, ‘WHAT?’ Patrick hung his head in shame, ‘that was just sex!’ he muttered. Louise looked at Patrick, then Sean, and back to Patrick. She couldn’t believe her ears. She was astounded that this nerdy, short, unattractive dweeb was in love with her fiancé and not her. ‘You’re not even gay!’ she exclaimed. ‘I’m bisexual actually,’ Patrick said defensively, his eyes on Sean’s face.

Louise was hopping mad. Her mother got up from her pew and started hitting Patrick with her handbag. Sean came to his rescue and Louise’s flailing arms started to hit Sean. Louise’s cousin Michael initiated an intervention. The crowd were standing up trying to get a glimpse of the action.

‘C’mon now,’ Michael said to Louise as she fought his hold on her. ‘Just let me at him!’ Louise screamed, her hair becoming dishevelled. Louises mother, now out of breath, stopped swinging her handbag, leaving Sean and Patrick free to embrace each other. ‘I love you!’ Sean told Patrick and he initiated a kiss, a kiss that left Louise limp.

Michael, holding Louise upright in comparison to keeping her restrained smiled, ‘this is the best wedding I’ve been to in years.’