First Kiss

Way back when I was twelve years old, everyone was approaching, or had already been introduced to puberty. As per nature, there was a good amount of ‘kissing’ happening. I say ‘kissing’, because at that age, in those times, it was almost a bad word. I will always remember my first kiss:

It was the middle of June, the sun high in the deep blue sky, not a cloud in sight. The trees leaves, green and healthy, were gently swaying in the light breeze. It was the last week of school, the heat intensifying, as the students, and teachers alike, were counting the days to the summer holidays. As we were in the last year of primary school, the curriculum covered, with only a few days left of term, the teachers let us throw parties, as long as we didn’t become too rowdy, and we got permission to wear anything we wanted.

At the age of twelve, all of my fellow classmates were well versed in regard to ‘the talk’ that was given by parents, at their own discretion. I for one had gotten ‘the talk’ the two years before, as my family was full of early bloomers, my mom wanting me to be prepared for the inevitable. Even though I was highly embarrassed, I was grateful at my mother’s candour as puberty started a couple of months later, something I was prepared for due to the uncomfortable ‘talk’.

It was I who had to explain periods to my best friend, Louise, as she wondered what the green packages, I was bringing into the bathroom were during one of our many playdates, if you could call them that at our age.

It was the first day of the last week that my first kiss transpired.

On the Monday afternoon, after lunch in the playground, the boy, Conor, who I fancied approached me with a tightly folded note. Before I could read the piece of paper, that had been obviously ripped from a page in a copy book, he had returned to his clique of boys who were playing football on the freshly mown grass, giggling.

Louise had watched as Conor, a tall lanky boy with sallow skin and dark brown hair, handed me the note. ‘What does it say?’ she asked with excitement, knowing I had a thing for Conor. We moved into the shade and opened it together. It read:

Will you shift me?

Mark

Mark? She said quizzically with a furrowed brow. I was shocked too. Mark, Conor’s best friend, was, well, plain. He didn’t have any distinguishing features apart from his freckles and, in comparison to Conor, was quiet and unremarkable. I shrugged my shoulders, my disappointment visible. ‘You could do worse!’ Louise pointed out. I nodded in agreement. I knew that if I agreed to ‘shift’ Mark, I could spend more time with Conor. I looked Louise squarely in the eye and asked her to set it up.

Even though Louise was a nosy gossip, I loved her like a sister, and at the end of the day a date and time had been arranged: Tuesday at half three, in the dirt path beside the railway tracks. We walked home from school together every day and I was impressed that she had made all of the arrangements without broadcasting them to the whole school.

All day Tuesday I was pensive and distant, regarding the extracurricular activity that was scheduled for later that day. I couldn’t bring myself to make eye contact with Mark, or Conor. The bell rang at half two and my heart was in my mouth. On our way home I asked Louise, who had ‘shifted’ someone before, for some advice. ‘Right,’ she started, ‘firstly you have to have fresh breath, I’ve looked after that,’ she said, taking chewing gum from her bag. ‘Secondly,’ she continued, ‘you need to just go with the flow! You need to follow his lead.’ I knew the logistics behind it but, naturally, was nervous.

‘Where does your mom think you’ll be?’ Louise asked. My heart stopped. I had forgotten to come up with a story for my mom, who was so overprotective that she didn’t allow me to leave the group of estates surrounding our house, never mind go near the train tracks. I made a quick decision and came to the conclusion to not say anything. ‘The train tracks are just two minutes from the estate!’ I said, more to myself, convincingly.

As we reached my house first, Louise told me to just drop my bag, check in with my mom, and come find her. I nodded in agreement; we had a plan. She watched as I opened the red heavy wooden door and entered my home with her thumbs up and smiling in support. I smiled back nervously, white dots starting to form in my eyes. I had never lied to my mom before, but I saw it not to be a lie, more an omission of guilt.

After a sandwich and a check in, I asked could I go to Louise’s, explaining why there was no homework; ‘the teacher just didn’t have any for us to do.’ My mom was extremely strict, I got an interrogation as to where I was going and who’d be there. I didn’t lie, I just left out some of the story.

Finally, with permission granted, I walked down the heavily wooded footpath to Louise’s house, four doors down. Her mom worked so she didn’t need permission to go anywhere. I on the other hand felt mollycoddled. It was like I had a bracelet, just as felons had, on my leg that beeped when you went outside the designated area.

Louise had the front door open in anticipation of my arrival. I merely said her name and she jumped up from the bottom step of the stairs where she had been waiting. She emphatically looked at her watch and pointed to it as it was twenty past three. I apologised for my tardiness and explained that my mom held me up. She smiled, hugged me and gave me warm chewing gum from her pocket.

‘You ready?’ she asked to which I nodded. In truth, I was never less ready for something, but everyone was doing it, so I went along with the pre-arranged plan. We walked briskly through two estates that lay beside each other, divided by a wall with a gap in it for pedestrians. I felt my legs turn to jelly as we found ourselves at the opening to the dirt road beside the train tracks, far too quickly for my liking.

I looked up and saw both boys there. I started blushing, yet not at the sight of Mark, but Conor. They both smiled and silently, we started up the dirt path, all four of us chewing gum.

The dirt path had luteous green shrubs and small underdeveloped trees on the left, a steel railing to the right, the only thing protecting us from the tracks which were a mere six feet away. As we reached the middle of the path we stopped. ‘This looks like a good place!’ Conor said as he pointed towards a clump of particularly thick bushes, one of them prickly, overshadowed by a couple of the bigger trees we had come across, that had an extremely narrow trail in the middle leading to the back of them.

With my eyebrows lifted, I looked at Louise. She was motioning me to go up the trail with her eyes. I looked at Mark, swallowed hard and said, ‘right so.’ He had a stupid grin on his face, one that I matched and followed his lead.

We wrestled with the bushes as we pushed ourselves up the trail, which ended four feet in. We came to a stop and knew it was the right spot when both Louise and Conor were out of sight. ‘Ok!’ I said nervously as Mark took out his gum, throwing it into the bush. I followed suit and looked at him, smiling away to himself.

I shrugged my shoulders before he came at me, mouth wide open and tried to put his tongue in my mouth, which was firmly shut. After a few seconds he stopped. ‘Don’t you want to do this?’ he asked quizzically, to which I answered, ‘yea sure, you just caught me off guard,’ when really I was screaming ‘NO!!!’ Round two, I was more prepared and allowed his tongue to enter my mouth. It was the weirdest and wettest thing I had ever felt. I didn’t reciprocate whatsoever and pulled away after twenty seconds.

Mark looked at me, disgusted, and ascended down the bushy trail to Conor and Louise. ‘She a frigid!’ he broadcasted. Tears started to roll down my cheeks. The last thing I wanted to be known for was being frigid. I couldn’t help the fact that it was Conor I had come to see after all.

Louise came up the trail, a particularly prickly thorn scraped her arm, but she didn’t notice the dots of blood, she was just worried about her best friend. ‘What happened?’ she asked when she saw my tears. I, thinking the boys had gone, admitted that it was Conor I wanted to kiss and not Mark. I spilled my guts and let her know that the only reason I even agreed to kissing Mark, was that I knew I’d get to see Conor. To my surprise, Conor shouted, ‘what?’ from the main path.

An uneasiness enveloped me. ‘I thought they were gone!’ I cried to Louise before we both pushed ourselves past the prickly bush for the last time. ‘I’m so sorry! I…...’ Mark held up his hand, silencing me. He said that he was going to spread that I was frigid throughout the school, unable to meet my gaze. He was trembling with anger. Conor, who was subtly grinning pulled on his friend’s t-shirt, gesturing them to go.

After they left, a train passed and I was on the verge of jumping in front of it, if for nothing else the embarrassment of it all. Louise hugged me as I sobbed onto her shoulder. ‘I just couldn’t do it!’ I cried. She was speechless at the situation I found myself in. I wiped my eyes with the bottom of my t-shirt and fanned them with my hands.

‘C’mon!’ Louise said as she linked arms with me, and we headed home in silence. As we reached my house Louise asked if I wanted to go to hers for a bit, but I just shook my head. I once again walked through the heavy red wooden door and ran up the stairs distraught.

My mom hurried up after me, finding me laying on my bed my face in my unicorn pillow. ‘What happened?’ she asked very concerned. I told her everything not caring if there was a reprimand on the horizon. She rubbed my back and asked me what I wanted for dinner. I was shocked. She said we could order whatever I wanted, her treat. I was sure I was going to be punished, instead I got to hear about her first kiss. I was grateful to her for that.

The next few days in school were hell. My only comfort was the knowledge that after Friday I would never have to go back there again, I was going to be in secondary school. With Louise by my side, I knew I’d have a fabulous summer and that everything would blow over at the sight of the next scandal.

My mom treated me differently from then on, she gave me more freedom. She must have realised that I was growing up and that I needed to experience life my way. For both of us it was the end of an era, yet the beginning of a brand-new chapter in the book called life.