Bad Objects

Now look, Manichaeism is just plain simplistic. You know that not everything is black and white. Well let me tell you, there are a damn’ sight more than fifty shades of grey in between too. And then there’s color - or colour, if you insist. One person’s yellow is another’s mustard – and, let’s face it – eating that is a matter of taste, too.

So listen up, I gotta question for ya: what’s so bad about bad? Yeah, okay, it’s not good. But what’s so good about good anyway? If everything was good, wouldn’t it all be average?

See, the thing is, you keep saying bad, when you mean something else. The dinner at Gugliemo’s was bad because the chef’s boyfriend left and he drank all the brandy meant for the steaks diane and then he over-cooked them so they tasted like the sole of a hobo’s boot. So the food wasn’t bad, it was over-cooked, emetic, prepared by a drunk. But it wasn’t bad, it was a good piece of steak. Gugliemo’s is the best restaurant in your burg.

You keep saying you feel bad. You mean guilty, like the ex-chef at Gugliemo’s. You feel guilty because you did something people might not approve of, but you don’t feel bad. Your now-ex-only-ever girlfriend says she feels bad because she ate the steak to be polite, but she doesn’t feel bad, she feels ill.

You feel bad, because you’re so angry about everything and nobody understands you and you can’t get sex because you look bad and your hook-up lines are bad.

I’m bad. Not Michael Jackson, I’m just bad. I’m tired because of all the work I have to do for people like you.

But you’re not bad, you’re just evil, because you shot Chad and Stacy.