The Honeymoon

‘Ooohh here!’ Bobby says to his new wife Charlene in his Texan drawl, ‘we gone an booked us a nice place for a honeymoon!’

‘We sure have!’ Charlene agreed looking out at the hustle and bustle of New York life. ‘Big Daddy said we were coocoo for coconuts booking a place so near times square but these here windows block out all the sound!’

‘It says right here in this envelope that the window have triple glazing on ‘em!’

‘Oh my,’ Charlene puts her hand to the glass, ‘that is fancy!’

‘Now come here you!’ Bobby beckons Charlene to the bed. ‘I want to ravish you!’

‘Oh Bobby,’ Charlene blushes but goes to the bed none the less where they consummate their marriage multiple times before falling asleep in each other’s arms.

The next day, they wake around noon. Charlene goes over to the window to see the hustle and bustle of New York life. The only thing she can see is pandemonium. People are running in all different directions in a hurry whilst trying to keep their families together.

‘I think they’re doing one of them ‘flash mobs’’ Charlene says using her fingers as rabbit ears. Bobby, intrigued ran towards the window.

‘No,’ he deduced, ‘I don’t think it’s one of ‘em!’ as a blue tentacle sprouted from one of the sewer grates. He began to panic. ‘We need to leave Charlene!’ He stated, ‘we need to leave ASAP!’

Charlene heard the urgency in his tone and threw on some clothes. They exited the bedroom onto a deserted corridor with abandoned maids trollies dotted around. They ran to the nearest elevator which, luckily, happened to be working. They pressed ‘G’ for the ground floor and as they reached their destination, it dinged and the doors slid open.

The ground floor looked as if pandemonium had set in; there were people running around like chickens in a coop screaming. Bobby reached for Charlene’s hand, a hand that squeezed back from terror.

‘Why didn’t I listen to Big Daddy?’ she asked to no response.

‘Let’s go this way!’ Bobby pointed in the direction of what looked to be the eye of the storm. Charlene didn’t have any objections. With her man by her side she felt like she could conquer anything.

They walked against the crowd onto the street where blue tentacles were popping up from drains here there and everywhere. They called them tentacles, when really, they didn’t know what they were. They just looked like the tentacles of an octopus which they had seen in the aquarium a few weeks back.

‘There here must be hundreds of em!’ Bobby stated the obvious. They felt the ground begin to shake, the road after cracking between them. Charlene put her free hand on her chest and started praying as the crevasse that was deepening between them made it hard for her to hold on to her husband. Bobby’s piece of earth plummeted down to the sewers whilst Charlene could do nothing but watch.

‘I love you Bobby Tucker!’ Charlene shouted down to the body of her new husband.

Bobby had lost his footing in the pandemonium and lay on the ground, checking that all was good before he stood up. He felt the ground rumble above him.

‘Dear Lord, if you are there, please keep my Charlene safe…. but if I do die, please find her a husband who loves her as much as I do!’ Bobby was desperate. He wasn’t a very religious man and for him to pray proved he felt scared.

There was another rumble and thud as another piece of ground crumbled down to the sewers. Bobby had lost his footing once again and crawled off the piece of road he was laying on into the maze of tunnels. He was trying to find a way back up to where his beautiful new bride was hopefully waiting safely for him.

He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and took off his glasses, which were covered in dust, and tried to clean them. He used the end of his t-shirt but all it did was spread the dust around so he put them in the left breast pocket of the t-shirt.

As his world minus his glasses made his vision fuzzy, he squinted as he moved from tunnel to tunnel, not wanting to see what exactly he was standing on. He saw a flash of blue surge in front of him, hitting him in the gut with such force that it winded him. He eventually caught his breath and decided to try and be the hero that saved New York city.

He zigged and he zagged through the miles of tunnel, trying to get near to, but not pushed by, this monster who separated him from Charlene. Eventually he came to, what he thought to be, the epicentre of he monster. He was hit in the gut once again and fell to the ground. A big blue blob with hundreds of eyes and arms stood over him. He was petrified to the point that he defecated on himself.

The creature made no sound but as he looked at its eyes. He was reminded of the Mexican wave he had seen the crowd to in a European football match, as its eyes blinked from left to right in succession.

Bobby, the blabber mouth that he was, could think of nothing else to do but to say, ‘you my good man, blob, well whatever you are…. you’re ruinin’ my here honey moon!’

The eyes did the Mexican wave again as dust floated down from above. One of the hundred blue sticky tentacles wrapped its way around Bobby.

‘Now see here, there is no need for violence,’ he paused as the creatures limb began to tighten.

There was a loud crack from above, the piece of land directly above the monster landed on it. Bobby could see it was dazed to the point where the limb that held him hostage suddenly let go. Bobby knew that the monster wasn’t dead, so he climbed up one of the multiple sticky blue legs of it onto the piece of ground, which had a building on it, lay on its head. He found a piece of steel pipe and, he didn’t know how, but he somehow managed to lift it on his own and carry it to the face of the monster. He plunged it into each eye in turn as the monster lay there unable to move from the weight of the building sitting on top of it.

With the puncture of each eye, came a deafening scream. Bobby kept plunging the pipe, the blood that emerged from the holes reminded him of blue ink. As sweaty and tired as he was, Bobby wanted to give up and just let the monster have him…. but then he remembered back forty-eight hours and how he watched as Charlene, the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, walked down the aisle with her father. Big Daddy whispered in his ear before handing over his baby girl, ‘I’m warning you son that if he hurt my little girl in any way shape or form that I will hunt you down and cut off your testicles and make you eat them!’ He said it through gritted teeth with a smile on his face, but Bobby knew that you do not mess with Big Daddy!

That memory sparked a second wind and he continued to lift the heavy pipe and plunge it into the remaining eyes of the creature who was paralysed still screaming a high-pitched piercing scream. When he had all hundred of the monsters eyes blinded, he began to plunge the pipe into the monster itself. He happened to look at his clothes which were covered in blue. He continued to stab the monster over and over again, until, eventually, it stopped screaming and his job was done…. he had slayed the beast.

Bobby heard a cheer from above. There must have been hundreds of spectators, none of whom had come down to help he noticed, applauding and cheering him for a job well done.

Unable to move his arms from the weight of the pipe, he dropped it and fell to the floor, exhausted.

‘Bobby!’ he heard the most beautiful sound in the world come ever closer, ‘Bobby!’

It was Charlene, she was safe! Somehow, Bobby found the strength to climb on top of the beast and onto that piece of land laying on top of it. He entered the building that lay on the slab of concrete and began the grueling climb to the roof, one step at a time.

When he finally emerged from the building onto the roof, he was close enough to be hoisted back up onto the ground level and threw his arms around his beloved. He kissed her and whispered in her ear as the droves of people surrounding him applauded, ‘I promised Big Daddy that I would never let anything happen to you!’

There they stood…Bobby victorious, his bride in his tired dead arms, drinking in the applause.

picture from pixabay