When our lives begin to end

“Even if the world were to end right now, we have to stick to the rules of the game. What is human existence without structure, without agreements that strengthen our togetherness?”

The chairperson looks at us intently. Her skin has the color of an off-white envelope. The hair is greyish, thick and at medium length. Observing her, you assume that in the distant past she once has combed it. But in spite of that, the most striking thing about her, is her mouth. It looks like a fine but rusty door lock.

We sit together in the boardroom of the Agnus Dei music association. A group of six people including me, the secretary of the society. I stare at my laptop. Sometimes I make some notes. Usually, the meetings are very predictable and I don't have to write down much. But today we are not discussing the usual topics like the conductor's salary, the quality of the musical pieces, the annual program, new members, training, and outreach programs.

“In a world that increasingly revolves around the individual, the desires of the single identities, we as a traditional cooperation want to voice a counterpoint. Literally and figuratively."

If you look closely, you can see her smiling at her own pun. The other board members look dejected. There is also a lot at stake this day. Some older members and parents of the youth orchestra have noted that the rules are no longer adhered to so strictly. This includes the dress code, drinking of alcoholic beverages, the discipline to practice every day, the maintenance of instruments.

Despite these protests, the club is running like a charm. There is enough influx of new members, and we take part at several competitions. And in addition to the musical activities, things like joint barbecues are also being organized all the time. Just this afternoon one is being held outside on the parking lot. When the president is not speaking, you hear lots of laughing, the clinking of beer bottles and music coming from the wooden speakers.

“I don't think we need to discuss the fact that we have to take drastic measures,” she growls. Immediately when she finishes a sentence, her tight lips close. Simultaneously, her eyes are closing. The body language is clear to us. She doesn't expect a response.

As she lists the measures she has in mind, I feel the resistance growing within me. Of course, the chairperson has no bad intentions in mind. And it goes without saying that we need a certain structure in our music association. What bothers me is the obviousness and self-evidence by which people like our speaker manage to steer decisions in a certain direction. How do they do that? Is it their voice? Their firmness? Their take-no-prisoners mentality? So, we avoid contradicting them, we shun conflicts?

Suddenly there is screaming and shouting outside. We look at each other. What is going on? Should we intervene as a board? But the president does not seem to intend to pay attention to the noise.

“And why do good plans always fail? Because the implementers are too weak, too accommodating. They are too easily distracted. And I have made it my personal mission not to let this happen to our association. We will persevere. We will overcome the storms and ultimately achieve the results and appointed end goals.”

Closed mouth, closed eyes. Again, we look at each other like naughty schoolboys. But we do not say anything. Can we object? Does anyone have better ideas? Meanwhile, it is getting more and more restless outside. The shouting and screaming increases.

“These days it has become a dirty word. But what we need is: discipline. And fortitude. These are qualities with which we will develop to implement our future ideas and ambitious policies.”

Do we hear a fire truck in the distance? Is that the cause of the unrest in the parking lot? The chairperson walks to the TV screen on which her presentation can be read. She raises her voice to be heard above outside noise and snaps her fingers to keep the board members on their toes. And while the flames are bluntly licking the thin wooden ceiling, we listen meekly to the action plan.