The love letter

My dearest Siobhan, I am writing this for you to have when you miss me or you have doubts of any kind.

I love you baby! Your soft ruby lips, always taste good. The touch of your skin drives me wild. You never have a cross word to say, and are an excellent listener / advice giver.

The best thing I’ve ever done in my life was give you my number! I was wrapped with nerves every day beforehand, frantically checking my phone every hour to see if you had replied on POF. I was on tenterhooks after I sent you my WhatsApp. Then you sent me a message, one which made me do my happy dance! The first thing I did before texting you back, was save your number. From then on, and hopefully for eternity, I get goosebumps and butterflies every time your name pops up on my screen, followed by a ping!

I get this warmth radiate inside my body! When we facetime, and text, it’s for hours each and every day. I think our longest facetime was 9 hours? That’s how much I’m into you! I’ve never spent time with anyone the way I do with you! I find it hard to believe that you can spend five days straight with another person and not want a bit of space! I never want space from you! Hell, we even pee together!

On our first facetime, I already liked you, but when I saw you, your beauty blew me away. You are by far the most attractive human being I have ever set eyes on! I love the way you push your mouth to the left hand side, and when something is cute, your bottom lip protrudes. I was into you before I saw what you looked like, and my heart melted the first time you looked at me! It was a real bonus!

I’m not going to lie…before our first date I was a basket of nerves! When I saw the white car, my heart began to pound, and my mouth became as dry as the Sahara. I had butterflies, goosebumps and fireworks tingle throughout my whole body all at once. I asked myself about Schrodinger’s cat. That’s when there is a cat in a box with a vial of poison. Long story short, the cat is both seen to be both alive and dead at the same time. No one knows whether the vial broke or not! I was wondering if we’d have chemistry, but when I saw you get out of the car, to help me get in, and we had that hug, I was like, ‘ok, so the cats alive!’

Our immediate chemistry was apparent. When we got to, what forever will be called, ‘our spot’, the place beyond the harbour facing towards the sea and the two islands. The way you caressed my hand and fingers, made me feel something I had never felt before. That very first kiss in the car, the one you had to work yourself up to, was amazing. That was my first time properly kissing a woman, and I am so glad it was with you!

I have had a lot of firsts over these past seven months. First time I had sex with a woman, first time I kissed a woman properly, first time I told someone I loved them, first time I felt desired, loved, wanted, and cared for and wanted to reciprocate those actions! You are the catalyst in all those firsts form me baby, and for that I thank you wholeheartedly!

I know I was the first one to say, ‘I love you’, and I didn’t expect to feel that after a couple of months! I told you because it was a thing that was playing on my mind and I had to get it out! Yes, it was the first of many, and hopefully there’s more to come, but I am a woman who is true to her word. I don’t say things for the sake of saying them. I have received too many lies from my dad throughout the years, and his actions taught me that that wouldn’t be the way to go in a relationship! The day you said it back, was an amazing day for us as a couple. We both got our feelings out, and I knew both of us really mean those three little words, ‘I love you’, each and every time we say them!

My love for you was apparent the first time you slept over! I met you in the driveway with open arms and an exposed heart. I never thought in a million years that I could ever love another human being the way I love you! Even now, seven months in, my love grows each and every day, and each day I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not hallucinating.

I wake up every morning with your face, your smile, your new dimple, on my mind. Before I even put on my glasses, I text you to see how you’re doing. I care so much for you baby! Its very hard to explain. Your soft touch still is accompanied with goosebumps, butterflies and fireworks. You mean so much to me that I would happily give my life for you! (I know that sounds extreme, but I would!) That’s how much I love you. As buzz lightyear would say, ‘to infinity, and beyond!’ I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow!

I see such a bright future for us! I see white outfits, with relatives (the ones we like the most), sitting, wiping their eyes, their make-up running down their cheeks, as we say our vows. I already know I’m going to recite a poem, the same poem I read to you the day we exchanged promise rings on Paddy’s Day in ‘our spot’: it’s the one called ‘I carry your heart with me(I carry it in’ by E.E. Cummings.

Wow! I’m getting teary eyed just reading it. I see myself reading it to you in front of everyone we want at our wedding, the both of us in floods of tears, as we are two soppy bastards…I love that! I can’t imagine what yours would be, but I’d rather that. Obviously, I’ll say much more on the day, but that’s what I have planned so far! I can also see our two little miniature dachshunds toddling down the aisle, with little tuxedoes on them, their ears flapping here and there as they run to their two mummy’s. With their tiny legs, were going to have to have a small venue so as not to exhaust them! On the back of their tuxes will be a box, one for each of us, containing a simple black band. I’m not a diamond type of girl, and I know you aren’t either, so a black band seems perfect!

Our dogs, our babies, will be so well behaved, that they are each going to pick a mummy and lay down beside her until the ceremony ends. I love the idea of walking out of the venue, hand in hand, leads in the other hands, being met with our closest friends and family, who either throw flower petals at us, or us walking under their arched arms. It will be a day of joy, yet great sadness for the people who won’t make it.

As our two families will have merged, and mingled with each other at the reception, whilst the dreaded photographer works their magic on us. Yes, you don’t like getting your picture taken, but when you see the ones I do take every now and again, you do approve of a couple out of the dozen I take!

Baby, I know were living our relationship now, and me thinking about the future in so much detail might freak you out, but I cant help it! Whilst I see great things for our future, like me making sure to brush your false teeth, and you adjusting my wig so it’s on straight, I undoubtably see great things in us now! We pick each other up when the other one is feeling down, we listen to each other when we  need to rant, we know when there is something on our minds by our body language, we laugh together, we cry together, we take an interest in the others hobbies and TV shows…the list is endless.

I love the way we have our Saturday meeting every week. Being in a long distance relationship, and only getting to see each other two weekends a month at most, could be disastrous. However, we pride ourselves on our communication, and the chance to unload on a Saturday if something the other did was wrong or right, is priceless!

I want you to know that you are not only my girlfriend, but my best friend too. You are my everything! My reason for getting up every morning! My diamond in the rough! My all! I strongly believe your two moms and my poor Max were in cahoots upstairs, knowing both of us were about to give up on love. They put us on POF that day we matched, in the hope we would become soulmates! I’m glad it worked!!

Love you with all my heart and soul!

Niamh xx