Journal

The space between each entry has grown over time. To begin with I would religiously sit myself in front of the computer and start to type. Words would form sentences and then out of the randomness something would emerge. The process was a cathartic one and afterwards I would feel like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and left on the page. The boots caked in mud had been cleaned and the mud had been used to write the words upon which my thoughts had been expressed. But if we let the little pointless intricacies of life take hold of our actions we find they drag us down into the depths of procrastination. It it not always easy to face your fears or slog it out with difficult thoughts and emotions and it is usually much easier to put them back into the box, lock the door and instead turn on the TV. Hours can be spent sat in front of that little box with it's alluring colours, sounds and beautiful people. Advert after advert catch your attention; you're hypnotised by it's seductive beat. They are masters of enticement and have honed their skills over decades of practice. With each failed attempt they have sharpened they blade and now it cuts through your individual consciousness and penetrates deep into the collective pack. Like drones of sheep, we follow the others to the watering hole and drink from the same well, a well that never quenches your thirst but leaves you gasping for life. I do try to pull myself away from the urge of the sofa with its comfortable embrace and non judgemental support, but I fight it off and close the door in my room and read or paint or write. Once I have started upon one of the three I immediately feel myself connect to a pleasant part of my soul. I am not fighting envy or destructive thoughts but instead feel a peace envelop my whole being. Why, then, is it so hard to bring ourselves to this place? Why are we always falling for the well trodden path that leads in circles?

I believe it is because to be creative is to face certain aspects of your own being. The process is an inward one and we delve too deep we will undoubtedly find ourselves facing something that has never been seen before. It's very much like a deep sea diver that goes to depths never before seen by the conscious mind and there he awakens creatures that look completely alien to anything he has seen before. Their faces are pulled in strange directions, their eyes hang far from their face on saggy antenna and their heart can been seen through their porous skin. He would immediately turn to swim to the surface through fear of the unknown but he shouldn't. He should realise that the creatures have been there the whole time whether he thought about them or not. They are only strange because he is used classifying a fish etc in certain terms and the creatures upon which he now see's do not fit his very specific category and so he becomes fearful. The net upon which he usually throws over things in order to understand them does not fit over his new surrounding but it is not the new environment which is wrong and needs to change, it is instead his own perception which needs to develop. 
So as we swim down to the hidden parts of our own mind we may stumble upon things that make us want to swim back to the surface and back to the safety of the TV. But hold your nerve and open your mind further. At first we may not understand what we are looking at but through observation comes understanding. Do not discard what you find even if it tells you to break the norm but listen to what it has to say. It knows more than you do.

'I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.'