Last workday before vacation
By abctadin
- 656 reads
He walked by the wall in the ground. The catastrophe was so big that walls can't even stand by
them self. Hell, even if it actually was standing, there wouldn't be
anything to support that wall. He ignored the wall. Curtis. Curtis K.
Jordan. ”What kind of name is this any way?” he asks himself. ”In
Swedish it almost sounds like ”kortis”, which actually mean
”shorty”. My dad was half Swedish after all, but he wasn't as
tall as a stereotypical swede.” Curtis placed his hands above his
head to check how short he was. ”What, no way...” It appears that
he has gotten shorter. ”There is no way I'm shorter now”. He
didn't want to continue on thinking about being short, so he
continued to walk ”I'm not that short...”. He didn't want to
continue to think about it, but he's only human.
He reached his goal. His work office. The strangest part is that his workplace appeared
undamaged. ”God, if you really do exist”, he putted his hands
together and closed his eyes ”then destroy this place as well.
There is no way you can be as cruel to let my old office building be
untouched”. He opened one eye to take a sneak peak if lightning
would hit that building and make it explode in that way it did in the
70's movies. With really bad computer graphics. ”Damn it God, you
really are cruel”. He walked towards his old office building, opens
the door and walks in. There he saw his old office computer. He was
afraid to actually turn it on because he would then perhaps see
glimpses on his past that he thought was gone. Indeed it was all
gone. He had no reason to live really. He was not able really find
any woman to spread his genes to the next generation. Even if he
actually did find a woman and had incredible sex with her, which he
thought he would actually be good at as well, their baby would not
survive the harsh environment. Perhaps if he prayed enough, then
perhaps fishes and bread would fall down from the sky. He sure was
hungry. Transported by wings flapping on their backs. Although he did
not want to only eat fish and bread for the rest of his life. His
life wouldn't be that long anyhow, so dying with a stomach full
wouldn't be that bad. Curtis continued to dream on, forgot about the
rusty environment filled with sand and dust. ”Maybe those wings
could be chicken wings. I'd do anything for chicken wings.” He
looked out of the window and saw his boss's car. He dropped all
thoughts about wings, chicken and bread. He ran out to the other side
of the building. Curtis had a lot of hallucinations lately, but this
was not one of them. That really was his boss's car. A 2008 BMW 650.
He sat himself in it pretending he was the boss. ”Curtis. You are
the best employee ever. Why can't others be as good as you are? Even
I'm Jealous! Here, inherit this BMW.” he replied to himself with a
darker voice ”Well thank you. I don't deserve this really!” he
coughed changing the pitch to his normal one ”Well thank you. I
don't deserve this...well to be honest. I do! I do deserve this
because I am after all the best!” he adjusted the back mirror to
discover his boss's dead corpse in the back. It appeared that the
back mirror broke and was no longer attached.”Hey Boss. Have you
always been this bony? So skinny! Put on some pounds I say” he
laughs. ”Yeah. I've been on a diet lately.” Charles replied.
”Boss, tell me one thing will you?”
”Ask ahead. I can answer
anything except for the meaning of life.”
”How does it feel liketo die?”
”It's not that bad. It's a pain in the ass at first, but later it's alright. It's like
sleeping”. Curtis responded with silence.
”Hey! Over here!” says the scavenger. His friend walked towards the BMW. ”I can't
find anything in this car.”
”What do you expect from two skeleton-looking corpses? They've probably already eaten all the
food that they had left.”
”I really don't think that the guy in front really had any food to eat before he died. Also
I think he died recently. Just look how skinny he is...while the
other looks almost mummified”
”Where would he find food anyway? There's no buildings anywhere in sight what so
ever...Whatever I don't care. Let's go.”
They left the car to explore new worlds. A broken world. A world without any hope. If they
looked closer inside the car, they would have see that the back
mirror never got detached. At least one thing wasn't broken.
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Please give me feedback. Construtive ciritism on mistakes and tell me how I could have done things better! Thanks!!
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Comments
Tadin. Like with your other
Tadin. Like with your other story I'm reminded very much of surrealism, yet I'm not sure I understand the intention of this story like I did with the other one. Stories usually follow a pattern called the monomyth, the details of which can be found here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monomyth, in which the protagonist goes through a satisfying journey, however, this story seems to be a single fragment of a funny man's experiences in a post-apocalyptic situation. If that was your intention, great, but I think you should strive for the monomyth structure in future stories. What would help me critique this is if you told me your influences and intentions when writing this; who inspired you, what did you set out to accomplish, what's the secret meaning behind the story? Also, is English your first language, because there are several odd errors which I've found in your writing. Finally, if you're lookin for people to critique you on a regular basis, it's best to go to www.scriblophile.com. They're a bit more serious than ABCTales. You'll have to critique other people's work before you submit your own, but it's worth it.
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