Ass Funnel

I am drunk.

I am very drunk.

After a fumbling tussle with my keys,
I stagger through the doorway and into my hall,
Collapsing onto the couch, I reach for the remote,
With a click and a fizz, the TV leaps into life.

I raise a weary eyebrow at the scenes playing before me,
As a naked man bends over,
And all hell breaks loose.

I can't believe what happens next,
And it takes my inebriated brain a few seconds to register,
Yes, she really did,
She stuck a funnel up his ass,
And then poured acid into it.

She takes a piece of glass and slashes at his head,
Before reaching in and removing his brain,
Which she casually tosses into a frying pan,
Where the small and pathetic organ resembles a new-born gerbil.

My stomach calls to me enticingly,
"Nice 'N Spicy Nik Naks" it whispers,
As I head for the kitchen.

I bounce off the refrigerator and get distracted,
By my supplies of Belgian beer,
They are for use in emergencies only,
But I think this qualifies.