Am I or Am I not&;#063;

All these things jumbling up inside&;#8230;
Is there something that I should be feeling?
Is there a way that I should be acting?
What could it be this clever ruse
that makes me think
it could happen for me?
What kind of signs should I be looking for?
What type of things should I know to be real?
How much of this is my imagination?
Do I want it so much that I made it be there?
Will it be washed away like every other month's hopes
with a tide of red tears
riding out on a maxi pad float?
Is it for real this time?
Should I even bother to hope?
I think that I can handle the truth
with or without the blue line.
As soon I'm done peeing in the cup,
I'll let you know what I find.
Until then, I'll assume that it's just a freak thing-
a couple days late, no big deal.
It's just too bad, you know&;#8230;
That it couldn't be real.