Ugly Side of Town

"Wednesday nights at St. Agatha's"

I'm remembering&;#8230; my mind travels the tracks laid out on the
arms
of the people society forgot. The ones nobody told to "Just Say
No!"
People you think are lunatics as they lie on the ground
convulsing
shouting paranoid delusions and obscenities. Sure, call them
CRAZY
'cuz you don't know that they just double dosed on heroin and
cocaine-
'cuz you don't know the red-nosed whore on the corner spends more each
day
than an upstanding wall street broker&;#8230;or Vegas tourist-just
to feed her craving.
She wishes she could live on 25 G's a year, but that's not gonna cut
it&;#8230;
the junk that she could get her hands on was always cut with something
else-no one can afford the pure shit
not since the 39-year-old man in his pimped-out Lincoln
first shoved a needle up your 15-year-old veins, has it ever been
PURE
Pure bullshit! The forty-year-old "bag ladies" that have managed to
survive
will back me up on this one. It's just one big line of shit after
another&;#8230;
One toothpick-thin line after another after another and another
and
when you finally score, you can't even enjoy it anymore-
You're thinking: "Where am I gonna get the money for the next
one?"
You're too busy lining up the next fix-making sure you've got it so you
don't get sick No one told you it was gonna make you sick
They just told you that's it always a hot party on the girl&;#8230;.
It's always a cool
time on the boy&;#8230;. They forgot to tell you that
sometimes-
It's none of these&;#8230; it's just plain lukewarm vomit all over
you as you wake up in some stairwell wondering how the fuck you got
there. They neglected
to tell you that Just injected you with lies-shot you up with
promises
and left you jonesing for more
Inside your head you're pleading for self-mercy
that never comes no warm hug that reaffirms you as a person
you cry out to the night sky that doesn't listen, screaming:
"I didn't sign up for this! I was born to a loving middle-class
suburban family,
I was just going through a rebellion period&;#8230; I was chasing
the good life
And now, all I chase is the dragon. I thought I was gonna be FREE
HIGH
to live the life Now all I can get that resembles FREE
is a bowl of beef barley on Wednesday nights at St. Agatha's.
How was I to know, that it only takes one fucking hit to decide the
course
of the rest of my pathetic life?" How do you go from vulnerable
teenager
to a middle-aged
hag in just 10 hard years? I follow time's tracks and look at the
wasted
years that age a person more than 20 years of high noon with no
sun-screen.
When did we get to go the roller rink? When did we get to make out in
the backseat of our step-dad's Duster? There was no sneaking into an
R-rated
movie when we were only 13&;#8230; The tracks did not stop at these
stations.
They continued on along the railroad of poisoned blood routes
stopping only at weigh-stations of withdrawal or ports of
methadone&;#8230;.
but they never stayed long. Recovery not on the itinerary-it's just
ready, set,
GO! WAIT&;#8230;.. I'm not ready I'm not
gonna do this for very long-it's just a temporary thing. If you could
just loan
me a couple of dollars&;#8230; I could go get a burger or something.
I'm so hungry
I haven't eaten in so long. Can you get me clean? Can you go into
social services and make them take me in? Do you have the voice to tell
them that I'm somebody special&;#8230;used to be somebody's
daughter&;#8230; somebody's mommy-
I can't wait on your list! I'm gonna DIE if you don't take me.
Your red tape is stained with my blood blood shed in the war for
sanity,
and there is no valor in this battle, it is all-out self
confrontation.
Raping the twisted roots of addiction, invalidating their seduction of
my mind.
And the spoils of combat? &;#8230; the simple things that sober
could bring, the peace
that ensues when I successfully conquer my monkey and reclaim the
lost
territory of my life. Anything for moment of clarity&;#8230;
Could you pull a few strings? Scratch a few backs? NO?
That's what I thought. Gonna rot away here on Skid Row
Express&;#8230;
on a one-way ticket.
Who can stop the train? Can anyone stop
the train?