Whiskey Sadness

Someone once told me that my eyes were a mirror to the inside of my heart an ice cold blue and that was the day my heart was broken. My dad is dead and my mom travels a lot so I end up missing a lot of school and the private school I went to said I would have to attend a public school from now on because I had missed too much school and the only school that is in the area that will take me is a Crutchfield school you see our two family’s have been feuding for over two hundred years it all began when my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, Aunt Lilearia same name as me was betrayed by her lover Liam who killed her so he could marry another girl named Amelia Montegomery. Our family has hated them ever since and has gotten revenge but they say it was a justified kill because she was crazy but what Liam didn’t count on was Grant, Lilearia’s brother to want revenge on him for her death and he killed Liam starting a war between two family’s with a girl in the middle no one really knows what happened to Amelia but whatever happened she probably got what she deserved because from what they found in journals and stuff they said she was some kind of witch or something. Our family in itself is not normal there is a gift that I guess only picks certain people with certain genes or something I don’t know all the details. You see my family doesn’t really like me because I didn’t exactly hate the Crutchfield’s when I was younger and I showed no signs of having the gift that my father and some of the others had I hid my gift my father never even knew that I had it of course the family knows now and my father knew before he died so long ago about five years back when I was twelve I used to ask and still do ask if you can hate someone just for breathing. I am a very heartless person I became that way two years ago not that I wasn’t cold as or cruel as a child it was the way I was raised.
You see I am a scribbler of somewhat broken dreams of sorts if I do say s myself I am a writer and a painter in one creativity is key. I am suppose to start at this Crutchfield school tomorrow you see this town is not all that large and I have lived here the majority of my life the buildings are large in architecture though it is a Victorian or twentieth century gothic town in sorts of the way the buildings were created not many people are what are considered remotely dark though for the scenery of the place that is. I myself am not gothic but I am something of the sort I just don’t label myself.
I woke up this morning at six thirty threw on a black tank and a dark green mid hoody that was a v-neck and a pair of baggy black cargo pants I pulled my long loosely cured brownish blonde hair into a ponytail and headed to school. My mom forged my name so that I wouldn’t have anything to worry about because I guess the Crutchfield’s have a secret like ours too or something like why are there so many of them that is what I want to know it is like none of them ever die. We supposedly talked about it at one of our famous family get-togethers not that I ever listened because I had to cover my every step and watch my back every minute to make sure no one was going to stab me or poiso me I mean my family literally hates me.
I got to the campus it was larger than my last one it had a courtyard it was a beautiful campus I wanted to get out my sketch pad but I couldn’t skip and risk them calling my mom because that could ruin everything for me. The family doesn’t know about me going to a Crutchfield school because if my father the head of the family would rather me die than go to a Crutchfield school I think they would actually kill me, which is really creepy. I slipped into the class unnoticed at first then slowly people stopped talking looking my way I handed the teacher my schedule she pointed me to a chair in the back as I walked down a row this really pretty preppy girl waved at me I just kept walking I think I pissed her off I know I’ll pay for it later but oh well. I don’t want to be at this school what could happen to me if they found out who I was what if their gift was better than ours and they all jumped me at once I would be really screwed. Well this all seems to be the same as the school I used to go to same clicks at my last school I stayed away from clicks I had maybe twenty friends which is amazing for me with how anti social I am I stay away from people as much as possible, but that doesn’t always work for me you know the whole staying away from people especially when they come to you.
Well my morning classes went well my schedule was nothing out of the ordinary.
Schedule:
History AP
English AP
Algebra II remedial class
Science AP
Lunch
Writing
Painting
That is my schedule I think it is kinda lame the fact that I am a senior and I am in a remedial math class well if I was good at math I wouldn’t be in the remedial class either. At lunch I didn’t really want to go into the cafeteria so I found a tree with tables around it and what looked like the foundations of an old library so I sat down out there with a coke and a sketch pad I decided to sketch some of the schools landscape I guess I was too lost in my own thoughts to notice the most beautiful guy I had ever seen in my life watching me from beneath the tree I sketched him wit the tree I didn’t even think about it till I was half way done he semi laughed at me when I looked up I blushed what else is a girl to do and please don’t say cry or do if your like me and do it to piss people off because they told you not to.
I think he was sleeping there or sketching himself because he had a sketch pad in front of him too then I heard some noises.
“Hey Aaron come on lets go we’re gonna be late” I guessed one of his friends called then I saw that girl again the preppy one she snared at me I looked back down and began to sketch I looked up one more time he smiled and then left I finished my sketch and went to my next class Writing my favorite classes are writing and Art that is one of the only reasons school is worth surviving. I didn’t see that guy again for the rest of the day until I was on my way out of school walking to my car I saw him with his friends or perhaps siblings not too sure he looked up like he knew I was there I looked down he smirked I quickly walked to my car which I think of as my hot car it is a black Volvo I like it it’s very nice for me and then I saw his and I was indeed a little envious not much because I love my car way too much for my own good. He had a sleek black Mustang convertible GT 2007 series now that is a hot car. I got into my car adjusted my mirror and my stereo which was playing Hey Juliet by LMNT I love them one of my favorite bands ever I blasted it as I pulled out of the parking lot. I headed the long way to my house which to my happiness our property over looked the ocean we live on the coast.
Once I got to the house it was empty so I just went upto my room went up and did what little homework I had to do tonight. I read through my journal to the part where I wrote this poem

They say you need to be friends
You say to hell with trends
I say you are all wrong
They say we need clicks
You say you are your own clicks
I say your both wrong
I say nothing is as it seems
Everyone has a hidden past
But lies never last

That last line got me the part where I wrote lies never last which is true someone always sees the truth through your lies.

They say I trusted you
You say they still should
I say that it was their first mistake
I don’t trust people I always see something in there eyes I don’t know what it is it is like I can see everything that they can do to me which is a fear everyone has but mine is more real to me than to other people I think even though I don’t know what other people are thinking but then again who does. I just sat there looking through things and then I looked at my sketch from this morning I started to remember every detail that I could so I could finish it.
I got up the next morning a little excited to go to school today I wore a dark red v-neck long shirt with a light brown tank under since the v practically went to the middle of my stomach. I put my hair up in a clip and I had on a pair of tight low rise jeans I put a silver chain with charms on it on the jeans. The charms were each a fallen rose petal black. And at the top was a stem tat had only one petal left. I slipped my books into my black bag with the red rose on the front. Then ran outside to my car.
I daydreamed through my classes thinking about how to finish that drawing from yesterday when the lunch bell rang I got my coke and went outside again and I was there first again today and I didn’t notice him get there again and he laughed at me again as I sketched he was in the same position as yesterday almost so I was able to complete the drawing and it was a very good likeness even for me I might turn it in for an art project of course that would mean I would have to actually work up the courage to talk to him which wasn’t gonna happen anytime soon so for now I would just draw him and the peaceful surroundings this isn’t considered stalking is it. No. I am in a public place sketching what I see it just happens that he happens to be what I am seeing his friends came again.
“Hey Aaron you ready to go” one of his friends asked
He looked over here and then
“Yeah lets go” he said I looked back down at my paper not looking up until after he had left his eyes were the most gorgeous green I had ever seen.
“So who is the girl in your little peace of heaven no one else dares to disturb” the boy asked thinking I couldn’t hear him

I could hear his answer to the question so it sucked man I wanted to know what his answer was I wonder if he is a Crutchfield if he is he is fine and that is all I have to say. The next couple classes I regained my normal senses the ones that were cold and unmoved as someone put it. I think I might eat in the Cafeteria next week maybe I will have to eventually or someone will disturb my peaceful suburbia. Well I have to write something for our classes open mike in about six weeks which means it had to actually be good damn that sucks. Well oh well I will get over it.
I went home as usual no one home so I just went to my room to chill with my notebook and todays sketch.
Things went on the same way for three weeks or so until, I decided to sit in the lunch room one day at lunch and it turns out so did Aaron that was why he was always late I sat with the only person that talked to me I just listened to her I never pened my mouth and that was how it worked in all my classes and around school I have been branded the quiet girl so every now and then I get picked on by some of the other students. Today I knew that the preppy girl would come back to haunt me but not like this I mean not in front of the whole school.
“Hey look it’s the weird new quiet girl she finally decided to grace us with her presence” she said
“Good one Vanessa” one of the girls said
“Yeah its like she is too good to talk to any of us who haven’t come from a private charter school”
“Good day Vanessa by the way it wasn’t a charter school it was a school of the arts” I said as I threw away my coke and walked out the door
I hurried to my next class people didn’t notice me as usual and that makes me so happy I saw him in the halls he didn’t notice me as usual which was okay with me to because people like me don’t deserve happiness I just bring people bad luck I just bring myself bad luck that is not too mention no one cares that no one is ever at my house besides me more than once a month.
I went through my art class and began a new painting at first it was just a fading rose then I created two and then I writ things like pain, why, nothing seems to be okay, and at the bottom it said we all have these feelings then on the second rose that adjoined to the first one which was black the second one was white and on it I wrote hope, peace things along those lines and that saying above went all the way across both sides at the bottom my teacher really liked it the background was like old parchment color and it looked frayed and decayed but still somehow new. I stood just staring at it she asked me if when I was done with it if she could hang it for parent teacher conferences next week I gave my consent since my parent wasn’t gonna be there she won’t be back in town till next Sunday so whatever.
I went home the usual routine but today something was off there was a truck parked outside my house I recognized it too. My mom was home early amazing.
“I walked inside and I smelt alcohol the second I stepped into the door I don’t know why but I have always hated the smell and the taste. I guess because I have seen what it can do to people.
“Hi mom” I said when I walked in
“Hi don’t worry I’ll be gone by morning and I left money for you, you little tramp” she said
She is having another one of her fits when she has had too much to drink she’ll call for a car here in ten minutes and she’ll be gone and god knows when she will return I rarely use more than ten dollars of her money I don’t eat a whole lot every time I use her money for food I feel sick to my stomach when I eat it. I went my way to the rock on our property that over looked the sea to work on that song for the open mike coming up on my writing class I don’t know why ut I still can’t get that guy Aaron out of my head.
The next day I went to my usual spot but Aaron was already there and he was setting at my table. I sat next to him.
“I have been meaning to ask you what is your name since you know mine I know you heard it from when my friends call you have watched me trying to sketch me huh?”
“Uh yea my name is Lily” I said
“Oh I figured it was longer?”
“Well it is Lilearia” I said he looked at me strangely I wonder if he is a Crutchfield now because he didn’t react to my name.
“oh that is a long name but it is very pretty like you” he said getting up to meet his friends I flushed he smirked I looked back down to the drawing. He was gone quickly I was stunned he talked to me I wonder if he meant what he said about me being pretty I sat there and pondered the question and then I headed to class.
Today in my sixth period class we were going to meet our grades president and yea stuff like that I didn’t listen much I sat there writing that is what this class is for. Preppy girl looked at me and giggled like I had done something funny.
“Miss?” asked the teacher
“Montegomery” I lied because well that is what the role says but I feel like I am betraying who I am by lying. Maybe I am but isn’t for a good cause or a somewhat good cause preserving my high school life not that there is much to preserve or that I really care it is just I don’t want any trouble it could look bad on my college applications.
“Shouldn’t you pay attention” she asked
“I came to this class to write thus the term writing class and why should I really care who our grade president is all he is going to do to better our student body is what everyone tells him to instead of what he wants or thinks is right.” I said
“Good point I like her I want her as vice president” he said I knew his voice it was who I was praying it would not be Aaron.
“Sorry I don’t do school functions” I said
“I already asked the counselor she thought it would be an excellent idea and look good on your applications so see you really have no choice” he said
“Well looks like you two should be getting very well acquainted then” the teacher said
I writ down a poem again really fast this time

You think you have me figure out
Then you have no idea what your talking about
Everything you may have planned
I’m no ones piece of land
I don’t follow the crowd
I can be quiet I can be loud
Everything is so messed up
You may think I only bluff
When I say I’ll take you down
I’ll make you drown
I am water
You may try to catch and keep
You will soon realize I am way too deep

Everyone was looking at me for a second and then I looked back at my stuff gathered the little there was and followed Aaron who seemed intrigued by something about me at the moment.
“What?” I asked a little sharp
“Oh nothing” he said calmly as if fighting something he wanred to say back
“Doesn’t seem like nothing to me” I replied
“Do you always have this much of a narcissistic point of tongue?”
“Yeah sometimes it just depends on my mood” I said
“My shrink told me I am narcissistic to the point of complete insanity but not enough for them to send me to a correctional facility my mom was very happy to hear this” I said
“Yeah well if I was a mother I think I would be too you know knowing my child is not crazy” he said
“Oh but the problem is my mother knows I’m crazy and that is the problem she just didn’t want to have a breakdown in front of the shrink” I said “or reach for a bottle either” I said mildly
“Really you sound like a cold person but your eyes tell the truth they are an icy blue some would assume like your heart”
He said it those words that have pierced my heart for so long those words tat have tortured me for days on end like a never ending nightmare you see I once dated a Crutchfield without knowing he was a Crutchfield and he was playing with me but he meant what he said when he said my heart was cold as ice which wasn’t far from the truth then and definitely isn’t now.
“Really you know it is probably true that my heart is of ice” I said
“Well this chat has been really enlightening but I have to be getting home now” I said heading for the door I turned and waved back at him and he raised an eyebrow and then waved back I ran out the door I hurried home the house was empty as I had hoped for my sake alone. I went upstairs and started to draw this time I drew a picture of my mother both sides of her one side was old and decayed the other young and beautiful one represented what she had become one represented what she could have been if only she tried an ounce harder. I drew in one hand a bottle of beer in the other a rose one petal fell and as a back ground there was a wilting rose I thought I would turn it in to my art teacher too since my mom wouldn’t be there it should be no big deal my teacher is looking for good works and to me this is a good work because I poured my life and soul into it.
I got up the next morning and remembered mom said she would be home and bought me a dress we were having dinner guest tonight and that I must behave. I walked in the door and people were looking at me talking to me some of them and I had actual friends for the first time in a long time. Aaron was waiting for me at my locker.
“hey I’ll call you out seventh we have work to do today okay”
“Yeah whatever” I replied
This school really isn’t so bad I just ignored everything I didn’t like which is what everyone does on a regular basis anyway isn’t it I mean to a point we all just bar things out or block them from being seen and see what we want to and only what we want to. This girl came right up in front of me and Aaron and said this to me like he wasn’t even there.
“Just because Aaron talks to you don’t let it go to your head and make it big” she told me with a snicker
“Like yours but wait he doesn’t talk to you so yours is just naturally that way I wonder why he doesn’t talk to you oh wait no I don’t well I gotta go I have class and unlike your head mine has a brain in it” I said shut my locker and walked to class Aaron looked shocked but he was laughing then the preppy girl got in my way.
“Can I help you” I asked her
“Come on Sis” a voice said from behind me “Don’t be too cruel”
“Oh Adrian I forgot my bad let’s go” I said as we walked down the hall the girls stared at my brother well not brother being an only child just a friend of the family although he looked nothing like me I guess they thought he was my brother because there was no way to them that he was my boyfriend waiting out in the car was another member of my family though my Aunt she looked as displeased to see that I am still alive I cant blame her by the fact that I am still breathing. But to hate me so much that you would want me to die I mean now that is sad and I am in the same family. We got into the car and drove to the house he said he would have me back by seventh so I could be there for the meeting with the principal. Which did I mention that this completely sucks and I have no idea why these two are here and how they knew how to find me isn’t it amazing to you too. I bet my mom accidentally slipped when she was drunk and on the phone some times she does that. I got back to school in the worst mood I spent the morning with my family getting lectured about the school I was going to without there consent and then I yelled back and almost completely lost my temper it’s the first time in a long time I have been able to keep my temper from going out of control. I walked into the school Aaron was waiting for me by my locker and I had my headphones on and blaring what hurts the most I turned them down took them off and shoved them in my locker as my brother escorted me back into the building.
“See you at dinner tonight” he said in his I am so displeased by you voice
“I’m looking forward to it” I said in my I’m so pissed at you for dragging me into that place
to be continued