honesty

By a.lesser.thing

Sat, 11 May 2013
  • 685 reads
4 comments
 

I am mad at my oldest brother
for drinking. I am mad at my older
brother for being egotistical. I am
angry with my mother for not
taking my depression seriously
until I went to the hospital. I am
mad at my father for making me
feel so flawed.

I am mad at myself
for being transgender.
I am mad at myself
for being gay.
I am mad at myself
for being mentally ill.

I am angry with myself
for not knowing how to accept love.
I am angry with myself
for withdrawing from the world.
I am angry with myself
for destroying my writings I made years ago.

I am mad at the world
for making me feel like an outcast.
I am mad at the world
for keeping me stuck in this small town.

I am mad at the strangers on the street
for not smiling at me. I am mad at my former
friends who couldn't be bothered when they saw
that I was going through a hard time. I am mad at
cancer for making my dad a skeleton. I am mad at
my favorite pair of jeans for getting stained. I
am mad at emotions for either being too evasive
or too prevalent.

I am mad at myself
for not even being mad.

I am mad at myself
because, after all these
difficulties, I can't even
be brave and fight them. I still
lay on the ground and wish to be
swallowed whole.

Certificate 12
Poem
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by The Walrus on
Get all that angst out, kid - you'll feel a bit better for it, I promise.

Submitted by sillygirl on
I like it, I like brutal honesty. Well done, it's good to process feelings into words. And I think it really helps.

Submitted by blighters rock on
I gave up smoking twelve days ago and today was horrific, all the anger, resentment, scorn and fears rolling around in my washine machine head. Got to keep on going but this reminds me how life can kick me in the teeth all day long if I let it. Good stuff

 

Submitted by a.lesser.thing on
I'm hoping so. I've had a busy week, especially from Thursday to Saturday. Created a lot of stress/anxiety/etc. Riding for multiple hours in the car with my family didn't help, either. I have a hard time bringing out the emotions I feel because I compressed them for so long. It's a struggle to (even attempt) to express them now. Thanks, Sillygirl! I do, too. Brutal honesty has a certain appealing quality, even if it stings. Thank you! And I definitely agree; it's therapeutic to speak of it, and it's nice to be able to write/speak emotion, too. Having an honest, emotional conversation seems to be one of the hardest things on Earth. Congratulations! Both of my parents smoked, and I remember trying to talk them into quitting for a very long time. My mum has been free of smoking for... five or six years now. My dad has been clear for a year, I think. It's a hard step, and definitely irritating, but you're better for it! It's very hard to recognize problems, admit them, and also accept that you can only solve your own. Once getting over initial anger, or fear, you're able to conquer a lot more. Unfortunately, it sounds much easier than that is. "if I let it." Definitely agree there! I try not to let myself focus on the bad, and when I notice that I am, I like to counteract with the good. Having a muse notebook (though I haven't got one right now) helped me a lot, because I'd write down things I wanted/like/etc. "I like brick buildings. I like ugly underwear. I like lamps." Rambling aside, thank you, and again--congratulations!