BISCUITS

I just started dieting today. For the fourth time since I woke up.
It's evening, and I'm debating whether to have one biscuit or an entire packet.

"You shouldn't be deprived of what you love," my boyfriend told me, as he went off for a two-week holiday with his mates. I didn't even know he had any mates.

I know I should lose weight, but it's so boring. You want your weight to drop off in one day, and instead it comes off ever so slowly. A week of being 'good', and what happens? Half a pound of weight is lost. Half a pissing pound.

My boyfriend told me I shouldn't worry about my weight, because there are many more attractive women who have better bodies than I ever will. Cheers for that. We've got an agreement; he can look but not touch, and I can touch but not look.
I can't complain at all about the size of his manhood though; boy, I'd feel too mean.

My best female friend told me we should have a threesome; that he should go with two other women, and I should go with two other blokes.
She thinks we're not compatible and has tried to break us up many times, though it's our fault for physically fighting so much.

I couldn't be unfaithful however. I don't know any blokes I fancy.

My boyfriend has his good points; so his work colleagues are rumoured to have said. It's not an ideal relationship, when I'm fancying a biscuit more than him though, is it?
I know relationships can have their rocky patches, but we've had cliffs. The only time I hear him laugh nowadays is when I'm trying a new outfit on.

I'm not going to have a threesome; whether he'd be involved or not. I can get my mouth around a biscuit, but I can't get my head around a threesome. Leave them to the threesome-loving people of the world; that'll not include the person who said 'two's company, three's a crowd'. 'One's dead' is what I'd ask to be put on my grave; if I was a complete nutter.

Things will work out between us; they always do. He's in a bit of a sulk at the moment though, and I have no idea why. He wears the dresses in our relationship.
I haven't heard from him for a couple of days. I should call him, an utter prat.

Right, I've made up my mind. There are some things that just need to be done; so those biscuits are gonna get eaten.

10 September 2005