DEAR DIARY

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I had a bouncing baby,
Which was quite a strange surprise.
For I had not had sex.
Or if I had, I'd not realised.

I got married. Then got divorced.
Getting hitched was a mistake.
For the chap I married loves his food,
And I cannot even bake.

I was going to go to work,
But then I remembered; I'd lost my job.
I don't know how exactly I lost it,
So I thought I'd ask Rob.

Rob was my friend. But our mutual friend,
Told me he'd joined the circus.
I was surprised by that,
For there weren't usually secrets between us.

So I got a waitressing job,
Which I can't say lasted that long.
For I punched a customer in the face,
When he said, "Don't keep your top on."

It was a topless restaurant,
But I didn't know at the time.
Nobody previously told me,
It was their mistake, not mine.

Anyway, I'd done the customer a favour,
For if I'd have shown him my chest,
He might not have got over the nasty shock,
And might've needed a permanent rest.

I had a cheese sandwich,
Which was the strangest thing of all.
For when I started making it,
It was an egg and tomato roll.

I had a bit of a kip,
With the newborn near my side.
And last but not least,
At the end of the day, I died.

6 August 2002