PEOPLE AND SWEETS

"I went out with what I thought was a sweet man."
"How did things go?"
"I had to give him up. He was bad for my teeth."
"Oh, really - I thought you meant a real person!"
"He was. He threatened to knock my teeth out."

"I've got problems with my son. He loves sweets; never stops eating them. He's a real nuisance."
"Why don't you stop buying him sweets, then?"
"I would. If I did. But he buys them himself."
"Where does he get the money from?"
"I don't know. But the more sweets he has, the more ornaments of mine keep disappearing."

"Would you rather have a man who was sweet or a sweet who was a man?"
"Ooh; a sweet who was a man. That way, if he got on my nerves, I could just eat him."

"My girlfriend said I should be sweeter. So we broke up."
"I don't blame you! I wouldn't stick with someone who told me to have a character change!"
"She broke up with me though."
"But why? Because you told her you wouldn't change to be sweet enough for her?"
"I think it's to do with me telling her I would be sweeter - if she'd be less flaming bitter."

Around 2003