Black Friday. A collection of Nursery Rhymes and stories with a twist.

Little  miss Muffey
Little miss Muffey sat on a tuffet
Eating just bad cheese.
Along came a spider
That sat down  beside her
then bit her Killing her instantly.

© E.L. Hunt

Jack and Jill 
Went up  the  hill 
to  fetch a pale   of water 
Jill pushed  Jack  
who  broke his  head. 
Jill's  like  that: 
She  hates  boys. 

(C) E. L  Hunt 

 

Snow White 

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess called Snow White.

One day she ate a mushroom that was poisonous and she died.

 ©  E.L.Hunt 2015

 

Georgy  porky snob faced  liar 
 

Georgy porky liked to lie

He liked to fiddle and deny

He liked to cook the books so much

He even ate them for his lunch.

But then one day Georgy porky to everyone’s dismay

Got caught with his pants down

With a mirror and a bag of coke.

Well that's not a shock really.

© ADH 2015

 

Incy  Wincy  Boris 
 

Incy wincy Boris

Tried to climb a pole.

He managed it in the end

because he is a rich bastard

 

©  ADH2015.

 

Humpty  Bumpty  Dimple-bum

 

Humpty dimple bum

Sat on a wall

Humpty dimple bum

Had a huge fall

But all of scribes

Simply just lied

So humpty dimple bum

Climbed up again

 

 ©  ADH2015

 

Cinders

Once upon a time there was a fair woman called cinders. She was really good looking, but really pissed off that her step sisters who were really plain looking had better deal because they had more money than her; so she chopped off the step sisters heads and put them in boxes in the cellar. Then she stole their clothes and ran off to the prince’s festival.
All night long Cinders danced with the Prince. But  as the bell chimed  midnight  a hideous  sound was heard throughout the  kingdom.  Then  after a huge  gush of dark air,  three headless corpses  of Cinders’  step sisters turned up at the castle. Cinders was so scared, she fled to the top of the castle   only to fall out of  the  window  the highest tower and get minced by revolving spikes; fifty  feet below.
Meanwhile the Prince ran off with his squire. Well, life's like that.

© ADH2015

 

The  Angel and the  Baker’s  daughter

Once upon a time, there was a baker who lied about how clever his daughter was with such incredibly convincing stories, everyone believed him. Eventually, word about how clever the baker's daughter was, got back to a nasty greedy king; who then trapped the bakers daughter in a dungeon to perform an impossible task:- making straw into gold.
The poor girl cried buckets of tears to such a point that an angel came down from the sky to her aid. In all, three times the angel helped the bakers daughter make straw into gold. And each time the amount of straw grew and grew to the point that the king was the richest king in the whole five realms. Which shows how much of a greedy  git he  is really.  By a way of recompense, the King decided  to marry  the Baker’s  daughter. However it was  a loveless and childless marriage, because not only was the  king greedy  he was a snob and hated  the thought of his  bloodline  being damaged by a  peasant
Eventually, after  many years  of soul  searching and feeling lonely she went to the Angel and asked it what to do.
The Angel simply smiled coldly.
The next day the king was found in his bed chamber by a maid. His chest was ripped open and his heart was removed.

The ministry of the kingdom blamed the queen for the death of the king; so she was then imprisoned in the highest tower of the castle. For a long time she was angry. Then she was sad. Then she decided to escape. Eventually she managed to smash out the bars of her cell. She climbed out of the window and stood on the ledge. She was about to jump off, when the angel came back and took her on its  back,  they  flew  to  a place  called far, far away, where she was sort of happy.

©  ADH2015

 

Locksmith  and the  3 bears.

There was once a cabin in the woods owned by three bears. A mummy bear a Daddy bear and a baby bear.  One day the bears went to look for honey leaving the cabin empty. The bears never locked up their home because they never had visitors.
At the  same time  a pretty little  girl called locksmith was walking in the woods. She came across the cabin and went inside; where  she ate all the food, broke all  the furniture and trashed the bedroom, after which   she fell on the  floor asleep.  -Well its  hard work breaking things- . When the bears came home, they found locksmith asleep so they picked her up and threw her in the cellar.

The bears ate really well on her for a couple of weeks.

© ADH  2015

 

The  not so sleeping  Prince.

Once upon a time in one of the five realms a prince was born to the king and queen. News went around the whole Kingdom about the birth and a party was declared. However nobody invited the dark knight. This is because nobody knew where his cave was.

When the knight heard about the birth. He shrugged his shoulders. That's because Batman has no time for babies.

©  ADH 2015