Christmas message to my friends here.

To Dear ABC.
My name is Andy, and I am an alcoholic… Alcoholism is I think the worst addiction that there is. It isn't just that it’s so readily available, because it is, and the fact that social drinking, if such a thing can exist, is acceptable behaviour while alcoholism isn't. It’s also a disease. It’s a mental condition that effects and affects those who are surrounded by it. It’s a biological condition that is accumulative; as it affects the organs, over a long period of time, instead of quickly, as in other cases of addiction… but and more importantly it is also a psychological condition that begins before the alcoholic or drug addict has the first hit or the very first drink.
My drinking problem came from a very heartfelt belief (or heart knowledge, depending upon your point of view) in my inability to believe in my abilities, and it has been this furie that I have carried into my adult life from childhood, and into every faith I tried to -and failed- to accept. I have had to learn some very painful lessons this year... that I am mortal... that I am powerless over alcohol… that I need something bigger than me to heal me…. And the most important lesson of all, that I am worth something… and That I have a talent… This has been the hardest lesson of all to learn.
The alcoholism was... no, I’ll rephrase that .is... an outward sign of what once was a tortured heart; that perversely enjoyed the pain that I inflicted upon myself; and those around me. I have come to believe that this is the heart of all people with this self- destructive condition. The insane thing... because now, I see that it is insane, is that the alcoholic cannot see the pain they cause to themselves... they only see what they think are the rewards... namely ( and in my case) the perverted belief in the artist to open the inner door and keep it open. and the state of stupefaction that can only come from having a mind blunted... instead of sharpened… but there is another part of the problem …
You see, people also assume that alcoholics have huge amounts of self-pity they don't... they have self-pain.... its more complex than self-pity as the alcoholic needs to feel the pain, simply to feel.
As for me, I have joined addaction and have a drug and alcohol counsellor starting in January. I know I need this. I haven't joined AA as I can't get to any more than one meeting a week; but as I have no state benefits, and therefore no money, so I can't spend it... so essentially my environment is controlled... it’s not brilliant, but it’s a start; and has that rusted nail hammering into a flint wall feel to it… Finally I’d like to say thank you all at ABC tales. Thanks for the stories, the passion, the bloody beautiful poetry, but most of all thanks for being there… I don’t know any of your real names; but you all have contributed to bringing me to a place of near sanity. And liking, and encouraging what I have tried to do here. Your comments have given me something quite rare… hope and a second chance… well that’s me done for this year. All that’s left for me to say is please take care. And have a wonderful Christmas… all my love my dear unknown friends, you have no idea how you have healed...

Much love Andy Hunt