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My life has been a quest both for the internal meaning of life and an external quest to fit in. This has led me down many paths, from the use of drugs to the abstinence of all forms of chemical pleasure. From the worship of the pagan and the esoteric and to the secular and the ideas Darwinism, From atheism to the agnostic to the Gnostic from deism and onward to the religious ideas of Buddhism and of Christianity.
I have followed the Fibonacci curve of monotheism: from its birth in Zoroastrianism, into Islam (in the form of religious ideas Islam is the youngest belief system out of the three major belief systems that exists: the oldest being the Hindu)and back again,and know that there are connections not only to religious ideas but also to modern political thought.Though many might find my position on this invalid, I have to humbly say that the connections are there, if one wants to find them.
In this search I have read the writings of Solomon and of Plato, whose own writing is connected to another man who died just as unjustly as Christ: that of Socrates; and have attempted to comprehend the position of Augustine, whose ideas rewrote the Bible.
I have read of the imposition of Constantine on Christianity and learned that the "civilization" considered as Rome, was in fact not really any different from our own, with its own propaganda and its manipulation and removal from existence of whole society's and cultures from the historical record, leaving me to conclude that what we know of our history, is only what we have been led and taught to believe as being true. I've read Freud, and the concept of man and have come to a very simple conclusion: That in this world, anything is true as long as its held in the heart as being an honestly held truth. But truth is not a fit to suit yourself position. As each individual is different, and we have different governing social dynamics that connect us to each other, yet our honesty will always leads us to one governing position.
And through all that, I have had to contend with a body that demands excesses, longs to things it cannot have and is unsatisfied with how things are. a body that craves sugar escapism sexual gratification and yet is nurtured in the arms of my wife and in the eyes of my children, who have taught me more than any book could ever educate me with.
This leads me to conclude that the issues are far simpler than they seem; that these problems that govern us are not made by individuals whom endlessly study and wear religious clothing,or live in the shade of buildings whose history is linked with power: but by you and me, by each and every one of us, in our actions and interactions with ourselves and with others.
You want to know the truth? God is not the sun but its vast size and intense magnetic fields have a hint of God about them. God is not in the sky. Though there is a sense of God there. God is not in the sea, though there is a sense of God there. God is not in space though God can be defined as space as vast as the universe which can be either as huge as the world we never seem to see the end of or in the microscopic world of quantum and the beautiful geometry of the tiniest particle. God is seen in these, but the presence of God is never felt, because faith is more than a feeling, its less than a knowing, faith is standing on the edge of a precipice knowing the drop could kill you, knowing that you dare not take the step, but the possibility of that step is huge and the consequences of it are more complex than our hearts and minds can imagine.
The truth is God is in your heart. He/ she/it -whatever you prefer- is in the well of ideas, and the passion that brings forth those ideas. That is not to say that all ideas are good, as are all societies are good, but they are connected to a well within ourselves that we term the soul. And as we share these ideas we change our world about us, slowly in small ways that we barely know, see or fully comprehend. Mainly because we are not meant to. That is the nature of our world, and our part in it.
Perhaps it might not seem a huge or great thing, and perhaps that might leave individuals feeling "so what", but think about it. Think about the things we do not know we actually actually do, and there opens a door to a world that we barely see. I challenge you to open that door, or be aware of that door's existence.
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