The Fifth Star - Chapter 10 (1/2) - Within

The pair of them had not ridden overlong when Darius once again called a halt. Elowyn, for her part, had spent the entirety of the evening engrossed in her own thoughts, too preoccupied to note the darkening of the sky above until they were completely immersed in its blackness.

She couldn’t help but to replay the battle that afternoon over and over in her mind. Admittedly, she knew very little about true combat – the only fights she’d ever been witness to were the occasional drunken brawl that broke out at the Nest, and before that a few scraps in the streets over perceived territory or other minor slights – but what she could easily tell was that what she’d seen today was in another class entirely. Darius had moved like unearthly lightning, possessed incredible speed and an eerie accuracy in amounts that had, quite frankly, shocked her. Once the danger had passed, she had kept her outward calm, even going so far as to attempt a joke, but she could not cease brooding upon it. He’d shown her the ‘conditioning’ already that he’d been exposed to at the College, but that alone could not explain his skill, only his bloodlust. Where had he learned to fight like that?

To her surprise it was not the copious loss of life that Darius had inflicted which bothered her. Elowyn had never seen a man die before, and now in only the span of a day she’d watched him kill Harlemont’s guard, then his ten scouts, and it was all the more puzzling that she had felt so little once she had – a twinge of regret for the necessity of it, a passing bit of nausea at the sight of one man’s bowels strewn upon the grass – but nothing else. She wondered if that made her a monster.

No, the part that truly dug at her was the helplessness. Elowyn didn’t begrudge the surprise fiery cage that Darius had encircled her with for protection, not by any means. But she had spent her entire life being protected, a burden unto others. First there had been Rhin, then Mistress Raven, both of whom had kept secrets from her for ‘her own good’, as much good as it had done. Now Darius had assumed the role of her guardian. Only now that she was free did she feel the constant oversight as restrictive as shackles upon her wrists. Where was her independence? It seemed that only once she entertained the idea of it that she longed for it, more than nearly any other longing she’d ever felt. Perhaps this magic she supposedly possessed would help in that respect.

“Why are we stopping so soon?” she asked as Darius offered her a hand down from the horse she now occupied alone – Darius having claimed one of the mounts their assailants had ridden in on before scaring off the remainder that hadn’t already been spooked by the battle. “I’m not tired at all.”

“I quite doubt that Harlemont will have sent more men than those scouts, at least not right away. We should be able to relax a little. Set up a proper camp and get some solid rest before we hit the great plain on the morrow,” he explained with a smile that seemed to be coming easier to his lips the more time they spent together. “How does a fire and some warm food sound?”

“Wonderful,” she smiled back.

Darius tied up their mounts and immediately began unloading their travel pack to set up the camp. “Would you mind clearing a space for the fire?” he asked as he worked, not taking his eyes off the task at hand.

Rubbing her arms against the frigid air, Elowyn was glad for some distraction. She set to it quickly, brushing an area free of its leaf cover and setting stones around it to create a border. Done before Darius had quite finished constructing the shelter, she decided to collect wood for the fire, leaving one less task for her companion. Dry wood was in ample supply, and a few short trips saw a sizeable stack prepared and waiting by the pit. She brought over the last armful just as he tossed the bedrolls into the tent and turned to face her.

Darius noted the wood she’d collected with an appreciative nod before kneeling down to arrange some of it into a neat pile in the cleared spot. He stood, and with only a momentary pause in which his eyes flickered shut, the whole lot burst into flames, its cheery crackling immediate. Elowyn felt the heat wash over her even from where she waited several feet away, and she held out her hands to the warmth gratefully as she stepped closer.

Next, he laid out the items he would need to cook the pair of them a meal beside the pit, seating himself cross-legged in the grass. Elowyn placed herself to his right and made to gather her skirts to kneel there, forgetting about the male clothing she wore. Her habit made her blush before she gave up on a sense of propriety and set herself down with a graceless thud, sitting at an angle to the fire which allowed her to stretch her legs out. After all this time in a saddle, it felt so good to relax. From her position she was able to watch Darius sidelong as he worked but still gaze into the mesmerizing flames. Crickets chirped their erratic songs all around them; a foreign sound to a city born girl such as herself, but she found it oddly soothing regardless.

It was Darius who broke the enduring silence. “So, Elowyn,” he began, testing the new name she’d taken, “all we’ve done is talk about myself and magic. Let’s speak of you for a while.”

“What is it you wish to know?” she asked.

“Whatever you wish to tell me,” he said, looking away from his cooking with some concern. “Don’t misunderstand me; I’m not drilling you for details. But all I know about you is your former home, and your magical ability. I’d like to get to know you more, if we are to travel together for some time.”

“Raven told you nothing of me?” Elowyn questioned, disbelieving.

“I inquired several times about releasing you from your contract with the Mistress. All she ever told me of you was that it was you who found her, not the other way around, and that you were quite happy to stay where you were.”

Elowyn took a relaxing breath and released it. “To be honest, there’s not much to tell. My life at the Nest was about how you would imagine the life of a middle class whore, and I have very few memories of the time before I was taken in by Raven.”

When she did not expound upon that, Darius was forced to ask, “What do you mean?”

“Before I stumbled upon the Nest – quite by accident, I’ll add – I had no home. Those days I remember easily; roaming the streets with Rhin, scrounging to survive off food scraps and remnants others would deem garbage. I recall an entire year living that way, each season presenting its own challenges,” she explained. “But all the years preceding it? They are gone. I don’t even know my real name.”

Darius had stopped paying attention to their cooking meal while she spoke, his gaze fixed upon her face. “Truly? You recall none of it?”

Elowyn nodded in reply. “My earliest memory is waking up to Rhin’s worried face hovering over me. I remember I was terrified, I had no idea who I was. When he managed to calm me down, he told me there had been some accident,” her mouth tensed into a line and she had to swallow before she could speak again. “He had found me, dazed and disoriented, hiding under the edge of a house where rains had partially washed the ground away. There was blood on my face, and I was alone, but he managed to get me to follow him to a nearby tavern in the slums. He managed to beg a bed for me at no small cost to himself and nursed me back to health there.

“The memories before are all lost to me, courtesy of this,” she said as she reached up and parted a section of her hair to reveal the scar that rested upon her skull, long faded, but still shining white against her skin.

“I’m sorry,” Darius commented with a pitying expression. “It’s one thing to lose those close to you, but another entirely to not know who they were at all.”

Elowyn shrugged. She didn’t want him to see that it bothered her almost as much as he likely imagined. “You can’t miss what you never had.”

“But you must have had, at some point,” he insisted, “I believe memory loss of this sort is common enough after suffering a blow to the head. I’ve heard it said before that the memories may yet return to you. Don’t lose hope.”

She thought on that for a time, quietly watching the fire. “I don’t know if I’d want them back, now,” she murmured finally. “It’s been so long. Who knows if the memories are even good ones? Maybe my upbringing was so terrible it is better that they’re gone. I am who I am now; I’d not want to learn something so drastic that it would change that.”

“I suppose that’s understandable,” Darius agreed before dropping the clearly uncomfortable subject. He reached for the bowls he had laid to the side, scooping a generous portion of the very plain soup he’d made into one and handing it to her quietly. There was no spoon other than the ladle he’d used to cook, but she made no complaint; instead she lifted the bowl to her mouth to slurp the broth in a fashion that would have resulted in a furious scolding at her former home. She thought she spied a smirk playing at the corner of Darius’s mouth, but it disappeared before she could be certain.

When she was nearly finished her meal and Darius had made ample progress on his, Elowyn piped up with a query of her own. “So you know I’m essentially an orphan; what about you? What’s your story?”

“You already know where I’m from, and my time at the College, then working under Harlemont. Is there a specific aspect?”

“What’s Kierton like?”

“A small village of farmers, mostly. It has some of the richest soil around, and the Empire relies heavily upon such unremarkable places to feed their cities and their armies. Life there was… so much simpler,” he reflected in what she would call a mournful way. “It was safe then. We all worked together for the betterment of everyone. When I was taken, I had nearly settled down, as tends to be the way of things in rural villages. I was only sixteen, but I was betrothed and I was building my home to be. It was nice, having so little to worry at. Just the soil, the sun, and family.”

Elowyn could only imagine such a life. “It sounds pleasant,” she remarked. “So what is your family like? Will we see them when we arrive there?”

“Was,” he corrected sadly. “What was my family like… there were only the three of us, but we were close. Mother and father… they’d have done anything for me within their power. They supported my betrothal even when her father did not. It may have led to an elopement, had things turned out otherwise.”

“What happened to them?” Elowyn pried gently. She knew she pressed her luck, but he hadn’t yet been so open about his past.

“They…” Darius hesitated, “they died.” During that hesitation it seemed as though he was going to say more. She was disappointed, but allowed him that secretive withdrawal. The memory of it, she assumed, must be an agonizing one.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

He nodded at her apology but didn’t go further. It seemed that the conversation was at an end. She had learned more of him though, and more besides that he hadn’t said. He was betrothed once… I would bet any coin that was the redhead in his dream, Alysse. Is that why we’re headed that way? She had other questions though, and they were more pressing.

“Darius?” she said his name softly to redraw his attention. He looked at her and she continued before she could talk herself out of the question, “What exactly do – or did – you do for Harlemont? What was your title?”

His face remained utterly still for several long moments. Elowyn met his gaze and didn’t back down from the question.

“Why do you ask?”

“That fight this afternoon…”

“What of it?”

“You fight with incredible skill, and no hesitation. It seems a strange focus for a mage.”

Darius smiled, but it appeared to her more sarcastic than genuine. “You’re an observant one, hmm?” he sighed heavily. “I was hoping to keep that knowledge under wraps until you trusted me a bit more. I don’t want your imagination running wild on you and creating circumstances which never occurred.”

Elowyn was more puzzled than irritated at his admission. “What do you mean?”

“If you truly must know… I’m an assassin,” he replied, averting his eyes as if he feared her reaction.

She felt her eyebrows fly up her forehead. “You what?” she exclaimed. She kept her seat, but only barely. She didn’t want to jump to any conclusions before he could explain himself.

“It was not all I did; I acted as an advisor of sorts as well, though that was not my primary role. It kept some people from knowing what my true work entailed. But please believe me,” he looked at her again, his eyes pleading, “that has naught to do with our current situation. This isn’t some elaborate way of gaining your trust only to hurt you later. I owe you too much for that.”

Elowyn’s gut told her he spoke the truth, but still her head shook back and forth in disbelief. It made sense, given what she knew about him, but it seemed a terribly dark profession for someone who had been so kind to her. Then she recalled what he had told her before – how after her magic had freed him, he’d had to continue doing ‘despicable things’ under the guise of it being involuntary. This must have been what he meant. But he seemed to like killing those scouts; I saw his face when he did so. “Doesn’t it bother you? The killing, I mean?”

“I didn’t choose that line of work you know,” he answered somewhat defensively, “it was assigned to me when I left the College. Harlemont had me specially trained afterwards.”

“That didn’t really answer the question,” she pushed.

“What exactly are you hoping I’ll say?” he pushed back with some exasperation, “I’m not a beast; I know what I’ve done and will continue to do. Yes, it bothered me, but only at first. Once you’ve taken enough lives you can’t spare the time, or the heart, to mourn them all.”

“I understand that. But you don’t work for him anymore,” she insisted. “No one commanded you to kill those scouts. Was there not another option for getting rid of them?”

Darius scoffed openly at that, his face suddenly holding an edge of anger. “Trying to preserve the lives of your enemies can only lead to the loss of your own. Had those scouts been actually trying to kill me, rather than merely incapacitate, they may still draw breath, and you would be a captive once more. Is that what you’d prefer, rather than a few dead strangers?”

His sudden malice shocked her, but she had to admit he had a solid point. “No,” she uttered in solemn reply, “No, it was just a bit… shocking, is all. I’ve never seen anyone move like that. It was terrifying, yet…”

“What?” he prompted when she did not finish the thought.

“Mesmerizing. Beautiful,” she answered, acutely aware of the colour rising to her face. She didn’t know what else to say, so she let the statement hang between them.

Darius was silent for several moments, his expression revealing nothing of his thoughts. “Huh,” he intoned finally, “I’m far more accustomed to revulsion than this; I find myself at a loss for words. I am glad, though, that you don’t seem any more frightened of me.”

Elowyn nodded. “You have done much for me, how could I be afraid of you? No, more accurately I… I almost envy you.”

“You shouldn’t,” he replied, “It is no small weight on one’s conscience to have taken a life, much less many.”

“But what it must feel like, to know you can protect yourself,” she said wistfully, “I’ve been sheltered by others my whole life. If any of them had been hurt for my sake… I don’t know what I’d do. How I’d feel, losing someone due to my own lack of ability.”

“That would be inconceivably awful. But I wouldn’t worry about that much longer,” he told her with a confident smile. “Once we get you trained, there will be nary a soul in this world who could seriously threaten you, unless you get careless.”

We’ll see about that, I suppose. “When will we start that, anyway?” she asked.

Darius stood then and stretched his arms toward the sky with a mighty yawn. “We must make a point of travelling long and far before the search for us grows in numbers. Luckily for us,” he assured her, “we can do the basics while in the saddle. We’ll start tomorrow.”

She didn’t want to disappoint him, so Elowyn smiled to cover for her trepidation. Magic training still terrified her – to use it would give it credence, would make this whole situation all the more real than it felt. “Off to bed then?” she asked, already on her feet and stooping over for dirt to throw on the flames.

“Leave it,” he said with a nonchalant wave of his hand, “I am not so fearful of pursuit tonight, and it will keep any curious animals at bay.” He turned to the tent and unfastened the straps which held the door closed, holding it open for her in invitation.