The Fifth Star - Chapter 10 (2/2) - Within

The night was long and uncomfortable. Since their escape the only hours of sleep she’d obtained had been astride a horse, forced by necessity. Now that she was alert and trying to force rest, it would not come. The hard ground dug painfully into her hipbones. Every errant sound from without the tent was surely a threat. Even just the sound of the wind set her on edge. Darius seemed to have no such issue; he was asleep almost as soon as his head touched the bedroll. But he woke just as quickly – each time she had not been able to contain a sound of fear, his voice would immediately follow, “are you alright?” A quick affirmative had him right back to unconsciousness, but it was incredibly comforting to see his responses were so prompt.

Elowyn did rest some – in fits and starts – each time the sky grew just a few shades brighter through the tent’s material. By the end of it, her bladder ached painfully, but she refused to give it relief until she was certain that day had broken – too afraid to go out alone and too embarrassed to ask Darius to escort her for such private tasks. As soon as she deemed it light enough, she squirmed free of the restrictive bedroll, the sound waking her companion in the process, and clambered over him to free herself from the shelter. She heard him emerge behind her and start rifling through the supplies. When she had finished her business and returned, they shared a pleasant chat and a cold breakfast, then it was atop their mounts once more.

 

**********

 

True to his word, Darius began to teach her that very morning, starting with some theory while they rode.

“Aethris,” he began. “It’s the power which fuels magic; raw power, in its purest form. It lives within you, yet it is as much a part of you as your blood. To control your talent, first you must control your aethris.

“Before I show you how to access it, there are some things you must know. Pay close attention, and take what I’m about to say to heart. First; if you allow your aethris to be depleted, you will die, as surely as being bled out. Even if you don’t drain it enough to kill you immediately, it will work of its own accord to replenish itself, at the cost of your physical strength. Much like a parasite, it will drain its host to save itself, even if by doing so it dooms them both. You must never let yourself get so close to empty – you nearly saw me succumb to this very same phenomenon when we escaped the night before last.”

“Yes, I remember all that. You told me when you awoke.”

Darius turned in his seat to fix her with a stern look. “It is of utmost importance. I’ll be having you purposely drain off some of your aethris daily, and you must be aware of the risks. Shall I continue?”

Elowyn nodded quietly, ashamed at her impatience.

“Secondly; once you train your magic, once you give it an outlet… you will feel its pull. It will beg to be used. Not with words,” he explained at her incredulous expression, “but, well – it’s hard to explain. An urging. Spending aethris regularly serves two purposes; to grow your potential stores, and to keep those urges at bay.

“The urging can be insidious. It can affect how you think, the potential resolutions to everyday tasks or problems suddenly inundated with magical solutions that become so much more appealing than the mundane. Your judgement can become foggy if you deny the urges too long. You must be aware of this and work constantly to ensure it is you and you alone making a decision.”

She swallowed hard. The more he told her, the less pleasant the future seemed. Would magic really affect her mind so strongly, or was he exaggerating to keep her cautious? “I understand,” came her morose reply.

“Good,” he responded. He angled his horse to stride closer to her left, coming alongside her. “Pass me your reins please, Elowyn.” Once she had, he tied them off on his own beast’s. “Are you ready to begin?”

Elowyn didn’t know what to do with her hands now that they were freed from the reins, so she crossed them on the saddle’s pommel as she tilted in her seat to look at Darius more directly. “As ready as I’ll ever be,” she said, forcing a smile to her lips that trembled with anxiety.

“Don’t be afraid,” he assured her, “we’ll start small. Close your eyes.”

That was a simple enough direction. She did as he asked, gripping onto the pommel tighter without sight to guide her.

“I want you to think about where you are now. Not your physical body, but your consciousness. Imagine your thoughts and feelings occupying a place in your mind.”

“Umm, what sort of place are we talking about here?”

“Whatever comes naturally, whatever feels right. I cannot tell you; your mind is your own.”

Elowyn still wasn’t sure she understood but she tried. She tuned out the rest of the world and focused on giving shape to her mind. Stone walls revealed themselves first, startling her as they popped into existence. Then holes appeared between some of the stones, growing larger until they formed windows of glass. Some of the windows were open, white silk curtains materialized to flutter in the influence of the breeze, and beyond them she could see little else but fog and a strange green substance, snaking in through one of the windows. Covered sconces mounted high on the walls provided a warm orange light. Other small details filled in as she lost herself in the process, suddenly enjoying herself in making a space entirely her own; etchings over a great fireplace ebbed into view, stainwork of small songbirds adorned the sconces’ covers. A towering bookshelf dominated nearly all of one wall, with a large and inviting armchair nearby. Lastly, a beautiful stringed instrument blinked into existence, nestled on a meticulously carved stand of a wood she could not identify, same as the instrument itself – pale white, with a silvery grain, such a thing as she’d never seen before. She wondered what had prompted its bizarre inclusion…

“Elowyn?”

“Yes, yes,” she spoke, not wanting to open her eyes for fear of losing this place. It felt so comforting and familiar. “I think I have it.”

“Good,” he encouraged. “Once you feel you’re ready, try to sink below your mind. You need to delve deeper into your consciousness.”

“Okay,” she replied before attempting to do as he instructed. It refused to come; how could she go below a room into her head? Would that not just be another room in whatever place I’ve constructed for myself? She kept on it, trying several times with no result. “What am I looking for?” she finally gasped, exasperated with herself.

“Relax. It’s much harder to access than your mind’s outer space. Try to let your aethris call to you, if it helps. Look for the colour blue.”

Elowyn tried – she really did. She shut out everything for many long minutes, focusing all her will into the task, until a warm hand touching hers jolted her to attention. Her eyes opened, registering his hand upon hers, and she stared at him.

Let me help, his thought popped into her head, I’m not certain, but I might be able to show you as I touch my own aethris.

She had been so focused, it took her a moment to recover her mental acuity. Suddenly she recalled he could hear everything she thought while their skin touched, then blushed furiously as he’d have heard that as well. His mental chuckle carried over. It’s strange for me, too. I’ll stop, if you’d prefer.

No, no… it’s okay. So. Show me, if this connection will work like you hope, she thought back.

As you wish.

Elowyn felt him ‘pull’ her into his mind – or did the connection do that without prompting? – regardless, she found herself inside his space. It was far different than her own. Where hers was indoors, his was along a ridge, looking down over a great valley. There were some sparse but massive ancient trees about her, and pockmarks in the visible wall of the opposite ridge marked caves embedded in the stone precipices. They stood together, gazing out at the landscape below. Elowyn noted a peculiarity she had seen in her own space; a ring of fog that cut off a portion of everything, it too with a twisting bit of green extending beyond, just like what she had noted in her window. She supposed the edges of the mind must be somewhere and it made sense, but what was the green?

You’re correct about the fog, Darius answered her unspoken musing, As for the green – as far as I can tell, that is the connection we share; I haven’t had much time to assess it, but it wasn’t there before. I’m about to take us downwards, are you ready?

Yes, she thought back.

The ground beneath her feet vanished along with the rest of the scene. She felt as though she were sinking into water, deeper and deeper into the inky blackness. It should have been frightening, but she could feel Darius’s comforting presence at her side, sapping her worries away.

A blue speck came into view, but as they ‘sank’ lower it revealed its trick of perspective; it was an enormous sphere, glowing invitingly, several times larger than her ‘self’. Light came only from within the orb, dancing on the outer edges of the shape like reflections on the bottom of a clear pool. Elowyn gasped with wonder.

This is what you need to find within you. Getting here was slow intentionally; this step will take less than a second once you’re accustomed to it.

They stared at the mass together for a few moments, then Elowyn heard a thought she was sure she wasn’t meant to: Should I…? No, too much, too fast.

Should you what? she asked.

All at once, everything she looked upon disappeared. She opened her eyes and looked down, realizing Darius had broken the physical contact to eject her from his mind. Elowyn bristled.

“Sorry,” he spoke in apology, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I choose my words quite carefully, Elowyn. I meant no offense… it’s just off-putting, is all.”

Elowyn nodded and softened her expression. Each time they had shared thoughts thus far, she had been very intentionally keeping her mind off of embarrassing things, such as the unexpected pleasure she felt at the electric jolt of that contact itself – but she didn’t know how successful those efforts truly had been. “I understand completely,” she replied, and she meant it. “So what is too fast?”

Darius shook his head. “It’s not important. I was thinking of taking you inside my aethris, so you could familiarize yourself with the substance. However, we’re treading new territory here and I don’t know if my aethris would present any danger to you. I’ll let the mystery of your own intrigue you – more motivation to learn the skill of getting there.”

“I don’t know about it being much of a motivator when it’s unknown to me,” Elowyn disagreed.

“Just be assured, it will never intentionally harm you, as it is part of you… and there is no feeling quite like it in the world.”

She speculated on that for a few quiet moments, then when Darius gave her no further instruction and made no motion to touch her again, she took it upon herself to attempt the task alone once more. Now that she had already been there, the ‘outer’ mind she’d created came instantly to her, immersing her in that comforting sensation. Elowyn thought passingly of how useful a skill she had already learned in this; a private relaxation chamber, where she could go at any time to think in peace.

Elowyn still didn’t fully understand how to sink into her inner mind, but having now seen the act, she felt like she had enough to make a go at it. She was unsuccessful many, many times. Just when she was about to give up for the time being, she had an idea. She looked down at the floor of her ‘room’ and envisioned it not as the hard stone, but a black surface, a rippling layer composed of nothing. Quite abruptly her feet were below the floor and she was weightless, falling yet not falling, towards her own blue light, barely visible.

It did not grow as rapidly as Darius’s had during her approach – when she was just beyond its perimeter she noted the small size had not been a matter of perspective as his had been. It was indeed quite small in comparison, assuming her ‘size’ was the same as in reality; it was merely half that of her body, whereas Darius’s could have fit hers within it several times over. Size came with training, Darius had said, and it felt like a young thing inside her, a child requiring her nurturing to grow.

“I found it,” she spoke with enthusiasm, opening her eyes to retreat from her inner places. Triumph danced upon her lips.

Darius grinned wide with encouragement, his scar tugging it to one side, the first time she had seen such on him. Her stomach fluttered in response. That she had managed to elicit such a joyful expression was all the reward she required. “That’s fantastic,” he replied, “practice that a few more times, then when you’re comfortable we’ll see about the next step.”

The praise had been short-lived, but it was the motivation it provided which pushed her to continue, this time with her fears left well behind her.