Q= Remember

I remember stuff that hasn't even happened. Not yet.

That's what I tell the baby, as I polish the gun with the end of my
tie. I'm waiting for someone to come in and kill me at any moment.
Well, not someone, someone specific.

This is how it began, I tell the baby.

I had the bag, a big canvas holdall, green and heavy with the money.
Money is heavier than you think, particularly when there's only one of
you to carry it. I open up the car door, the car is a tan colour and
old. I will be putting the bag in the back seat, this gun, this very
one I'm holding now, on the front seat beside me, with a roadmap on top
of it, just in case I need to shoot my way through. I'll be taking
Billy's tape with "Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong" out of the stereo
and throwing it out the window. Billy had some weird ideas about
getaway music. Me, I like Springsteen.

Billy, who is dead, but is sitting in the back seat, has other ideas
and he points a gun at the back of my neck. This is bad news for me. He
keeps looking back down the road, towards the bank. I'm keen to start
this car up, get out of here, even though I can't work out how Billy
got off the floor with that shotgun wound to his neck and got into the
car before I did, without a drop of blood on him.

"What we waiting for, Bill ? " I ask him.

"Me, " he says, "I'm not leaving me behind. "

I keep looking to the passenger seat in the car, wondering if I can get
the gun and even if I could, whether I could aim it and shoot him
accurately at this sort of angle before he just shoots me right through
the neck.

"You're right here, " I tell him, thinking we should start the car and
get out of here, power ballad or no power ballad.

"Not me, " he says, "The other me. I'm me from the past. "

He explains it. He has a time machine. I ask him where he got it, he
says his uncle gave it to him, as if that is any sort of explanation.
Last night, he stepped out of the motel for a while as I was picking
the olives off my half of the pizza and sent himself forward in time,
ready to be in the car after the robbery. I ask him why and he doesn't
tell me, though it is obvious. To kill me and take off with the
cash.

"You're dead, " I say, "Back there. Some security guard got you, blam.
"

Not the most sensitive way of telling him, but I'm dealing with a
doublecrosser, you understand. While he cries in the back seat, I start
the car. All the while I'm thinking, his plan was to double-cross me
and kill me, he'll be trying to do the same.

When Billy finally pulls himself back together, he tells me to drive to
the Motel and Supper Club, we've still got a room booked there under
false names to count the money.

"If you went into the future yesterday, " I ask him, "How comes the
other you was still here today, to pull the job ? "

He explains, but it's real complicated and he's none too bright. Time
travel makes my head hurt, I wouldn't commend it to anyone.

We get to the motel, park up and he tells me to leave my gun in the car
and to carry the bag. I know that he's going to kill me up in that
motel room. I ask him if I can look at the time machine and he shifts
his gun to the other hand, pulls his sleeve up. It looks just like a
wrist watch.

He tells me to open the door, which I do. I know that he's going to
kill me in here, but he'll probably want to do it in the bathroom, so
he can contain the blood a little. Before he gets inside, I try to put
a friendly look on my face, which turns quickly to a surprised look as
I see myself standing behind Billy, with the gun in my hand.

Billy gets plugged. He makes a soft noise as he falls.

"Thanks, " I say to myself and notice that both of us are wearing the
same wristwatch as Billy had been a moment ago.

"Double-crosser, " the other me says, "Good job we anticipated this.
"

"Uh, yeah, " I say.

"Get the bag, " says the other me, "We're getting out of here. "

For a while, the having two mes works really well. We make a good team,
we can anticipate each others moves. We can case out a job in total
detail by jumping forward in time and watching exactly how it unfolds,
then adjusting accordingly. We build up quite a stash.

Problem is, because the two of us are exactly alike, we both know that
the other one will betray us and try to make off with the money. I'm in
danger of being doublecrossed by myself. In the end, I take half the
money, which I figure I'm entitled to, and leave. But I know I'm
hunting myself. Sometimes in bars I go in and people say, "Didn't you
just leave?".

So that's why I'm here, hiding out in the past. I don't care about the
money anymore, I just don't want him to get my share. So I'm here for
the final showdown. If I can't shoot him, I'll take us both out.
Paradox or not, I reckon I can do it.

Do you understand now, grandpa ?