Year 7

So this woman came to school today

to talk to us about sex.

She brought a banana and a sock

and said "what happens next?"

Well Sophie’s hand shot right up,

“That's easy miss!” she cried,

“I’ve done it about a million times,

it's just pinch, unroll and slide…”

Miss Smith looked a bit upset

-I couldn’t tell you why,

the woman went tomato red,

looked like she was gonna die.

She told us that “safe was best”,

we all rolled our eyes and laughed,

“it's like she thinks we’re idiots,

why is she teaching us our craft?”

Lucy reapplied her gloss,

and I got out my phone.

Harry’s been sending me flirty texts,

this one said something about his bone…

ner…dy Ned was telling Miss the talk was a little late,

but I was putting on mascara, so it was hard to concentrate.

He revealed that, “the last thing you want to do is wait…

most girls have got their pants off before the first dinner date!”

Lucy had her mirror out

and was studying her chest,

“My boobs are really, really small,

I’m totally depressed…”

“Anyway,” began the woman,

“It doesn’t matter how you look..."

-At this Scottish Jim perked up-

"If you're that desperate for a fook!"